Must I Forgive?
Sermon
Questions Of Faith
Gospel Sermons For Sundays After Pentecost
Introduction
As a pastor I have been asked on occasion if one must forgive another who has wronged him/her in order to receive eternal life. How would you answer that? Is the answer always, "Yes," to that question, or does it depend on the sin and the circumstance?
Are there some sins that just are not forgivable? For instance, what would you say if you were asked: "Do I have to forgive my colleague who continues to defame me to others and is ruining my reputation?" Or what would you say to the mother who tells you: "Yes, I have a son, but we don't speak to each other. I won't forgive him for stealing my retirement savings." Or what do you say to the man who still loves his wife and asks: "Should I forgive her even though she continues to be unfaithful to me?" Or what do you say to the young woman who was abused verbally, physically, or sexually by her parents? Do you tell her that she must forgive? Or how about the mother who asks you: "Do I have to forgive the drunk driver who killed my child? He has never said he was sorry."
The question is: "Must I forgive?" There is no easy answer to that question. From a quick reading of today's lessons it would seem that if we don't forgive, we are not forgiven. But I don't think it is quite so black and white.
Last Sunday's Gospel dealt with conflict in the church and the importance of going to the one who has wronged you. Today's Gospel is a continuation of that discussion. Peter asks Jesus if it is enough to forgive another member of the church seven times. He wanted to know exactly what Jesus expected of him. The rabbis of that day taught that you should forgive your brother three times. Jesus responds to Peter, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times," according to the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible. In other words, there are no limits on forgiveness.
To Forgive Is Difficult
Jesus continues his teaching on forgiveness with the illustration of the unforgiving servant. The king acts mercifully, forgiving freely and unconditionally the debt of the servant. It is an incredible debt the king forgives -- ten thousand talents. (A talent is worth about $1,000.) By the end of the story, the servant with the huge debt lost his forgiveness because he refused to forgive a fellow slave who owed him only a hundred denarii. (A denarii is worth about twenty cents.)
This parable of the unforgiving servant speaks directly to us today as it affirms that it is difficult for us to forgive even trivial offenses. But it also shows us there are some boundaries. The servant who would not show mercy on a fellow servant is punished. He was to be tortured until he paid his entire debt.
Some of us here know that kind of torture. We live with it day after day because we have not been able to forgive someone who has offended us, or we have not been able to forgive ourselves for something we have done that we know is wrong. A parishioner asked her pastor when God would quit punishing her for her unfaithfulness to her marriage vows. This woman believed that all the difficulties she was having in life were God's punishments. The truth was that she was punishing herself for what she thought was an unforgivable sin. In other words, not to forgive means a life of guilt and pain. Even so, it is still difficult to forgive.
There are several reasons why it is so difficult to forgive. One is that we want justice. We agree with the sayings: "As one sows, so shall one reap," or "As you make your bed, so must you lie in it." There is a truth in those sayings, but we must keep in mind that forgiveness rarely means there are no consequences of the sin. If we steal something, we may have to serve time. If we are unfaithful to our spouse, we may lose our family. If we cheat, we may get an F or kicked off the team. Yet, even knowing that forgiveness does not do away with the consequences of sin, it can still be difficult to forgive. It is hard to let go of feelings of anger, resentment, and even hatred because the pain is so deep. Sometimes we even want revenge.
The well-known British scholar and author, C. S. Lewis, was deeply hurt by a teacher when he was a boy. The hurt was so deep that he had difficulty forgiving, and as a Christian, this troubled Lewis. He had tried over the years again and again to forgive this schoolmaster, but it didn't work. It was not many weeks before he died that Lewis wrote a friend telling him that finally he had at last forgiven the schoolmaster who had darkened his childhood.
Many of us can identify with Lewis' feelings. It may have been a teacher or a parent, a friend or a spouse who has hurt us so deeply that we can still feel the pain. For some the pain is so intense that it is simply easier to cut that person out of our lives than to forgive.
Or for some of us it is pride or embarrassment that will not allow us to forgive the person who has hurt us.
