Finding Support
Sermon
Best Funeral Meditations
for a young mother who fought cancer for six years
Elizabeth E. Conroy
I don't think that any of us are ever truly ready to say good--bye to a loved one. No matter how it happens, suddenly as the result of a car accident, or, as it was for Diane, slowly as a result of an illness, we wish we could have held onto our loved one just a little bit longer. Even when we see death as a friend who brings an end to pain and suffering, there is still something in us that wishes it had all been a bad dream - that our loved one had never taken ill and that life could go back to normal. Ron, Amy, and Marty, you will probably understand what I mean when I say that it is one of life's ironies that even as we rejoice that Diane is now free of pain and cancer and is enjoying eternal life we also long to have her healthy and well, with all her energy, back in this life. Our longing leaves us tired - aching inside from our grief.
Ron, I know from talking with Diane that there was so much life left that she wanted to experience with you. Diane wanted to keep on enjoying that special closeness that you rediscovered at the Marriage Encounter Weekend you were part of this year. Amy and Marty, your mom wanted to see graduations and celebrate at weddings and cuddle any future grandchildren. You have a special family - you enjoy a closeness that allows you to keep on loving each other even when you don't always like what the other person is doing. Diane didn't want to die - didn't want to be seen as giving up - didn't want to leave this life because she had so much living that she still wanted to do. She wanted more Christmas dinners at her parents with all her family, wanted more nights of coffee and talking with her friends, more competitions and chorus rehearsals, wanted to spend more time in her garden. Diane wasn't ready to give up on life but she understood, even as she wondered why she couldn't beat the cancer, that it would soon be her time to die.
I believe that Diane's understanding of her own death is expressed very well in today's Old Testament Lesson from Ecclesi--astes. As the lesson points out there is a time for everything. There is a time to laugh and a time to cry, a time to sow and a time to reap, a time to build up and a time to tear down, and there is a time to be born and a time to die. That is the cycle of life. Ron, Amy, and Marty, you know that cycle for yourselves. You saw it as you watched Diane at work in her garden. In God's creation there is a time for everything. We are given the gift of human life by God and at the end of this life there is yet another gift from God - the gift of eternal life.
In the Gospel Lesson from John we hear Jesus' promise that he will prepare an eternal home for us. In Saint Paul's words from Romans we hear that if we have faith in Jesus Christ, if we have faith in the one who died on the cross so that our sins could be forgiven, then we also will enjoy eternal life with him. When Diane first asked me, over two years ago, if I would conduct her funeral I asked her if she wanted a Christian Service or a Memorial Service. For a moment, she looked surprised by my question, and then she said, "A Christian funeral. I believe in all of that even if I don't always go to church or don't always talk about it." I believe that because Diane had faith in our Lord Jesus Christ that she is right now enjoying that gift of eternal life, and if there really is such a thing as a barbershop chorus, then she's already passed the auditions and is singing her heart out.
Diane also knew and appreciated the beauty of God's creation. She knew what the psalmist meant when he said, "I will lift my eyes to the hills." Diane loved the earth, especially her garden. Diane eagerly awaited the first robins in the spring and liked watching the Canada geese. Maybe she liked to hear their honking as they flew overhead, and maybe she admired their symmetry as they flew in their "V" formation.
Over the years, one of the poems Diane and I discussed together was written about Canada geese. This poem pointed out that Canada geese instinctively know that they can fly farther and with less effort by flying together, in formation, than they can if they fly individually. They know that they can get there more easily and faster if they fly in formation, and so they do it. They've learned that one goose on its own meets more resistance and tires too quickly. Geese have learned that they need encouragement from behind to strengthen them for what lies ahead. They have also learned that when one is hurting, it needs support, not just for a limited time but until that goose dies or until it is well enough to fly.
I know it can be dangerous to make too many comparisons between how the geese relate to each other and how we live, but I'm going to anyway because I am awed at all the geese have to teach us about dealing with our grief and living life fully. Each of us is here today because we have been touched, in some way, by Diane's death. We share something in common. We know what it means to experience loss. We know what it feels like to hurt inside. Each of us deals with our grief in our own way. There is no one right way to deal with the death of a loved one. There is no time limit placed on how long we grieve. Coming to terms is a solitary, personal experience but it need not be a journey we make alone. That's where the geese come in.
Think of geese. Each goose has to flap its wings for itself, but instinctively they knew that if they flew in formation, they'd fly farther, faster. We have to do our own grieving, but our grieving can be made easier if we take advantage of the people and the resources around us.
