The Need to Be Appreciated and Respected
Sermon
Six Spiritual Needs in America Today
Sermons with Chancel Dramas
Object:
Worship Aid
A Chancel Drama suggestion for the sermon, "You Are My Beloved," is titled "The Conference." It is an original drama by Arley K. Fadness.
Synopsis: A strangely behaving student and his parents have a conference with the school counselor about the student's behavior problems. Throughout the consultation, the student acts out strange antics in order to call attention to himself. The counselor shocks the parents with a surprising diagnosis and prescription at the end of the consultation.
This chancel drama is a setup for preaching to the theme of "The Need To Be Appreciated And Respected."
* * *
The Conference
Text: Mark 1:10-11
Theme: The Need To Be Appreciated And Respected
Characters:
Dr. Hobbs, school counselor
Parents, Mr. and Mrs. Rosett
Dirk, troubled student
Tone: Humorous, underlying serious
Setting/Props: Counselor's office, chairs
Approximate time: 5-6 minutes
(School sounds may be heard, such as bells, announcements over a public address system, hall noise, etc.)
(Troubled student and parents enter counselor's office)
Counselor: C'mon in, Mr. and Mrs. Rosett -- you too -- ah er...
Parent 1: ... ah, Dirk...
Counselor: Come in, Dirk.
(Dirk hops up on a chair with his feet on the seat, arms dangling like an ape, mouth open. He is obviously misbehaving and acts as though nothing is getting through.)
Counselor: My name is Dr. Hobbs and I'm the school counselor here at __________ High School. (Looks at paper) I see you, Dirk, have been referred to me by Principal Burns, ah, and by, ah, four of your present teachers, the coach and, ah, by your pastor, Rev. Gullickson, and, ah, let's see, also by the local police department. Hmmmm. (Reading) "Behavior modification and temperament adjustment needed. There are symptoms of an underlying problem. Special attention is needed."
Parents: He (points to Dirk) doesn't have problems. He is a problem!
Counselor: And how do you feel about that?
Parent 1: He is disrespectful, uncontrollable, defiant, lazy, and...
Parent 2: ... distant, aloof, ever since we cracked down on him.
Counselor: And when was that Mr. (Mrs.) Rosett?
Parent 1: Just last month when he started eleventh grade.
Counselor: (Shocked) You just gave him rules last month?
Parent 1: Yes, we pretty much let him make his own choices while he was growing up. After all, we both work -- in fact, I have two part-time jobs to make ends meet.
Parent 2: Well, we both wouldn't have to work... I am doing quite well...
Parent 1: Nonsense. We need the money!
Counselor: Hmmm. Where are you at in all this, Dirk?
Dirk: (Role plays an ape) Ugh. Ugh. (Points to fruit basket) Ugh. Ugh.
Counselor: (Role plays, too) Okay, okay, Corky Dorky, you want a banana. I'll throw it into your cage. (Tosses banana)
(Dirk sweeps it up, peels it, throws peeling into the audience, eats banana. Offers some to parents, who angrily reject it. Rubs stomach with a contented look.)
Counselor: Hmmm -- most unusual behavior. Acts like an ape, eh?
Parent 1: Dirk! Cut the crap! We've got serious business here.
Parent 2: (To counselor) Yesterday he was a kangaroo.
Counselor: (Incredulously) A kangaroo?
(At the mention of "kangaroo" Dirk jumps down from his chair perch and begins to hop around like a kangaroo.)
Parent 1: (Groans) We ignore him when he's like this. I suppose he wants something from us. We give him everything he needs.
Counselor: Maybe he's trying to get your... ah... attention.
Parent 2: Attention? We feed him. We buy him clothes. We send him on vacations. We gave him his own cell phone, TV in his room, boom box, CDs, swimming pool in our backyard -- generous allowance, his new sports car... What more can we give this parasite?
Counselor: (Astonished) Parasite? You call him a parasite?