Then, too, it is more difficult for those who do not think they have done anything wrong to forgive another. But remember, to be human is to sin. There is not one of us who has not committed sins of omission. And sometimes it may be other people who encourage us to remain estranged. You may have heard someone say, "You surely are not going to forgive him after what he has done to you?" The person who says that may mean well because he or she is tired of seeing you being used and/or abused.
The hardest words we may ever say are, "I forgive you." However, it may be easier to do when we understand that forgiveness is not saying the sin never happened, or that everything is okay, or that we no longer feel the pain of the sin, because we do and we will feel the pain of it for years and years. And it does not mean that we will not remove ourselves from the situation, such as an abusive relationship. But it does mean letting go even if the other person does not ask for forgiveness and placing it in God's hands. It is you, with God's help taking the initiative, going to the person telling him/her what he/she has done that has hurt you and that you forgive. Before you can do this, you may have to ask God to give you the grace to forgive.
When Jesus says forgive seventy-seven times, it is not just for the sake of the other one but for you and me. Unwillingness to forgive hurts us more than the one who hurt us. The key verse in today's Gospel is: "Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?" That is the golden rule, but even more so. Do unto others as you would have God do unto you. It is like the petition we pray in the Lord's Prayer -- "Forgive us our trespasses (sin) as we forgive those who trespass (sin) against us." Are we praying, in that prayer, God to forgive us with the same love, grace, and totality that we forgive? I hope not. I do not think that is what either the petition in the Lord's Prayer or the verse from today's Gospel is saying. Rather it means we can have mercy, we are able to forgive others, when we claim God's forgiveness. If we can't forgive, it means our hearts are so filled with hate instead of love that there is no room for God's forgiveness.
To Forgive Is Healing
The goal of forgiveness is not to get over guilt but to restore a relationship with God and with our neighbor. Forgiveness is not passive resignation to a bad situation. We do not shrug our shoulders and say, "Well there's nothing else to do, I might as well forgive." There is little healing in that kind of forgiveness. Forgiveness, when it is the restoration of a relationship, is a positive, joyful activity. When we forgive we change from seeing ourselves as victims to seeing ourselves as victors. It allows us to move from weakness to strength, from inadequacy to self-affirmation. Forgiveness allows us to experience within our own lives the power and the presence of the indwelling Christ.
To be the church means we believe, as we confess in the concluding words of the Apostles' Creed, in "the communion of saints; the forgiveness of sins; the resurrection of the body; and the life everlasting." Forgiveness of sins is right up there with saints and life everlasting. Forgiveness of sins, through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, is the most concrete evidence of God's love for us. There is nothing more powerful than to be forgiven when you do not deserve it or expect it. And when we are able to forgive, it is a witness that we are the forgiven people of God. And when we reach out to heal brokenness through forgiveness, we are being faithful to our calling to be God's church.
One of the best modern-day examples of forgiveness that I can remember is what happened in South Africa after Nelson Mandela became president. Mandela had been imprisoned for 27 years. One would think he would come out a bitter man wanting to punish those who had taken away 27 years of his life. But it did not happen. There was no retribution, no revenge, no blood bath. Instead there was forgiveness and reconciliation.
Another example of forgiveness and reconciliation happened a few years ago when a group of 86 Lutheran youth and their advisors went on a servant event to Eastern Europe. The youth were going to build a playground for children in Poland. However, before they went to Poland, there was a home stay in Otterdorf Okrilla, a small town outside of Dresden, Germany. Now remember the Germans were our enemy during World War II. Since this part of Germany had been under communist control until the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, they had only limited experience with the West and Americans.
Some road construction and detours caused the busses with the youth to get lost, and the group arrived quite late. When the busses finally arrived, they were welcomed as celebrities. The streets of this little town were lined with people waving and cheering. When they arrived at the church, there were balloons, banners, and tables spread with food and drinks. After eating they all went into the church for a worship service led by their youth.
The next day the Germans went with the Americans to Dresden to be tour hosts. Dresden was a city of many art treasures. And even though it was not a military site, it was bombed by the Allies during the war. There were still signs of the bombings in the midst of restoration. In Dresden, the group gathered in a church to hear the stories of some of the survivors of the fire bombings. The survivors were all old women now and their stories were moving as they described their families and where they were when the bombs fell.
