When Grief Is Unresolved
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"When Grief is Unresolved" by Keith Wagner
When Grief is Unresolved
by Keith Wagner
2 Samuel 18:5-9, 15, 31-33
Absalom rebelled against God due to his sinful acts. Although his father, David, wasn’t perfect he grieved over the loss of his son. Unfortunately life for our children does not always turn out the way we hope. Try as we do to nurture and raise them they make choices that lead them down a different path. At some point we cease being parents and that is a difficult role to let go of.
King David was a great and successful King of Israel. Under his leadership Israel enjoyed security and growth. But as a parent his life did not bode well. Absalom was in exile for two years, until eventually David allowed him to return. But the two of them never reconciled. Absalom was a powerful soldier and born leader. But he, like all of us was vulnerable. He found himself suspended between life and death, as he hung helplessly from an Oak tree. Shortly thereafter he was killed by Joab and ten of his men. When David learned of his son’s death he said he was wish he could have died in his place.
In his book, “Why Bad Things Happen to Good People,” Rabbi Kushner said that he had to get over being angry at God when his son died. Anger is one of the stages of grief, according to Elizabeth Kubler Ross, that we go through when we have lost a loved one. It’s okay to be angry but it’s not okay to stay angry. Unresolved anger does not build up the body of Christ.
Thankfully I have never lost a child. I did however lose both of my parents within a three week period. First, my mother died of a massive heart attack followed by my father, who died of colon cancer. It was overwhelming grief. Like most everyone I worked through the stages of grieving but I got stuck on the last stage of “unresolved grief.”
To get beyond my anger I had to change my attitude. I began thanking God for the gift of my parents. Instead of being angry I began being gracious. An attitude of gratitude enabled me to resolve my grief and move forward with my life.
Grief or loss manifests itself in a variety of ways. Sometimes it is impossible to resolve a relationship that has been strained. In Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul, Robert Strand tells the story where a mother resolved her relationship with her daughter. It is entitled the Unlocked Door.
His story took place in Glasgow, Scotland. A young woman, like a lot of teens today, got tired of home and the restraints of her parents. She rejected her family's religious lifestyle and said, "I don't want your God. I give up. I'm leaving!" She left home, deciding to become a woman of the world. Before long, however, she was dejected and unable to find a job, so she took to the streets to sell her body as a prostitute. The years passed by, her father died, her mother grew older, and she became more and more entrenched in her way of life. No contact was made between she and her mother during these years. The mother, having heard of her daughter's whereabouts, made her way to the skid-row section of the city in search of her daughter. She stopped at each of the rescue missions with a simple request. "Would you allow me to put up this picture?' It was a picture of the smiling, gray-haired mother with a handwritten message at the bottom: "I love you still.., come home!"
Some more months went by, and nothing happened. Then one day the daughter wandered into a rescue mission for a needed meal. She sat absent-mindedly listening to the service, all the while letting her eyes wander over to the bulletin board. There she saw the picture and thought, Could that be my mother? She couldn't wait until the service was over. She stood and went to look. It was her mother, and there were those words, "I love you still.., come home!" As she stood in front of the picture, she wept. It was too good to be true.
By this time it was night, but she was so touched by the message that she started walking home. By the time she arrived it was early in the morning. She was afraid and made her way timidly, not really knowing what to do. As she knocked, the door flew open on its own. She thought someone must have broken into the house. Concerned for her mother's safety, the young woman ran to the bedroom and found her still sleeping. She shook her mother awake and said, "It's me! It's me! I'm home!" The mother couldn't believe her eyes. She wiped her tears and they fell into each other's arms. The daughter said, "I was so worried! The door was open and I thought someone had broken in. The mother replied gently, "No dear. From the day you left, that door has never been locked."
Rev. Dr. Keith Wagner is the pastor of St. John's UCC in Troy, Ohio. He has served churches in Southwest Ohio for over three decades. He is an ordained minister of the United Church of Christ and has an M.Div. from Methodist Theological School, Delaware, Ohio, and a D.Min. from United Theological Seminary in Dayton, Ohio. He has also been an adjunct professor at Edison Community College, Piqua, Ohio. He and his wife, Lin, live in Springfield, Ohio.
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StoryShare, August 9, 2015, issue.
Copyright 2015 by CSS Publishing Company, Inc., Lima, Ohio.
All rights reserved. Subscribers to the StoryShare service may print and use this material as it was intended in sermons, in worship and classroom settings, in brief devotions, in radio spots, and as newsletter fillers. No additional permission is required from the publisher for such use by subscribers only. Inquiries should be addressed to permissions@csspub.com or to Permissions, CSS Publishing Company, Inc., 5450 N. Dixie Highway, Lima, Ohio 45807.
