What About Praying For Loved Ones?
Bible Study
Hope For Tomorrow
What Jesus Would Say Today
Object:
Jesus prayed for others ...
-- B. Harvie Branscomb
* * *
If being loved is your goal, you will fail to achieve it. The only way to be assured of being loved is to be a person worthy of love, and you cannot be a person worthy of love when your primary goal in life is to passively be loved.
-- Scott Peck
* * *
I shall be obliged if you will send Nora and the girls to church every Sunday for the next month to pray for the continued health and strength of the messrs. gilliam, reese, snider, campanella, robinson, hodges, furillo, podres, newcombe, and labine, collectively known as The Brooklyn Dodgers. If they lose this world series I shall Do Myself In and then where will you be?
-- Charlene Hanff in 84 Charing Cross Road
What About Praying For Loved Ones?
"At the same time, pray also for us, so that God will give us a good opportunity to preach his message...."
-- Colossians 4:3
Each morning when I awaken, I say a prayer for my loved ones, each by name. I often include other people, friends or acquaintances, who may be facing special difficulties at the time. Most of us who believe in prayer do this, I would guess. Saint Paul asked some of his friends to pray for him as he went on a dangerous journey (Colossians 4:3), indicating that he believed that other people's prayers could help him in his work. I frequently asked my congregation to pause for prayer to help someone, and on a few occasions I became convinced that those prayers made a significant difference. In spite of all of this, however, I see some logical reasons why intercessory prayers could seem to be futile.
Do I have a right to intrude in someone else's life uninvited? How can I know that what appears to me to be a tragedy or at least a great difficulty in another person's life is not, in fact, a situation which will eventually prove to have been a blessing? I certainly can look back upon my own life and see where this has been true for me. Do I pray with the expectation that I can somehow alter the course of events in another person's life? If we each have a personal destiny, as I suspect is the case, have I any right at all to try to affect that destiny, no matter how slightly?
* * *
I believe intercessory prayer, while it cannot change the physical world and will not result in any alteration of the course of nature, does put me in touch with the one I pray for and does sometimes make a difference in that other person's life by the sharing of inner resources.
* * *
What about God's plans? Supposing that someone I care about is facing difficulty, am I to assume that God isn't sure what to do until I make a suggestion? That is preposterous, yet there are times when I find myself asking God for a particular solution to someone else's dilemma, especially when I think healing is needed. Or should I assume that God is too busy to notice a need until I call it to his attention? What a silly thought that is. I once told a mother of six children that while I assumed she loved each of her children I doubted that she could feel quite the devotion to each that I felt toward my one and only child. She quickly set me straight about that. And God being God does, I am convinced, know about each of us and our needs. Jesus said that every sparrow is known to God (Luke 12:6). How much more true it is of you and me. God doesn't need any help from me.
Can I hope to alter some worldly event? I find that when one of my loved ones travels, I pray for God to keep her safe and bring her home unharmed. But shouldn't I assume that when a plane crashes, for example, nearly all those on board had some loved one praying the same for them? Can I really think God will correct the defect in the plane's engine, or correct the pilot's mistake because of my prayer?
Can I hope that God will be moved when I pray for some change in the course of nature if my prayer is totally selfless, seeking no benefit for myself? Leslie Weatherhead told of the time he and some church members arranged to take a group of children from very poor homes on a trip to the seaside, which none of them had ever seen. They had arranged a day away from school, had packed their lunches, and excitedly boarded the buses that would take them on their wonderful holiday. It immediately began to rain. The rain poured down all day as the children watched through steamy bus windows, rain slanting across a gray sky onto a drenched beach. Finally, an unused schoolroom was found in which they could play some boring games, eat their meals, then ride home from a disappointing day at the beach. Prayers for a break in the weather went unheeded, but the next morning Dr. Weatherhead reports the weather was sunny and beautiful as the children reported to school.
My point is not to persuade us to stop intercessory prayer. On the contrary, I believe in its power, but I want to confront all the logical arguments against it to clear the way to explain why I believe we should continue to pray for loved ones and for others.