After the stories had been told, a young German man, one of the hosts, got up and asked one of the American young men to come forward with him. In broken English he said that his parents never talked about the war and he did not learn much about it in school except he knew that the United States was the enemy. The years after the war they lived under communism. Now after listening to the old women talk and the visit of the youth from the United States, he realized that he needed to ask for forgiveness from the Americans for his countrymen and women as well as the part his parents and grandparents had played in the war.
The young man from the United States, who had been asked to come forward, said, "In Jesus Christ you are forgiven." Then he went on to say, "We also ask your forgiveness for our bombing of Dresden that killed thousands and thousands of innocent people and destroyed your beautiful city. Will you forgive us?"
There was not a dry eye in that church. Can you imagine the impact that had on the youth from both countries? They heard firsthand about the destruction of war and then saw the reconciling power of forgiveness years later that is possible in Jesus Christ as the two men hugged.
When forgiveness takes place, there is healing and it brings newness of life and opens new possibilities for the future. It gives hope where there was once hurt and despair and it brings joy where there was once anger and bitterness.
Conclusion
Forgiveness is a gift from God to be passed on to others. It is not earned because if it is earned, it is not forgiveness. When we pass on the gift of forgiveness that we ourselves have received, it is the most powerful witness we have to the reality of God's grace in our own lives. It costs us nothing except to give up our pain, our bitterness, and our hate. It cost Jesus a lot -- his life! This great gift is for us to receive and to give.
Must we forgive? Yes, if we want to live the new life that Christ offers now and be released from the prison of hatred, despair, and bitterness that comes when we are not able to forgive. However to forgive is not a legalistic requirement. Jesus is not trying to make a deal with us. The Good News is that Jesus forgives even our failure to forgive. He died for our sins, including our failure to forgive.
Is there someone you need to forgive in order to live the new life in Christ -- an unfaithful spouse, an overbearing parent, a friend who has stabbed you in the back, an employer who has taken advantage of you? Or do you need to be forgiven for something you have done? Either way you have come to the right place. Receive the love of God in the forgiveness of your sins and then go out with the power of God's love and restore a broken relationship. Amen.
As a pastor I have been asked on occasion if one must forgive another who has wronged him/her in order to receive eternal life. How would you answer that? Is the answer always, "Yes," to that question, or does it depend on the sin and the circumstance?
Are there some sins that just are not forgivable? For instance, what would you say if you were asked: "Do I have to forgive my colleague who continues to defame me to others and is ruining my reputation?" Or what would you say to the mother who tells you: "Yes, I have a son, but we don't speak to each other. I won't forgive him for stealing my retirement savings." Or what do you say to the man who still loves his wife and asks: "Should I forgive her even though she continues to be unfaithful to me?" Or what do you say to the young woman who was abused verbally, physically, or sexually by her parents? Do you tell her that she must forgive? Or how about the mother who asks you: "Do I have to forgive the drunk driver who killed my child? He has never said he was sorry."
The question is: "Must I forgive?" There is no easy answer to that question. From a quick reading of today's lessons it would seem that if we don't forgive, we are not forgiven. But I don't think it is quite so black and white.
Last Sunday's Gospel dealt with conflict in the church and the importance of going to the one who has wronged you. Today's Gospel is a continuation of that discussion. Peter asks Jesus if it is enough to forgive another member of the church seven times. He wanted to know exactly what Jesus expected of him. The rabbis of that day taught that you should forgive your brother three times. Jesus responds to Peter, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times," according to the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible. In other words, there are no limits on forgiveness.
To Forgive Is Difficult
Jesus continues his teaching on forgiveness with the illustration of the unforgiving servant. The king acts mercifully, forgiving freely and unconditionally the debt of the servant. It is an incredible debt the king forgives -- ten thousand talents. (A talent is worth about $1,000.) By the end of the story, the servant with the huge debt lost his forgiveness because he refused to forgive a fellow slave who owed him only a hundred denarii. (A denarii is worth about twenty cents.)
This parable of the unforgiving servant speaks directly to us today as it affirms that it is difficult for us to forgive even trivial offenses. But it also shows us there are some boundaries. The servant who would not show mercy on a fellow servant is punished. He was to be tortured until he paid his entire debt.
