Wilbur, The Wakeful Wise Man
Drama
Thespian Theology
Advent, Christmas, Epiphany -- Cycle B
Thespian Theological Thoughts
When the homily/drama for The Epiphany -- Year A was finished, I wrote a note to myself: "Perhaps you should do a more traditional version for Year B." "Wilbur, The Wakeful Wise Man" was the result.
Maybe Year C, huh?
As to whether or not there was a fourth Wise Man, I cannot testify. As to whether the resurrected Jesus appeared to the Magi in their dream, I cannot testify. But do you know what? Nobody can testify to the contrary. So there!
Seriously, I pray that this silly scenario will help you to focus on Jesus, the little Palestinian baby in the smelly barn ... and King of kings, Lord of lords.
Cast
Narrator
Wilbur
Dilbert Dromedary
Isaiah the Prophet
Peter the Apostle
Props/Costumes
Wilbur -- night shirt, optional night cap
Isaiah -- Bible
Paul -- Bible
(Narrator is at the podium, stage left)
Narrator: The Gospel story for Epiphany is, of course, the time-honored tale of the Three Wise Men: "We Three Kings Of Orient Are," and all that gold and frankincense and myrrh, you know?
But here's something I bet you didn't know: There were actually four Wise Men! Our research department, after studying truckloads of ancient manuscripts, discovered that a fourth king was part of that caravan from the Orient. (Wilbur enters stage right) His name was Wilbur, and his story is fascinating and funny.
Wilbur: Oh, right! Here we go again. Make fun of poor ol' wakeful Wilbur!
Narrator: Now, Wilbur, that's not what we're doing here. We just want to tell your story.
Wilbur: Sure, just go ahead. Tell them all about Wilbur the insomniac, who never got credit for being one of the Wise Men because he always overslept and missed all the big events! Look, mate, insomnia is no picnic! (Yawns) So, if you're finished with your little celebrity roast, I think I'm gonna go try and catch some shut-eye. (Turns to exit stage right)
Narrator: Wait, Wilbur ... please! (Wilbur turns back) We want to hear from you because you did play an important role in the Epiphany story. Without you, things might have turned out differently, huh?
Wilbur: (Moves to center stage) We-e-e-l-l-l, now that you mention it ... Here's the way it was. I really was part of that Wise Men gang, you know. In high school, me an' Gaspar an' Melchior an' Balthasar, we were the Honor Roll guys: The Four Fast Fellows, they called us. Well, some of the jocks called us pencil-necked geeks, but we were very smart, if I do say so myself. We studied the stars and the ancient writings, and we developed a reputation as Wise Men. Hey, what can I say? We were good! One night, ol' Gaspar -- we used to call him "Gassy Gaspar," but that's another story -- ol' Gaspar comes running into my tent, all excited about this new star he saw in the sky. Well, to make a long story short, we all knew that this star would lead us to something pretty darned important, so we headed west.
Narrator: But how was it that you were never mentioned in the story of the Three Wise Men, Wilbur?
Wilbur: Well, that's where my insomnia comes in. All my life, I had trouble getting to sleep. I tried all kinds of sleeping potions and meditation techniques -- even tried acupuncture -- but nothing helped me. On the way to Bethlehem, I was miserable. I never got to sleep until sunrise, and I always overslept in the morning, so I missed all those press conferences. As far as all those historians knew, there were only three Wise Men, 'cuz poor ol' Wilbur was always asleep! And it didn't help that I had to ride on that wretched beast.
(Dilbert enters stage right, walking on all fours)
Dilbert: Oh, right, Wilbur. Go ahead and blame all your sins on me, the poor beast of burden!
Narrator: Who are you, may I ask?
Dilbert: You may. I am Dilbert Dromedary, the poor servant who had to carry Fatso here across the desert.
Wilbur: Dilbert the lazy dromedary, that's who you are, bub! If I didn't keep kicking him in the ribs, this wretched beast would fall asleep in the middle of the road.
Dilbert: You're just jealous, insomnia-boy!