Dirk: (Breaks kangaroo stance; stands erect. Recites mechanically) A parasite is a living thing that nourishes itself on another organism. A parasite is a beggar, cadger, sponger, scrounger, freeloader, leech, bloodsucker, loafer, slacker, shirker, deadbeat, goldbrick, moocher. (Resumes kangaroo stance)
Counselor: (Shocked, to parents) That's what you think of your son?
Parent 2: (Sarcastically) You notice, he does talk.
Counselor: Do you parents have regular conversations with your son?
Parent 1: Well, not really. We don't communicate except when we're shouting and breaking dishes. (Scowls at Dirk)
Counselor: Sounds kind of violent. Maybe Dirk is needing something very important.
(Dirk nods yes as he drops his kangaroo stance.)
Parent 2: Really important? What in blazes do you mean, counselor?
Parent 1: I don't have a clue as to what you're talking about.
(Dirk assumes he is a clown by putting on a red nose and floppy hat.)
Counselor: Now what is he?
Parent 2: Bozo the clown, I guess.
Parent 1: So it's attention, attention, attention he wants! We've only got so much to give.
(Dirk acts out a brief scene in which he shows he wants love.)
Counselor: Hmm. (Pause) I believe I have a solution. My diagnosis is this:
Parents: (Eagerly) Yes, yes.
Counselor: It is obvious at least to the trained mind that your son is neither an ape, nor a kangaroo, nor a parasite, nor a clown, but a son you have conceived and reared, rather poorly, I might add, but nevertheless, your son, who deserves your love and your attention. He is a human being made in God's image who needs and expects to be appreciated and respected as a person. I am writing a prescription for you, and it's really a family prescription that will affect you all. I am confident, with new health in your relationship, the problems which brought Dirk to my office will be abated and ultimately eliminated. (Writes and gives sheets to parents) See you in two weeks. My receptionist will make the appointment. Thank you, Mr. Clown. And thanks to you, Mr. and Mrs. Rosett.
Parent 1: (Looks at sheet, aghast) I can't believe this!
Parent 2: Believe what? (Pleasantly) Thank you, Dr. Hobbs.
(Exit)
Parent 1: (Looks at prescription) I can't believe this. This is going to solve Dirk's behavior problem?
Parent 2: Well, what does it say?
Parent 1: (Reads) "For your son, Dirk, to modify his behavior challenges, he will need to feel appreciated, respected, and loved. In order for this to happen, you three will spend one hour per day together in quality mutual pursuits, giving and receiving, working and playing in a reciprocal manner." Impossible!
Parent 2: Impossible? I think this is not impossible. In fact, this is possible. We are going to do it. (Thinks for a few moments and then has an "aha" look. Reaches in Dirk's pocket and pulls out two red clown noses and puts one on. Then gives the second one to a reluctant Parent 1. They look at one another, laugh and begin to exit arm in arm.)
(Dirk nods excitedly. All exit)
The End
__________
You Are My Beloved
Mark 1:10-11
"And just as He was coming up out of the water, He saw the heavens torn apart and the spirit descending like a dove on Him. And a voice came from heaven, 'You are my Son, the Beloved: with you I am well pleased.' "
Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
I tell you a tale of a little village in an isolated land where the people shared a boundless sense of happiness. The people in this village showed only one unusual feature about their life together. They had a custom -- a delightful custom -- of giving fuzzies to each other. Something about fuzzies felt good and made people happy.
Then one day someone became upset over something petty and started a rumor of retaliation. "Have you heard about the shortage of fuzzies?" the disgruntled member of the community began asking.
Before long, the people began hiding their fuzzies. They buried them in fields, hid them in out-of-the-way places, and locked them in vaults. Only on birthdays and anniversaries did they wrap up fuzzies as special presents. In time they quit giving them altogether.
As you might expect, the little village developed into a miserable place to live. People became cranky and sad, gloomy and depressed. They began fighting, and strife broke out. Tension and suspicion replaced the former trust and good will.
Then one day, while some of the children were playing in a field, they stumbled onto a hidden cache of fuzzies. The tingle as they touched them felt wonderful. With delighted laughter they gave some to their friends. The more they gave away, the happier they felt. The adults soon noticed and remembered the good old days.