"When Grief is Unresolved" by Keith Wagner
When Grief is Unresolved
by Keith Wagner
2 Samuel 18:5-9, 15, 31-33
Absalom rebelled against God due to his sinful acts. Although his father, David, wasn’t perfect he grieved over the loss of his son. Unfortunately life for our children does not always turn out the way we hope. Try as we do to nurture and raise them they make choices that lead them down a different path. At some point we cease being parents and that is a difficult role to let go of.
King David was a great and successful King of Israel. Under his leadership Israel enjoyed security and growth. But as a parent his life did not bode well. Absalom was in exile for two years, until eventually David allowed him to return. But the two of them never reconciled. Absalom was a powerful soldier and born leader. But he, like all of us was vulnerable. He found himself suspended between life and death, as he hung helplessly from an Oak tree. Shortly thereafter he was killed by Joab and ten of his men. When David learned of his son’s death he said he was wish he could have died in his place.
In his book, “Why Bad Things Happen to Good People,” Rabbi Kushner said that he had to get over being angry at God when his son died. Anger is one of the stages of grief, according to Elizabeth Kubler Ross, that we go through when we have lost a loved one. It’s okay to be angry but it’s not okay to stay angry. Unresolved anger does not build up the body of Christ.
Thankfully I have never lost a child. I did however lose both of my parents within a three week period. First, my mother died of a massive heart attack followed by my father, who died of colon cancer. It was overwhelming grief. Like most everyone I worked through the stages of grieving but I got stuck on the last stage of “unresolved grief.”
To get beyond my anger I had to change my attitude. I began thanking God for the gift of my parents. Instead of being angry I began being gracious. An attitude of gratitude enabled me to resolve my grief and move forward with my life.
Grief or loss manifests itself in a variety of ways. Sometimes it is impossible to resolve a relationship that has been strained. In Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul, Robert Strand tells the story where a mother resolved her relationship with her daughter. It is entitled the Unlocked Door.
His story took place in Glasgow, Scotland. A young woman, like a lot of teens today, got tired of home and the restraints of her parents. She rejected her family's religious lifestyle and said, "I don't want your God. I give up. I'm leaving!" She left home, deciding to become a woman of the world. Before long, however, she was dejected and unable to find a job, so she took to the streets to sell her body as a prostitute. The years passed by, her father died, her mother grew older, and she became more and more entrenched in her way of life. No contact was made between she and her mother during these years. The mother, having heard of her daughter's whereabouts, made her way to the skid-row section of the city in search of her daughter. She stopped at each of the rescue missions with a simple request. "Would you allow me to put up this picture?' It was a picture of the smiling, gray-haired mother with a handwritten message at the bottom: "I love you still.., come home!"
Some more months went by, and nothing happened. Then one day the daughter wandered into a rescue mission for a needed meal. She sat absent-mindedly listening to the service, all the while letting her eyes wander over to the bulletin board. There she saw the picture and thought, Could that be my mother? She couldn't wait until the service was over. She stood and went to look. It was her mother, and there were those words, "I love you still.., come home!" As she stood in front of the picture, she wept. It was too good to be true.
By this time it was night, but she was so touched by the message that she started walking home. By the time she arrived it was early in the morning. She was afraid and made her way timidly, not really knowing what to do. As she knocked, the door flew open on its own. She thought someone must have broken into the house. Concerned for her mother's safety, the young woman ran to the bedroom and found her still sleeping. She shook her mother awake and said, "It's me! It's me! I'm home!" The mother couldn't believe her eyes. She wiped her tears and they fell into each other's arms. The daughter said, "I was so worried! The door was open and I thought someone had broken in. The mother replied gently, "No dear. From the day you left, that door has never been locked."
Rev. Dr. Keith Wagner is the pastor of St. John's UCC in Troy, Ohio. He has served churches in Southwest Ohio for over three decades. He is an ordained minister of the United Church of Christ and has an M.Div. from Methodist Theological School, Delaware, Ohio, and a D.Min. from United Theological Seminary in Dayton, Ohio. He has also been an adjunct professor at Edison Community College, Piqua, Ohio. He and his wife, Lin, live in Springfield, Ohio.
*****************************************
StoryShare, August 9, 2015, issue.
Copyright 2015 by CSS Publishing Company, Inc., Lima, Ohio.
All rights reserved. Subscribers to the StoryShare service may print and use this material as it was intended in sermons, in worship and classroom settings, in brief devotions, in radio spots, and as newsletter fillers. No additional permission is required from the publisher for such use by subscribers only. Inquiries should be addressed to permissions@csspub.com or to Permissions, CSS Publishing Company, Inc., 5450 N. Dixie Highway, Lima, Ohio 45807.