Wilbur: Aaah, phooey on you-ey, lazy-bones! Listen, this guy was known throughout the caravan as the laziest critter God ever created. Dilbert, the Drowsy Dromedary, we called him. Hey, I even thought about writing a song and doing a TV-special about this bozo ... but Burl Ives got there first with that stupid reindeer!
Narrator: Hey, guys. We're wandering pretty far from the subject here. What happened when you got to Jerusalem?
Wilbur: Oh, you know the story. Herod, that sleaze-ball, tried to find out where we were going, 'cuz he was afraid of that little baby. Can you imagine that?
Narrator: Well, you did tell him that this Bethlehem baby would be a ruler to shepherd Israel, didn't you?
Wilbur: Yeah, but that was a joke.
Narrator: What do you mean?
Wilbur: I mean, who was this baby, anyway? His parents couldn't find any place except a smelly old stable for him to be born in ... and rumor has it that the old carpenter isn't even his real father, for-Pete's-sake! Personally, I think ol' Gassy Gaspar messed up when he said that star was leading us to something important.
Narrator: Well, that's interesting, Wilbur. I thought you knew who he was -- and is.
Wilbur: All I knew was that me an' my headline-grabbing buddies were in big trouble. This is where ol' Wilbur's insomnia saved the day. After we gave the baby our gifts (and by the way, I had a year's supply of Pampers for his mom, but nobody ever recorded that!) we pitched our tents and hit the hay for the night. And of course, I couldn't sleep. But finally, right around sunrise, I finally passed out. And I had the most vivid dream: An angel -- or something weird -- appeared, and he warned me not to go back to Jerusalem. So I told my mates about the dream, and we took the Beltway back home, to avoid Jerusalem and Herod the scum-bag. So that's my story.
Narrator: And you still don't know who this Bethlehem baby is?
Dilbert: He's clueless -- and always has been.
Wilbur: Hush, you! Go back to sleep. (To Narrator) He looked like any ol' Palestinian kid to me. Who was he?
(Isaiah enters stage left, reading from his Bible)
Isaiah: Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you. Nations shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn.
Wilbur: Say what? Who're you?
Isaiah: I am the Prophet Isaiah, and this is my song, to wake you up to the light of the truth, Wilbur.
(Paul enters stage right, reading from his Bible)
Paul: Sleeper, awake! Rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.
Wilbur: Now who's this?
Paul: I am the Apostle Paul, and I'm also trying to wake you up to the truth, Wilbur.
Wilbur: And what is the truth?
Isaiah and Paul: Jesus!
Wilbur: You mean that little Palestinian baby, lying there in that smelly old barn, is ... he is a God?
Paul: He is God, Wilbur. God in the flesh. God with us.
Wilbur: But how can that be?
Isaiah: Are you having trouble with God as a Palestinian baby, Wilbur?
Wilbur: Well, yes.
Isaiah: What about the prophecy of Micah? You used that to tell Herod where you were going, didn't you?
Wilbur: "But you, O Bethlehem, who are one of the little clans of Judah, from you shall come forth for me one who is to rule in Israel." But I thought Micah was just talking about a king for the Jews.
Isaiah: Read the rest of that prophecy, Wilbur. "... whose origin is from of old, from ancient days." Jesus is King of kings and Lord of lords, Wilbur. He is God!
Wilbur: Is he the one my lord Zoroaster pointed to?
Paul: Whoever points to God points to Jesus, Wilbur.
Wilbur: Hmmm, let me think about that one.
Isaiah: Think about this, Wilbur: Who warned you in your dream not to return to Herod?
Wilbur: I dunno ... some weird-lookin' guy, man! When he reached out his hand to me, there was a big bloody hole in his wrist.
Paul: God was giving you a glimpse of the future, Wilbur. Come with us, and let's read the book about Jesus. (Paul and Isaiah start leading Wilbur off stage right)
Wilbur: (To Dilbert) Come along, O beast of mine. Hmmmm ... whattaya know? That kid in the barn was God, they say!
Dilbert: If you stay awake, you might just learn somethin', Wilbur.
Wilbur: (Swats Dilbert on the backside) Look who's talkin' about staying awake! (Sings)
Dilbert the Drowsy Dromedary
Had a very lazy way!
And in his whole long lifetime,
Dilbert never earned his hay ...