Soon they joined the fun and brought out their fuzzies from hiding. And, as you might expect, the village became a wonderful place to live again.
What are these fuzzies? Nothing more than honest compliments and true appreciation. Not flattery. Not kind words and deeds as a setup in order to manipulate -- but true affirmations that build up another person's morale and self-esteem.1
I tell you this tale to introduce the topic for today.
This is a series of six sermons based on the six spiritual needs of Americans. The third need that George Gallup Jr., identified in his survey is the need to be appreciated and respected.
George Gallup discovered that one-third of the American people have a low sense of self-worth and self-esteem. However, he also discovered that the closer people feel to God, the better they feel about themselves. An active faith can repair damage done by others.2
Susan Pickle, Human Development Specialist with the University of Missouri-Columbia Extension, discovered in her research these findings:
-- Adults receive about 60 put-downs a day and most are given by themselves.
-- 75 percent of adult thinking is negative.
-- By age 4, the average child has had 25,000 put-downs.
-- By fifth grade, only 20 percent of youth feel good about themselves.
-- By high school graduation, only 5 percent feel good about themselves.3
It's like a great societal vacuum, a great black hole, a cosmic magnet that sucks away our good feelings and perceptions about ourselves, making us forget we are created in the image of God.
Marilee Zdenek has written a tender little book of poems titled Splinters In My Pride. She tells, "Once, I knew a little girl who spent her own money to buy a box of gold stars and stuck every one of them on a piece of paper that had her name on the top. I thought what an enormous need for a child to be loved -- to buy enough stars so that the need for self-esteem is quenched."4
The text for this morning is a refreshing breeze. It's a text from Mark's gospel, chapter one, verses ten and eleven.
Let me take you back to the beginning of Jesus' public ministry. Let me take you back in time to the Jordan River, to Jesus' baptism. Look closely at what happened.
Just as Jesus was coming up out of the water, He saw the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove on Him, and a Voice came from heaven, "You are my Son, the Beloved, with you I am well pleased."
What an affirmation, especially at this point, as Dick Meyer points out, because Jesus has yet to do anything. He has not healed anyone. He has not preached a sermon. He hasn't told any parables or calmed any seas. And yet there is this affirming word from heaven: "With you I am well pleased. You are my beloved."5
What do these words tell us about God? What do they teach us about ourselves? Ten times you see these affirming words in the New Testament. And they remind us that God's acceptance has nothing to do with our performance. God loves us for who we are -- not what we have done. Christ dies for us while we were yet sinners. Why? Because you and I matter to God. God speaks, not only to the Son, "You are my Beloved," but also to you and to me.
Henri Nouwen puts God's words this way:
I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours. You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests. I have molded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother's womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in the shadow of my embrace. I look at you with infinite tenderness and care for you with a care more intimate than that of a mother for her child... you belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover, and your spouse... nothing will ever separate us. We are one.6
It is very hard to accept this "Beloved" stance -- this "most favored position." One's immediate response is to fight it. We can fight it or believe it and/or practice it.
Coming out of our low self-esteem we naturally fight it.
I have a friend who, if you give her a warm fuzzie, a gold star, a true compliment, will fight it. I say, "I like your house." Her response is, "Oh, but the color is painted wrong; the steps are sagging; the hot water heater is going out," and she will discount and neutralize the compliment.
We do that. We recycle affirmations. Sometimes we are afraid that if we don't put ourselves down, someone else will, and that will be much more painful.
We need to be appreciated and respected. We need to hear, "You are my beloved," from God. You do matter to God. And we need it from one another. "You have worth in my eyes; you have value; you are gifted with gifts and potential; I like who you are; I admire you and I respect you and I appreciate you. I grow from you."
A letter to Dear Abby signed, "Spotted in Long Island," bemoaned the fact that a young lady saw herself practically ruined because she had freckles. Abby answered by suggesting she cover up her freckles if they bothered her. But the suggestion brought on a storm of responses, prompting this letter:
Dear Abby: Please tell "Spotted in Long Island" -- the young woman with freckles -- not to worry.