Some of us here know that kind of torture. We live with it day after day because we have not been able to forgive someone who has offended us, or we have not been able to forgive ourselves for something we have done that we know is wrong. A parishioner asked her pastor when God would quit punishing her for her unfaithfulness to her marriage vows. This woman believed that all the difficulties she was having in life were God's punishments. The truth was that she was punishing herself for what she thought was an unforgivable sin. In other words, not to forgive means a life of guilt and pain. Even so, it is still difficult to forgive.
There are several reasons why it is so difficult to forgive. One is that we want justice. We agree with the sayings: "As one sows, so shall one reap," or "As you make your bed, so must you lie in it." There is a truth in those sayings, but we must keep in mind that forgiveness rarely means there are no consequences of the sin. If we steal something, we may have to serve time. If we are unfaithful to our spouse, we may lose our family. If we cheat, we may get an F or kicked off the team. Yet, even knowing that forgiveness does not do away with the consequences of sin, it can still be difficult to forgive. It is hard to let go of feelings of anger, resentment, and even hatred because the pain is so deep. Sometimes we even want revenge.
The well-known British scholar and author, C. S. Lewis, was deeply hurt by a teacher when he was a boy. The hurt was so deep that he had difficulty forgiving, and as a Christian, this troubled Lewis. He had tried over the years again and again to forgive this schoolmaster, but it didn't work. It was not many weeks before he died that Lewis wrote a friend telling him that finally he had at last forgiven the schoolmaster who had darkened his childhood.
Many of us can identify with Lewis' feelings. It may have been a teacher or a parent, a friend or a spouse who has hurt us so deeply that we can still feel the pain. For some the pain is so intense that it is simply easier to cut that person out of our lives than to forgive.
Or for some of us it is pride or embarrassment that will not allow us to forgive the person who has hurt us.
Then, too, it is more difficult for those who do not think they have done anything wrong to forgive another. But remember, to be human is to sin. There is not one of us who has not committed sins of omission. And sometimes it may be other people who encourage us to remain estranged. You may have heard someone say, "You surely are not going to forgive him after what he has done to you?" The person who says that may mean well because he or she is tired of seeing you being used and/or abused.
The hardest words we may ever say are, "I forgive you." However, it may be easier to do when we understand that forgiveness is not saying the sin never happened, or that everything is okay, or that we no longer feel the pain of the sin, because we do and we will feel the pain of it for years and years. And it does not mean that we will not remove ourselves from the situation, such as an abusive relationship. But it does mean letting go even if the other person does not ask for forgiveness and placing it in God's hands. It is you, with God's help taking the initiative, going to the person telling him/her what he/she has done that has hurt you and that you forgive. Before you can do this, you may have to ask God to give you the grace to forgive.
When Jesus says forgive seventy-seven times, it is not just for the sake of the other one but for you and me. Unwillingness to forgive hurts us more than the one who hurt us. The key verse in today's Gospel is: "Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?" That is the golden rule, but even more so. Do unto others as you would have God do unto you. It is like the petition we pray in the Lord's Prayer -- "Forgive us our trespasses (sin) as we forgive those who trespass (sin) against us." Are we praying, in that prayer, God to forgive us with the same love, grace, and totality that we forgive? I hope not. I do not think that is what either the petition in the Lord's Prayer or the verse from today's Gospel is saying. Rather it means we can have mercy, we are able to forgive others, when we claim God's forgiveness. If we can't forgive, it means our hearts are so filled with hate instead of love that there is no room for God's forgiveness.
To Forgive Is Healing
The goal of forgiveness is not to get over guilt but to restore a relationship with God and with our neighbor. Forgiveness is not passive resignation to a bad situation. We do not shrug our shoulders and say, "Well there's nothing else to do, I might as well forgive." There is little healing in that kind of forgiveness. Forgiveness, when it is the restoration of a relationship, is a positive, joyful activity. When we forgive we change from seeing ourselves as victims to seeing ourselves as victors. It allows us to move from weakness to strength, from inadequacy to self-affirmation. Forgiveness allows us to experience within our own lives the power and the presence of the indwelling Christ.