Dilbert: Oh hush, Wilbur!
(All exit stage right)
When the homily/drama for The Epiphany -- Year A was finished, I wrote a note to myself: "Perhaps you should do a more traditional version for Year B." "Wilbur, The Wakeful Wise Man" was the result.
Maybe Year C, huh?
As to whether or not there was a fourth Wise Man, I cannot testify. As to whether the resurrected Jesus appeared to the Magi in their dream, I cannot testify. But do you know what? Nobody can testify to the contrary. So there!
Seriously, I pray that this silly scenario will help you to focus on Jesus, the little Palestinian baby in the smelly barn ... and King of kings, Lord of lords.
Cast
Narrator
Wilbur
Dilbert Dromedary
Isaiah the Prophet
Peter the Apostle
Props/Costumes
Wilbur -- night shirt, optional night cap
Isaiah -- Bible
Paul -- Bible
(Narrator is at the podium, stage left)
Narrator: The Gospel story for Epiphany is, of course, the time-honored tale of the Three Wise Men: "We Three Kings Of Orient Are," and all that gold and frankincense and myrrh, you know?
But here's something I bet you didn't know: There were actually four Wise Men! Our research department, after studying truckloads of ancient manuscripts, discovered that a fourth king was part of that caravan from the Orient. (Wilbur enters stage right) His name was Wilbur, and his story is fascinating and funny.
Wilbur: Oh, right! Here we go again. Make fun of poor ol' wakeful Wilbur!
Narrator: Now, Wilbur, that's not what we're doing here. We just want to tell your story.
Wilbur: Sure, just go ahead. Tell them all about Wilbur the insomniac, who never got credit for being one of the Wise Men because he always overslept and missed all the big events! Look, mate, insomnia is no picnic! (Yawns) So, if you're finished with your little celebrity roast, I think I'm gonna go try and catch some shut-eye. (Turns to exit stage right)
Narrator: Wait, Wilbur ... please! (Wilbur turns back) We want to hear from you because you did play an important role in the Epiphany story. Without you, things might have turned out differently, huh?
Wilbur: (Moves to center stage) We-e-e-l-l-l, now that you mention it ... Here's the way it was. I really was part of that Wise Men gang, you know. In high school, me an' Gaspar an' Melchior an' Balthasar, we were the Honor Roll guys: The Four Fast Fellows, they called us. Well, some of the jocks called us pencil-necked geeks, but we were very smart, if I do say so myself. We studied the stars and the ancient writings, and we developed a reputation as Wise Men. Hey, what can I say? We were good! One night, ol' Gaspar -- we used to call him "Gassy Gaspar," but that's another story -- ol' Gaspar comes running into my tent, all excited about this new star he saw in the sky. Well, to make a long story short, we all knew that this star would lead us to something pretty darned important, so we headed west.
Narrator: But how was it that you were never mentioned in the story of the Three Wise Men, Wilbur?
Wilbur: Well, that's where my insomnia comes in. All my life, I had trouble getting to sleep. I tried all kinds of sleeping potions and meditation techniques -- even tried acupuncture -- but nothing helped me. On the way to Bethlehem, I was miserable. I never got to sleep until sunrise, and I always overslept in the morning, so I missed all those press conferences. As far as all those historians knew, there were only three Wise Men, 'cuz poor ol' Wilbur was always asleep! And it didn't help that I had to ride on that wretched beast.
(Dilbert enters stage right, walking on all fours)
Dilbert: Oh, right, Wilbur. Go ahead and blame all your sins on me, the poor beast of burden!
Narrator: Who are you, may I ask?
Dilbert: You may. I am Dilbert Dromedary, the poor servant who had to carry Fatso here across the desert.
Wilbur: Dilbert the lazy dromedary, that's who you are, bub! If I didn't keep kicking him in the ribs, this wretched beast would fall asleep in the middle of the road.
Dilbert: You're just jealous, insomnia-boy!
Wilbur: Aaah, phooey on you-ey, lazy-bones! Listen, this guy was known throughout the caravan as the laziest critter God ever created. Dilbert, the Drowsy Dromedary, we called him. Hey, I even thought about writing a song and doing a TV-special about this bozo ... but Burl Ives got there first with that stupid reindeer!