I am a 68-year old woman with freckles and red hair, and I have felt her pain. I used buttermilk, stump-water, lemon juice, all kinds of bleaching creams and anything else that was suggested to make my freckles disappear. I still have freckles!
When anyone dared to tell me I was pretty, I refused to believe him. I overheard someone say (about me), "She's beautiful, and the most beautiful part of it is that she doesn't believe it."
Not until I was 60 years old did I realize that I had been pretty all my life. I meet people I haven't seen in 35 or 40 years, and they recognize me immediately and even remember my name. Becoming gray hasn't changed me from "that redhead from Arkansas."
Our gift from God is who we are; our gift TO God is what we become. Make the most of what you have and be happy. Life is too short to be wasted. Sign me... The Girl Who Swallowed A $20 Gold Piece and Broke Out in Pennies.7
Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Rather than fight it -- believe it.
God said in your baptism, "You are My Beloved." Brothers and Sisters who care say, "I think you're great"; "I think you're wonderful"; "I love you."
It won't be easy to believe it if you have had a lifetime of negativity and have been plagued with self-doubt and low self-esteem. But just think of where who you are starts. It starts in your baptism.
William Willimon says, "In Baptism we are initiated, crowned, chosen, embraced, washed, adopted, gifted, reborn, killed, and thereby redeemed. We are identified as one of God's own, then assigned our place and our job within the kingdom of God. The way for a Christian to find out who he or she is, is not to jump on the rear of a Honda and head west, but rather to come to the font and look into those graceful waters. The reflection of yourself which you see there is who you really are."8
Believe it. "You are my Beloved!"
I'll never forget the backward compliment I received from my father once. My boyhood neighbors and I had been rascals, playing jokes and pranks until one day we went too far... Dad was furious with our behavior and he exploded and said to my friend, "This I would expect from you, but [looking at me] not from you." Then I realized the high expectations that Dad had about me. And over the years Dad communicated one way or another, "Arley, you're a great son. I value you. You're something!"
I was the Dean of my conference a few years ago. While helping a church secure a pastoral candidate, I asked, "What kind of a pastor do you want?" The call committee said, "We want a pastor just like Pastor Fadness." Obviously I was amazed and affirmed, and I never forgot the statement.
Don't fight it. Believe it. And then practice it, one to another.
Say, "You are my beloved. You are my beloved friend. You are my beloved neighbor. You are my beloved son, daughter, spouse, significant other. You are my beloved employee, student, teacher."
And if you can't do it at first with words -- begin with deeds. Acts of love and kindness have no bounds. They'll know -- they'll know they are from one who is loved and changed by Christ.
Joan Benny remembers Sunday mornings as being her "special time" with her father, Jack Benny:
Daddy would wake me up for breakfast about 7:30. Then we'd head outside to go for a drive. Daddy would get into the car and turn the ignition key. Inevitably, nothing would happen. He would push and pull every button on the dashboard, twist all the knobs and pump the accelerator, but the motor still wouldn't start. At length he would sigh and say to me, "Honey, the car just won't start until you give me a kiss."
So I did, and it did -- and off we went. For a long time I believed there was some kind of scientific connection between kissing and car-starting.9
The warm fuzzies are waiting. A thousand gold stars, too.
A kiss, a hug, a word, a deed -- you are my beloved. I appreciate you. I respect you. Amen.
____________
1. Story by Charles Mylander, source unknown.
2. Faith at Work, Volume 106, No. 3, p. 2.
3. Susan Pickle, Research at University of Missouri-Columbia Extension.
4. Marilee Zdenek, Splinters In My Pride.
5. Faith at Work, Volume 106, No. 3, p. 3.
6. FAW, Volume 106, No. 3, pp. 2, 10. From Henri Nouwen's Life of the Beloved.
7. As seen in a Dear Abby column by Abigail Van Buren. c Universal Press Syndicate, Reprinted by Permission. All rights reserved.