Let me share with the reader something which happened to me a few years after I entered the ministry. I received a call from a funeral director telling me that an elderly man had unexpectedly died and his wife had no church affiliation. Would I, he asked, be willing to perform the funeral service for the wife's sake? Of course I agreed and, learning that she was then at the funeral home, I went there to meet her. When I arrived I found an elderly lady beside herself with grief. She and her husband had been very close in a long life of happy marriage, and my talk with her was interrupted several times as she began to sob. A relative was there who was as unsuccessful as I felt in trying to console the poor woman. I agreed to be there the next afternoon for the final arrangements, then left to drive home.
That evening, I found myself unable to put the saddened lady out of my mind. She seemed not to have much family, had been so close to the man she loved, and now was devastated by her loss. As I reviewed our talk in my mind, I began to pray for the woman. As I prayed, something strange seemed to happen to me. A surge of grief swept over me, much as though someone I had known and loved had died, though I had never met the couple prior to that day. For some time that evening I was distressed at the emotions I was feeling, and the more I prayed for her, the more grief I felt. After a few minutes my feelings of grief subsided. By habit, I looked at my watch and saw that it was just a few minutes before nine in the evening.
The next day I went to the funeral home and once more spoke with the bereaved wife. This time, however, she seemed quite calm and peaceful. I asked her how she was doing and she said something like this to me: "Last night I began to feel better. Of course I'm heartbroken at the loss of my dear husband, but I began to realize that I must and can go on with what's left of my life." I couldn't resist -- I asked her if she could remember at what time she had begun to feel this way. She didn't know exactly, but she thought it must have been about nine while she was talking with the distant relative who had come to stay with her.
What happened? Was the relative a calming influence? Did God, independently of any part I might have played, reassure her? Had her terrible feelings of grief played out for the time, leaving her simply exhausted? Of course any of these explanations may have been correct. But I have another explanation, one which felt so powerful to me at the time that to this day I believe it to be the right one. I am convinced that God shifted part of that woman's grief onto me, thereby lightening the painful load for her just long enough for her to realize her grief wouldn't last forever. Briefly, in some spiritual way, we had been linked together in a shared oneness. She had realized that there would be a tomorrow, and the same strength which had made her a good wife would see her through the days ahead.
Surely God would not leave each of us isolated from each other spiritually after joining us together in physical and emotional ways. Jesus taught us in the Lord's Prayer to say "Our Father ... give us this day ... as we forgive" (Matthew 5:9f). "Our," "us," "we." I'm convinced that in profound ways we can only sense through prayer, we are bound together, in this life and the next, to those we love and care about. Somehow, in ways I only dimly sense, I believe I am joined to my dear ones through God and that such a linkage occurs with friends and others in those moments when I pray for them. I'm also convinced this bond reaches beyond death.
No, I don't believe God will alter events which are inherent in nature. Those schoolchildren probably soon forgot their disappointing day at the beach, while the rain undoubtedly played a part in the provision of food for their bodies and nurtured the growing things which make their land so beautiful. God will not play favorites in matters of nature. Nor will God interfere with the working of his physical world. As I write there have been several terrible air crashes in the past months leading to the loss of many lives and the resulting widespread grief which followed. I have no doubt that God shares our pain at such times. But he has created an intelligent, orderly universe designed to carry out his divine purpose, and the natural laws of that universe must be honored. I will pray for the safety of my loved ones, but I do so understanding the limits which God has placed on his ability to answer my prayers.
* * *
"This is one of the most profound and mysterious facts in human life -- the consciousness that, being alone, we are not alone."
-- Harry Emerson Fosdick, former pastor of Riverside Church in New York
* * *
There is another dimension to this. I'm convinced that when I make contact with someone through prayer (this contact, I believe, passing through God) something can take place which, while I'm not quite comfortable with the phrase "mental telepathy," may be similar to what those words mean. I can't be too specific here because I'm not quite sure what I mean. And yet, from time to time, I feel the "linkage" I mentioned earlier, an intimate closeness as though what I know may in some way influence someone I love. If someone argues this point with me I admit I have nothing with which to back my belief up save my own conviction, a deep sense that this is true. But like all beliefs it influences me and is another reason why I pray for loved ones and people in need each day. Call it blind faith, but I believe intercessory prayer, while it cannot change the physical world and will not result in any alteration of the course of nature, does put me in touch with the one I pray for and does sometimes make a difference in that other person's life by the sharing of inner resources.