Narrator: Hey, guys. We're wandering pretty far from the subject here. What happened when you got to Jerusalem?
Wilbur: Oh, you know the story. Herod, that sleaze-ball, tried to find out where we were going, 'cuz he was afraid of that little baby. Can you imagine that?
Narrator: Well, you did tell him that this Bethlehem baby would be a ruler to shepherd Israel, didn't you?
Wilbur: Yeah, but that was a joke.
Narrator: What do you mean?
Wilbur: I mean, who was this baby, anyway? His parents couldn't find any place except a smelly old stable for him to be born in ... and rumor has it that the old carpenter isn't even his real father, for-Pete's-sake! Personally, I think ol' Gassy Gaspar messed up when he said that star was leading us to something important.
Narrator: Well, that's interesting, Wilbur. I thought you knew who he was -- and is.
Wilbur: All I knew was that me an' my headline-grabbing buddies were in big trouble. This is where ol' Wilbur's insomnia saved the day. After we gave the baby our gifts (and by the way, I had a year's supply of Pampers for his mom, but nobody ever recorded that!) we pitched our tents and hit the hay for the night. And of course, I couldn't sleep. But finally, right around sunrise, I finally passed out. And I had the most vivid dream: An angel -- or something weird -- appeared, and he warned me not to go back to Jerusalem. So I told my mates about the dream, and we took the Beltway back home, to avoid Jerusalem and Herod the scum-bag. So that's my story.
Narrator: And you still don't know who this Bethlehem baby is?
Dilbert: He's clueless -- and always has been.
Wilbur: Hush, you! Go back to sleep. (To Narrator) He looked like any ol' Palestinian kid to me. Who was he?
(Isaiah enters stage left, reading from his Bible)
Isaiah: Arise, shine; for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you. Nations shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn.
Wilbur: Say what? Who're you?
Isaiah: I am the Prophet Isaiah, and this is my song, to wake you up to the light of the truth, Wilbur.
(Paul enters stage right, reading from his Bible)
Paul: Sleeper, awake! Rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.
Wilbur: Now who's this?
Paul: I am the Apostle Paul, and I'm also trying to wake you up to the truth, Wilbur.
Wilbur: And what is the truth?
Isaiah and Paul: Jesus!
Wilbur: You mean that little Palestinian baby, lying there in that smelly old barn, is ... he is a God?
Paul: He is God, Wilbur. God in the flesh. God with us.
Wilbur: But how can that be?
Isaiah: Are you having trouble with God as a Palestinian baby, Wilbur?
Wilbur: Well, yes.
Isaiah: What about the prophecy of Micah? You used that to tell Herod where you were going, didn't you?
Wilbur: "But you, O Bethlehem, who are one of the little clans of Judah, from you shall come forth for me one who is to rule in Israel." But I thought Micah was just talking about a king for the Jews.
Isaiah: Read the rest of that prophecy, Wilbur. "... whose origin is from of old, from ancient days." Jesus is King of kings and Lord of lords, Wilbur. He is God!
Wilbur: Is he the one my lord Zoroaster pointed to?
Paul: Whoever points to God points to Jesus, Wilbur.
Wilbur: Hmmm, let me think about that one.
Isaiah: Think about this, Wilbur: Who warned you in your dream not to return to Herod?
Wilbur: I dunno ... some weird-lookin' guy, man! When he reached out his hand to me, there was a big bloody hole in his wrist.
Paul: God was giving you a glimpse of the future, Wilbur. Come with us, and let's read the book about Jesus. (Paul and Isaiah start leading Wilbur off stage right)
Wilbur: (To Dilbert) Come along, O beast of mine. Hmmmm ... whattaya know? That kid in the barn was God, they say!
Dilbert: If you stay awake, you might just learn somethin', Wilbur.
Wilbur: (Swats Dilbert on the backside) Look who's talkin' about staying awake! (Sings)
Dilbert the Drowsy Dromedary
Had a very lazy way!
And in his whole long lifetime,
Dilbert never earned his hay ...
Dilbert: Oh hush, Wilbur!
(All exit stage right)