8. Quote from William Willimon used by permission.
9. Reprinted from Sunday Nights at Seven: The Jack Benny Story c 1991, Warner Books, New York.
A Chancel Drama suggestion for the sermon, "You Are My Beloved," is titled "The Conference." It is an original drama by Arley K. Fadness.
Synopsis: A strangely behaving student and his parents have a conference with the school counselor about the student's behavior problems. Throughout the consultation, the student acts out strange antics in order to call attention to himself. The counselor shocks the parents with a surprising diagnosis and prescription at the end of the consultation.
This chancel drama is a setup for preaching to the theme of "The Need To Be Appreciated And Respected."
* * *
The Conference
Text: Mark 1:10-11
Theme: The Need To Be Appreciated And Respected
Characters:
Dr. Hobbs, school counselor
Parents, Mr. and Mrs. Rosett
Dirk, troubled student
Tone: Humorous, underlying serious
Setting/Props: Counselor's office, chairs
Approximate time: 5-6 minutes
(School sounds may be heard, such as bells, announcements over a public address system, hall noise, etc.)
(Troubled student and parents enter counselor's office)
Counselor: C'mon in, Mr. and Mrs. Rosett -- you too -- ah er...
Parent 1: ... ah, Dirk...
Counselor: Come in, Dirk.
(Dirk hops up on a chair with his feet on the seat, arms dangling like an ape, mouth open. He is obviously misbehaving and acts as though nothing is getting through.)
Counselor: My name is Dr. Hobbs and I'm the school counselor here at __________ High School. (Looks at paper) I see you, Dirk, have been referred to me by Principal Burns, ah, and by, ah, four of your present teachers, the coach and, ah, by your pastor, Rev. Gullickson, and, ah, let's see, also by the local police department. Hmmmm. (Reading) "Behavior modification and temperament adjustment needed. There are symptoms of an underlying problem. Special attention is needed."
Parents: He (points to Dirk) doesn't have problems. He is a problem!
Counselor: And how do you feel about that?
Parent 1: He is disrespectful, uncontrollable, defiant, lazy, and...
Parent 2: ... distant, aloof, ever since we cracked down on him.
Counselor: And when was that Mr. (Mrs.) Rosett?
Parent 1: Just last month when he started eleventh grade.
Counselor: (Shocked) You just gave him rules last month?
Parent 1: Yes, we pretty much let him make his own choices while he was growing up. After all, we both work -- in fact, I have two part-time jobs to make ends meet.
Parent 2: Well, we both wouldn't have to work... I am doing quite well...
Parent 1: Nonsense. We need the money!
Counselor: Hmmm. Where are you at in all this, Dirk?
Dirk: (Role plays an ape) Ugh. Ugh. (Points to fruit basket) Ugh. Ugh.
Counselor: (Role plays, too) Okay, okay, Corky Dorky, you want a banana. I'll throw it into your cage. (Tosses banana)
(Dirk sweeps it up, peels it, throws peeling into the audience, eats banana. Offers some to parents, who angrily reject it. Rubs stomach with a contented look.)
Counselor: Hmmm -- most unusual behavior. Acts like an ape, eh?
Parent 1: Dirk! Cut the crap! We've got serious business here.
Parent 2: (To counselor) Yesterday he was a kangaroo.
Counselor: (Incredulously) A kangaroo?
(At the mention of "kangaroo" Dirk jumps down from his chair perch and begins to hop around like a kangaroo.)
Parent 1: (Groans) We ignore him when he's like this. I suppose he wants something from us. We give him everything he needs.
Counselor: Maybe he's trying to get your... ah... attention.
Parent 2: Attention? We feed him. We buy him clothes. We send him on vacations. We gave him his own cell phone, TV in his room, boom box, CDs, swimming pool in our backyard -- generous allowance, his new sports car... What more can we give this parasite?
Counselor: (Astonished) Parasite? You call him a parasite?
Dirk: (Breaks kangaroo stance; stands erect. Recites mechanically) A parasite is a living thing that nourishes itself on another organism. A parasite is a beggar, cadger, sponger, scrounger, freeloader, leech, bloodsucker, loafer, slacker, shirker, deadbeat, goldbrick, moocher. (Resumes kangaroo stance)
Counselor: (Shocked, to parents) That's what you think of your son?