There is still another reason for intercessory prayer. It blesses us when we pray, just as it does the one or ones for whom we pray. We must, of course, be careful not to let this become a selfish motive for our prayers, but to pray for others takes our minds off ourselves. The habit of such prayer keeps us close to those for whom we pray and helps us become more mature in our prayer life. And wonder of wonders, if you sincerely pray for someone you don't like or someone who has done you an injury you will discover a new element entering into that relationship. Such prayer can perform the miracle of replacing dislike or even hatred with love. And then it is "twice blest," it blesses you both.
Several years ago, a friend and former classmate came to discuss with me a serious problem in his life. After many years of employment with the company for which he worked, the man was fired. No good reason was given and it appeared that jealousy on the part of his immediate superior was the real reason. For several weeks my friend had tried to accept the dismissal, but being in late middle-age, he believed he had no chance to find another comparable position. He frankly admitted his bitterness and said he had difficulty functioning in his family and social relationships because of his anger at the man who had fired him.
I asked my friend to try something: "Go home and pray for that man. Don't pray that he 'sees the light' or that he 'gets what's coming to him,' for God will never answer that kind of prayer." I said to the man, "Pray for that man's happiness. Pray for God to help you eliminate your own bitterness and to bless the other man." I told him Jesus said, "Pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44). I then asked the man to try very hard to pray that way sincerely.
Some years passed. My friend moved to another city and for a long time I heard nothing further of his situation. Then one day he showed up at church and told me what had happened. At first, he had found it very difficult to pray as I had suggested. His bitterness boiled up and spoiled his prayer time and again. But something began to change. His own anger began to subside and he became more optimistic about employment possibilities. The day came when he no longer felt anger toward the other man. He found himself genuinely able to pray for that other man's well-being. He found peace in his own heart. And one day he "found a better job with a higher salary."
What would Jesus say? "Pray for those whom you love, pray for those who are presently a negative in your life, pray for those in need, pray for loved ones who have passed away, and the person for whom you sincerely and unselfishly pray will be blessed, and so will you."
Questions For Discussion
1. Is there someone toward whom you feel anger or dislike? Will you pray for that person?
2. What do you think happens when you pray for someone you love?
3. Do you feel an interrelationship with some people in which you almost know what they're thinking and feeling?
4. How do you think God feels toward us when we remain angry toward someone who has hurt us?
5. Have you ever had the feeling someone or others were praying for you?
-- B. Harvie Branscomb
* * *
If being loved is your goal, you will fail to achieve it. The only way to be assured of being loved is to be a person worthy of love, and you cannot be a person worthy of love when your primary goal in life is to passively be loved.
-- Scott Peck
* * *
I shall be obliged if you will send Nora and the girls to church every Sunday for the next month to pray for the continued health and strength of the messrs. gilliam, reese, snider, campanella, robinson, hodges, furillo, podres, newcombe, and labine, collectively known as The Brooklyn Dodgers. If they lose this world series I shall Do Myself In and then where will you be?
-- Charlene Hanff in 84 Charing Cross Road
What About Praying For Loved Ones?
"At the same time, pray also for us, so that God will give us a good opportunity to preach his message...."
-- Colossians 4:3
Each morning when I awaken, I say a prayer for my loved ones, each by name. I often include other people, friends or acquaintances, who may be facing special difficulties at the time. Most of us who believe in prayer do this, I would guess. Saint Paul asked some of his friends to pray for him as he went on a dangerous journey (Colossians 4:3), indicating that he believed that other people's prayers could help him in his work. I frequently asked my congregation to pause for prayer to help someone, and on a few occasions I became convinced that those prayers made a significant difference. In spite of all of this, however, I see some logical reasons why intercessory prayers could seem to be futile.
Do I have a right to intrude in someone else's life uninvited? How can I know that what appears to me to be a tragedy or at least a great difficulty in another person's life is not, in fact, a situation which will eventually prove to have been a blessing? I certainly can look back upon my own life and see where this has been true for me. Do I pray with the expectation that I can somehow alter the course of events in another person's life? If we each have a personal destiny, as I suspect is the case, have I any right at all to try to affect that destiny, no matter how slightly?
* * *
I believe intercessory prayer, while it cannot change the physical world and will not result in any alteration of the course of nature, does put me in touch with the one I pray for and does sometimes make a difference in that other person's life by the sharing of inner resources.