To be the church means we believe, as we confess in the concluding words of the Apostles' Creed, in "the communion of saints; the forgiveness of sins; the resurrection of the body; and the life everlasting." Forgiveness of sins is right up there with saints and life everlasting. Forgiveness of sins, through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, is the most concrete evidence of God's love for us. There is nothing more powerful than to be forgiven when you do not deserve it or expect it. And when we are able to forgive, it is a witness that we are the forgiven people of God. And when we reach out to heal brokenness through forgiveness, we are being faithful to our calling to be God's church.
One of the best modern-day examples of forgiveness that I can remember is what happened in South Africa after Nelson Mandela became president. Mandela had been imprisoned for 27 years. One would think he would come out a bitter man wanting to punish those who had taken away 27 years of his life. But it did not happen. There was no retribution, no revenge, no blood bath. Instead there was forgiveness and reconciliation.
Another example of forgiveness and reconciliation happened a few years ago when a group of 86 Lutheran youth and their advisors went on a servant event to Eastern Europe. The youth were going to build a playground for children in Poland. However, before they went to Poland, there was a home stay in Otterdorf Okrilla, a small town outside of Dresden, Germany. Now remember the Germans were our enemy during World War II. Since this part of Germany had been under communist control until the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989, they had only limited experience with the West and Americans.
Some road construction and detours caused the busses with the youth to get lost, and the group arrived quite late. When the busses finally arrived, they were welcomed as celebrities. The streets of this little town were lined with people waving and cheering. When they arrived at the church, there were balloons, banners, and tables spread with food and drinks. After eating they all went into the church for a worship service led by their youth.
The next day the Germans went with the Americans to Dresden to be tour hosts. Dresden was a city of many art treasures. And even though it was not a military site, it was bombed by the Allies during the war. There were still signs of the bombings in the midst of restoration. In Dresden, the group gathered in a church to hear the stories of some of the survivors of the fire bombings. The survivors were all old women now and their stories were moving as they described their families and where they were when the bombs fell.
After the stories had been told, a young German man, one of the hosts, got up and asked one of the American young men to come forward with him. In broken English he said that his parents never talked about the war and he did not learn much about it in school except he knew that the United States was the enemy. The years after the war they lived under communism. Now after listening to the old women talk and the visit of the youth from the United States, he realized that he needed to ask for forgiveness from the Americans for his countrymen and women as well as the part his parents and grandparents had played in the war.
The young man from the United States, who had been asked to come forward, said, "In Jesus Christ you are forgiven." Then he went on to say, "We also ask your forgiveness for our bombing of Dresden that killed thousands and thousands of innocent people and destroyed your beautiful city. Will you forgive us?"
There was not a dry eye in that church. Can you imagine the impact that had on the youth from both countries? They heard firsthand about the destruction of war and then saw the reconciling power of forgiveness years later that is possible in Jesus Christ as the two men hugged.
When forgiveness takes place, there is healing and it brings newness of life and opens new possibilities for the future. It gives hope where there was once hurt and despair and it brings joy where there was once anger and bitterness.
Conclusion
Forgiveness is a gift from God to be passed on to others. It is not earned because if it is earned, it is not forgiveness. When we pass on the gift of forgiveness that we ourselves have received, it is the most powerful witness we have to the reality of God's grace in our own lives. It costs us nothing except to give up our pain, our bitterness, and our hate. It cost Jesus a lot -- his life! This great gift is for us to receive and to give.
Must we forgive? Yes, if we want to live the new life that Christ offers now and be released from the prison of hatred, despair, and bitterness that comes when we are not able to forgive. However to forgive is not a legalistic requirement. Jesus is not trying to make a deal with us. The Good News is that Jesus forgives even our failure to forgive. He died for our sins, including our failure to forgive.
Is there someone you need to forgive in order to live the new life in Christ -- an unfaithful spouse, an overbearing parent, a friend who has stabbed you in the back, an employer who has taken advantage of you? Or do you need to be forgiven for something you have done? Either way you have come to the right place. Receive the love of God in the forgiveness of your sins and then go out with the power of God's love and restore a broken relationship. Amen.