Parent 2: (Sarcastically) You notice, he does talk.
Counselor: Do you parents have regular conversations with your son?
Parent 1: Well, not really. We don't communicate except when we're shouting and breaking dishes. (Scowls at Dirk)
Counselor: Sounds kind of violent. Maybe Dirk is needing something very important.
(Dirk nods yes as he drops his kangaroo stance.)
Parent 2: Really important? What in blazes do you mean, counselor?
Parent 1: I don't have a clue as to what you're talking about.
(Dirk assumes he is a clown by putting on a red nose and floppy hat.)
Counselor: Now what is he?
Parent 2: Bozo the clown, I guess.
Parent 1: So it's attention, attention, attention he wants! We've only got so much to give.
(Dirk acts out a brief scene in which he shows he wants love.)
Counselor: Hmm. (Pause) I believe I have a solution. My diagnosis is this:
Parents: (Eagerly) Yes, yes.
Counselor: It is obvious at least to the trained mind that your son is neither an ape, nor a kangaroo, nor a parasite, nor a clown, but a son you have conceived and reared, rather poorly, I might add, but nevertheless, your son, who deserves your love and your attention. He is a human being made in God's image who needs and expects to be appreciated and respected as a person. I am writing a prescription for you, and it's really a family prescription that will affect you all. I am confident, with new health in your relationship, the problems which brought Dirk to my office will be abated and ultimately eliminated. (Writes and gives sheets to parents) See you in two weeks. My receptionist will make the appointment. Thank you, Mr. Clown. And thanks to you, Mr. and Mrs. Rosett.
Parent 1: (Looks at sheet, aghast) I can't believe this!
Parent 2: Believe what? (Pleasantly) Thank you, Dr. Hobbs.
(Exit)
Parent 1: (Looks at prescription) I can't believe this. This is going to solve Dirk's behavior problem?
Parent 2: Well, what does it say?
Parent 1: (Reads) "For your son, Dirk, to modify his behavior challenges, he will need to feel appreciated, respected, and loved. In order for this to happen, you three will spend one hour per day together in quality mutual pursuits, giving and receiving, working and playing in a reciprocal manner." Impossible!
Parent 2: Impossible? I think this is not impossible. In fact, this is possible. We are going to do it. (Thinks for a few moments and then has an "aha" look. Reaches in Dirk's pocket and pulls out two red clown noses and puts one on. Then gives the second one to a reluctant Parent 1. They look at one another, laugh and begin to exit arm in arm.)
(Dirk nods excitedly. All exit)
The End
__________
You Are My Beloved
Mark 1:10-11
"And just as He was coming up out of the water, He saw the heavens torn apart and the spirit descending like a dove on Him. And a voice came from heaven, 'You are my Son, the Beloved: with you I am well pleased.' "
Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
I tell you a tale of a little village in an isolated land where the people shared a boundless sense of happiness. The people in this village showed only one unusual feature about their life together. They had a custom -- a delightful custom -- of giving fuzzies to each other. Something about fuzzies felt good and made people happy.
Then one day someone became upset over something petty and started a rumor of retaliation. "Have you heard about the shortage of fuzzies?" the disgruntled member of the community began asking.
Before long, the people began hiding their fuzzies. They buried them in fields, hid them in out-of-the-way places, and locked them in vaults. Only on birthdays and anniversaries did they wrap up fuzzies as special presents. In time they quit giving them altogether.
As you might expect, the little village developed into a miserable place to live. People became cranky and sad, gloomy and depressed. They began fighting, and strife broke out. Tension and suspicion replaced the former trust and good will.
Then one day, while some of the children were playing in a field, they stumbled onto a hidden cache of fuzzies. The tingle as they touched them felt wonderful. With delighted laughter they gave some to their friends. The more they gave away, the happier they felt. The adults soon noticed and remembered the good old days.