* * *
What about God's plans? Supposing that someone I care about is facing difficulty, am I to assume that God isn't sure what to do until I make a suggestion? That is preposterous, yet there are times when I find myself asking God for a particular solution to someone else's dilemma, especially when I think healing is needed. Or should I assume that God is too busy to notice a need until I call it to his attention? What a silly thought that is. I once told a mother of six children that while I assumed she loved each of her children I doubted that she could feel quite the devotion to each that I felt toward my one and only child. She quickly set me straight about that. And God being God does, I am convinced, know about each of us and our needs. Jesus said that every sparrow is known to God (Luke 12:6). How much more true it is of you and me. God doesn't need any help from me.
Can I hope to alter some worldly event? I find that when one of my loved ones travels, I pray for God to keep her safe and bring her home unharmed. But shouldn't I assume that when a plane crashes, for example, nearly all those on board had some loved one praying the same for them? Can I really think God will correct the defect in the plane's engine, or correct the pilot's mistake because of my prayer?
Can I hope that God will be moved when I pray for some change in the course of nature if my prayer is totally selfless, seeking no benefit for myself? Leslie Weatherhead told of the time he and some church members arranged to take a group of children from very poor homes on a trip to the seaside, which none of them had ever seen. They had arranged a day away from school, had packed their lunches, and excitedly boarded the buses that would take them on their wonderful holiday. It immediately began to rain. The rain poured down all day as the children watched through steamy bus windows, rain slanting across a gray sky onto a drenched beach. Finally, an unused schoolroom was found in which they could play some boring games, eat their meals, then ride home from a disappointing day at the beach. Prayers for a break in the weather went unheeded, but the next morning Dr. Weatherhead reports the weather was sunny and beautiful as the children reported to school.
My point is not to persuade us to stop intercessory prayer. On the contrary, I believe in its power, but I want to confront all the logical arguments against it to clear the way to explain why I believe we should continue to pray for loved ones and for others.
Let me share with the reader something which happened to me a few years after I entered the ministry. I received a call from a funeral director telling me that an elderly man had unexpectedly died and his wife had no church affiliation. Would I, he asked, be willing to perform the funeral service for the wife's sake? Of course I agreed and, learning that she was then at the funeral home, I went there to meet her. When I arrived I found an elderly lady beside herself with grief. She and her husband had been very close in a long life of happy marriage, and my talk with her was interrupted several times as she began to sob. A relative was there who was as unsuccessful as I felt in trying to console the poor woman. I agreed to be there the next afternoon for the final arrangements, then left to drive home.
That evening, I found myself unable to put the saddened lady out of my mind. She seemed not to have much family, had been so close to the man she loved, and now was devastated by her loss. As I reviewed our talk in my mind, I began to pray for the woman. As I prayed, something strange seemed to happen to me. A surge of grief swept over me, much as though someone I had known and loved had died, though I had never met the couple prior to that day. For some time that evening I was distressed at the emotions I was feeling, and the more I prayed for her, the more grief I felt. After a few minutes my feelings of grief subsided. By habit, I looked at my watch and saw that it was just a few minutes before nine in the evening.
The next day I went to the funeral home and once more spoke with the bereaved wife. This time, however, she seemed quite calm and peaceful. I asked her how she was doing and she said something like this to me: "Last night I began to feel better. Of course I'm heartbroken at the loss of my dear husband, but I began to realize that I must and can go on with what's left of my life." I couldn't resist -- I asked her if she could remember at what time she had begun to feel this way. She didn't know exactly, but she thought it must have been about nine while she was talking with the distant relative who had come to stay with her.
What happened? Was the relative a calming influence? Did God, independently of any part I might have played, reassure her? Had her terrible feelings of grief played out for the time, leaving her simply exhausted? Of course any of these explanations may have been correct. But I have another explanation, one which felt so powerful to me at the time that to this day I believe it to be the right one. I am convinced that God shifted part of that woman's grief onto me, thereby lightening the painful load for her just long enough for her to realize her grief wouldn't last forever. Briefly, in some spiritual way, we had been linked together in a shared oneness. She had realized that there would be a tomorrow, and the same strength which had made her a good wife would see her through the days ahead.
Surely God would not leave each of us isolated from each other spiritually after joining us together in physical and emotional ways. Jesus taught us in the Lord's Prayer to say "Our Father ... give us this day ... as we forgive" (Matthew 5:9f). "Our," "us," "we." I'm convinced that in profound ways we can only sense through prayer, we are bound together, in this life and the next, to those we love and care about. Somehow, in ways I only dimly sense, I believe I am joined to my dear ones through God and that such a linkage occurs with friends and others in those moments when I pray for them. I'm also convinced this bond reaches beyond death.