Soon they joined the fun and brought out their fuzzies from hiding. And, as you might expect, the village became a wonderful place to live again.
What are these fuzzies? Nothing more than honest compliments and true appreciation. Not flattery. Not kind words and deeds as a setup in order to manipulate -- but true affirmations that build up another person's morale and self-esteem.1
I tell you this tale to introduce the topic for today.
This is a series of six sermons based on the six spiritual needs of Americans. The third need that George Gallup Jr., identified in his survey is the need to be appreciated and respected.
George Gallup discovered that one-third of the American people have a low sense of self-worth and self-esteem. However, he also discovered that the closer people feel to God, the better they feel about themselves. An active faith can repair damage done by others.2
Susan Pickle, Human Development Specialist with the University of Missouri-Columbia Extension, discovered in her research these findings:
-- Adults receive about 60 put-downs a day and most are given by themselves.
-- 75 percent of adult thinking is negative.
-- By age 4, the average child has had 25,000 put-downs.
-- By fifth grade, only 20 percent of youth feel good about themselves.
-- By high school graduation, only 5 percent feel good about themselves.3
It's like a great societal vacuum, a great black hole, a cosmic magnet that sucks away our good feelings and perceptions about ourselves, making us forget we are created in the image of God.
Marilee Zdenek has written a tender little book of poems titled Splinters In My Pride. She tells, "Once, I knew a little girl who spent her own money to buy a box of gold stars and stuck every one of them on a piece of paper that had her name on the top. I thought what an enormous need for a child to be loved -- to buy enough stars so that the need for self-esteem is quenched."4
The text for this morning is a refreshing breeze. It's a text from Mark's gospel, chapter one, verses ten and eleven.
Let me take you back to the beginning of Jesus' public ministry. Let me take you back in time to the Jordan River, to Jesus' baptism. Look closely at what happened.
Just as Jesus was coming up out of the water, He saw the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove on Him, and a Voice came from heaven, "You are my Son, the Beloved, with you I am well pleased."
What an affirmation, especially at this point, as Dick Meyer points out, because Jesus has yet to do anything. He has not healed anyone. He has not preached a sermon. He hasn't told any parables or calmed any seas. And yet there is this affirming word from heaven: "With you I am well pleased. You are my beloved."5
What do these words tell us about God? What do they teach us about ourselves? Ten times you see these affirming words in the New Testament. And they remind us that God's acceptance has nothing to do with our performance. God loves us for who we are -- not what we have done. Christ dies for us while we were yet sinners. Why? Because you and I matter to God. God speaks, not only to the Son, "You are my Beloved," but also to you and to me.
Henri Nouwen puts God's words this way:
I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours. You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests. I have molded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother's womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in the shadow of my embrace. I look at you with infinite tenderness and care for you with a care more intimate than that of a mother for her child... you belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover, and your spouse... nothing will ever separate us. We are one.6
It is very hard to accept this "Beloved" stance -- this "most favored position." One's immediate response is to fight it. We can fight it or believe it and/or practice it.
Coming out of our low self-esteem we naturally fight it.
I have a friend who, if you give her a warm fuzzie, a gold star, a true compliment, will fight it. I say, "I like your house." Her response is, "Oh, but the color is painted wrong; the steps are sagging; the hot water heater is going out," and she will discount and neutralize the compliment.
We do that. We recycle affirmations. Sometimes we are afraid that if we don't put ourselves down, someone else will, and that will be much more painful.
We need to be appreciated and respected. We need to hear, "You are my beloved," from God. You do matter to God. And we need it from one another. "You have worth in my eyes; you have value; you are gifted with gifts and potential; I like who you are; I admire you and I respect you and I appreciate you. I grow from you."
A letter to Dear Abby signed, "Spotted in Long Island," bemoaned the fact that a young lady saw herself practically ruined because she had freckles. Abby answered by suggesting she cover up her freckles if they bothered her. But the suggestion brought on a storm of responses, prompting this letter:
Dear Abby: Please tell "Spotted in Long Island" -- the young woman with freckles -- not to worry.
I am a 68-year old woman with freckles and red hair, and I have felt her pain. I used buttermilk, stump-water, lemon juice, all kinds of bleaching creams and anything else that was suggested to make my freckles disappear. I still have freckles!
When anyone dared to tell me I was pretty, I refused to believe him. I overheard someone say (about me), "She's beautiful, and the most beautiful part of it is that she doesn't believe it."
Not until I was 60 years old did I realize that I had been pretty all my life. I meet people I haven't seen in 35 or 40 years, and they recognize me immediately and even remember my name. Becoming gray hasn't changed me from "that redhead from Arkansas."
Our gift from God is who we are; our gift TO God is what we become. Make the most of what you have and be happy. Life is too short to be wasted. Sign me... The Girl Who Swallowed A $20 Gold Piece and Broke Out in Pennies.7
Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Rather than fight it -- believe it.
God said in your baptism, "You are My Beloved." Brothers and Sisters who care say, "I think you're great"; "I think you're wonderful"; "I love you."
It won't be easy to believe it if you have had a lifetime of negativity and have been plagued with self-doubt and low self-esteem. But just think of where who you are starts. It starts in your baptism.
William Willimon says, "In Baptism we are initiated, crowned, chosen, embraced, washed, adopted, gifted, reborn, killed, and thereby redeemed. We are identified as one of God's own, then assigned our place and our job within the kingdom of God. The way for a Christian to find out who he or she is, is not to jump on the rear of a Honda and head west, but rather to come to the font and look into those graceful waters. The reflection of yourself which you see there is who you really are."8
Believe it. "You are my Beloved!"
I'll never forget the backward compliment I received from my father once. My boyhood neighbors and I had been rascals, playing jokes and pranks until one day we went too far... Dad was furious with our behavior and he exploded and said to my friend, "This I would expect from you, but [looking at me] not from you." Then I realized the high expectations that Dad had about me. And over the years Dad communicated one way or another, "Arley, you're a great son. I value you. You're something!"
I was the Dean of my conference a few years ago. While helping a church secure a pastoral candidate, I asked, "What kind of a pastor do you want?" The call committee said, "We want a pastor just like Pastor Fadness." Obviously I was amazed and affirmed, and I never forgot the statement.
Don't fight it. Believe it. And then practice it, one to another.
Say, "You are my beloved. You are my beloved friend. You are my beloved neighbor. You are my beloved son, daughter, spouse, significant other. You are my beloved employee, student, teacher."
And if you can't do it at first with words -- begin with deeds. Acts of love and kindness have no bounds. They'll know -- they'll know they are from one who is loved and changed by Christ.
Joan Benny remembers Sunday mornings as being her "special time" with her father, Jack Benny:
Daddy would wake me up for breakfast about 7:30. Then we'd head outside to go for a drive. Daddy would get into the car and turn the ignition key. Inevitably, nothing would happen. He would push and pull every button on the dashboard, twist all the knobs and pump the accelerator, but the motor still wouldn't start. At length he would sigh and say to me, "Honey, the car just won't start until you give me a kiss."
So I did, and it did -- and off we went. For a long time I believed there was some kind of scientific connection between kissing and car-starting.9
The warm fuzzies are waiting. A thousand gold stars, too.
A kiss, a hug, a word, a deed -- you are my beloved. I appreciate you. I respect you. Amen.
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1. Story by Charles Mylander, source unknown.
2. Faith at Work, Volume 106, No. 3, p. 2.
3. Susan Pickle, Research at University of Missouri-Columbia Extension.
4. Marilee Zdenek, Splinters In My Pride.
5. Faith at Work, Volume 106, No. 3, p. 3.
6. FAW, Volume 106, No. 3, pp. 2, 10. From Henri Nouwen's Life of the Beloved.
7. As seen in a Dear Abby column by Abigail Van Buren. c Universal Press Syndicate, Reprinted by Permission. All rights reserved.
8. Quote from William Willimon used by permission.
9. Reprinted from Sunday Nights at Seven: The Jack Benny Story c 1991, Warner Books, New York.