No, I don't believe God will alter events which are inherent in nature. Those schoolchildren probably soon forgot their disappointing day at the beach, while the rain undoubtedly played a part in the provision of food for their bodies and nurtured the growing things which make their land so beautiful. God will not play favorites in matters of nature. Nor will God interfere with the working of his physical world. As I write there have been several terrible air crashes in the past months leading to the loss of many lives and the resulting widespread grief which followed. I have no doubt that God shares our pain at such times. But he has created an intelligent, orderly universe designed to carry out his divine purpose, and the natural laws of that universe must be honored. I will pray for the safety of my loved ones, but I do so understanding the limits which God has placed on his ability to answer my prayers.
* * *
"This is one of the most profound and mysterious facts in human life -- the consciousness that, being alone, we are not alone."
-- Harry Emerson Fosdick, former pastor of Riverside Church in New York
* * *
There is another dimension to this. I'm convinced that when I make contact with someone through prayer (this contact, I believe, passing through God) something can take place which, while I'm not quite comfortable with the phrase "mental telepathy," may be similar to what those words mean. I can't be too specific here because I'm not quite sure what I mean. And yet, from time to time, I feel the "linkage" I mentioned earlier, an intimate closeness as though what I know may in some way influence someone I love. If someone argues this point with me I admit I have nothing with which to back my belief up save my own conviction, a deep sense that this is true. But like all beliefs it influences me and is another reason why I pray for loved ones and people in need each day. Call it blind faith, but I believe intercessory prayer, while it cannot change the physical world and will not result in any alteration of the course of nature, does put me in touch with the one I pray for and does sometimes make a difference in that other person's life by the sharing of inner resources.
There is still another reason for intercessory prayer. It blesses us when we pray, just as it does the one or ones for whom we pray. We must, of course, be careful not to let this become a selfish motive for our prayers, but to pray for others takes our minds off ourselves. The habit of such prayer keeps us close to those for whom we pray and helps us become more mature in our prayer life. And wonder of wonders, if you sincerely pray for someone you don't like or someone who has done you an injury you will discover a new element entering into that relationship. Such prayer can perform the miracle of replacing dislike or even hatred with love. And then it is "twice blest," it blesses you both.
Several years ago, a friend and former classmate came to discuss with me a serious problem in his life. After many years of employment with the company for which he worked, the man was fired. No good reason was given and it appeared that jealousy on the part of his immediate superior was the real reason. For several weeks my friend had tried to accept the dismissal, but being in late middle-age, he believed he had no chance to find another comparable position. He frankly admitted his bitterness and said he had difficulty functioning in his family and social relationships because of his anger at the man who had fired him.
I asked my friend to try something: "Go home and pray for that man. Don't pray that he 'sees the light' or that he 'gets what's coming to him,' for God will never answer that kind of prayer." I said to the man, "Pray for that man's happiness. Pray for God to help you eliminate your own bitterness and to bless the other man." I told him Jesus said, "Pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44). I then asked the man to try very hard to pray that way sincerely.
Some years passed. My friend moved to another city and for a long time I heard nothing further of his situation. Then one day he showed up at church and told me what had happened. At first, he had found it very difficult to pray as I had suggested. His bitterness boiled up and spoiled his prayer time and again. But something began to change. His own anger began to subside and he became more optimistic about employment possibilities. The day came when he no longer felt anger toward the other man. He found himself genuinely able to pray for that other man's well-being. He found peace in his own heart. And one day he "found a better job with a higher salary."
What would Jesus say? "Pray for those whom you love, pray for those who are presently a negative in your life, pray for those in need, pray for loved ones who have passed away, and the person for whom you sincerely and unselfishly pray will be blessed, and so will you."
Questions For Discussion
1. Is there someone toward whom you feel anger or dislike? Will you pray for that person?
2. What do you think happens when you pray for someone you love?
3. Do you feel an interrelationship with some people in which you almost know what they're thinking and feeling?
4. How do you think God feels toward us when we remain angry toward someone who has hurt us?
5. Have you ever had the feeling someone or others were praying for you?