No matter how hard we try to cope on our own, there will be times we need to talk to others. There will be times when we need to know that someone else understands what we're going through - times when we need the encouragement of the voice, honking behind us, reminding us that what we're feeling is okay, telling us that we are loved, encouraging us so that we can deal with our grief. Ron, you and your family will be able to discover that kind of support amongst your family and friends. You will find that kind of support, should you choose to do so, with a church family, through one of the many bereavement groups which meet on a regular basis within our communities, through Diane's family and friends. You have to do your own grieving, but you can be helped through this process by the choices you make along the way.
There's yet another lesson to be learned from the geese. When a goose is hurting, it falls out until it is able to fly again. There is no time limit on how long it needs to heal. It simply takes all the time necessary. It is so easy for us to say to ourselves, "Well, that's silly. I should be over this by now." Be good to yourself. Don't deny your grief. Say, "This is how I'm feeling right now and that's okay." Allow yourself to grieve and enable yourself to heal.
If you are one of the geese that stays back to help and protect during the healing process, then the geese also have a message for you. Your support isn't for one week, or even one month. Your support is needed until the healing is complete - however long that takes. You are needed to help your friend or relative bear the burden they are carrying.
One of the many cards Diane received and saved read, "Have faith, God watches over you, He has you in his care. Have hope, for He is always near to hear your every prayer. Have trust that always, come what may, He'll help to see you through." Ron, Marty, and Amy, I pray that you and all of Diane's family and friends will be able to share in the same faith, hope, and trust in God that Diane held, so that you too may one day enjoy eternal life. May God's healing presence and peace carry you through the difficult days to come. Amen.
Ordained in 1989, Elizabeth E. Conroy is the pastor of Trinity Lutheran Church, Walkerton, Ontario.
Elizabeth E. Conroy
I don't think that any of us are ever truly ready to say good--bye to a loved one. No matter how it happens, suddenly as the result of a car accident, or, as it was for Diane, slowly as a result of an illness, we wish we could have held onto our loved one just a little bit longer. Even when we see death as a friend who brings an end to pain and suffering, there is still something in us that wishes it had all been a bad dream - that our loved one had never taken ill and that life could go back to normal. Ron, Amy, and Marty, you will probably understand what I mean when I say that it is one of life's ironies that even as we rejoice that Diane is now free of pain and cancer and is enjoying eternal life we also long to have her healthy and well, with all her energy, back in this life. Our longing leaves us tired - aching inside from our grief.
Ron, I know from talking with Diane that there was so much life left that she wanted to experience with you. Diane wanted to keep on enjoying that special closeness that you rediscovered at the Marriage Encounter Weekend you were part of this year. Amy and Marty, your mom wanted to see graduations and celebrate at weddings and cuddle any future grandchildren. You have a special family - you enjoy a closeness that allows you to keep on loving each other even when you don't always like what the other person is doing. Diane didn't want to die - didn't want to be seen as giving up - didn't want to leave this life because she had so much living that she still wanted to do. She wanted more Christmas dinners at her parents with all her family, wanted more nights of coffee and talking with her friends, more competitions and chorus rehearsals, wanted to spend more time in her garden. Diane wasn't ready to give up on life but she understood, even as she wondered why she couldn't beat the cancer, that it would soon be her time to die.
I believe that Diane's understanding of her own death is expressed very well in today's Old Testament Lesson from Ecclesi--astes. As the lesson points out there is a time for everything. There is a time to laugh and a time to cry, a time to sow and a time to reap, a time to build up and a time to tear down, and there is a time to be born and a time to die. That is the cycle of life. Ron, Amy, and Marty, you know that cycle for yourselves. You saw it as you watched Diane at work in her garden. In God's creation there is a time for everything. We are given the gift of human life by God and at the end of this life there is yet another gift from God - the gift of eternal life.
In the Gospel Lesson from John we hear Jesus' promise that he will prepare an eternal home for us. In Saint Paul's words from Romans we hear that if we have faith in Jesus Christ, if we have faith in the one who died on the cross so that our sins could be forgiven, then we also will enjoy eternal life with him. When Diane first asked me, over two years ago, if I would conduct her funeral I asked her if she wanted a Christian Service or a Memorial Service. For a moment, she looked surprised by my question, and then she said, "A Christian funeral. I believe in all of that even if I don't always go to church or don't always talk about it." I believe that because Diane had faith in our Lord Jesus Christ that she is right now enjoying that gift of eternal life, and if there really is such a thing as a barbershop chorus, then she's already passed the auditions and is singing her heart out.
Diane also knew and appreciated the beauty of God's creation. She knew what the psalmist meant when he said, "I will lift my eyes to the hills." Diane loved the earth, especially her garden. Diane eagerly awaited the first robins in the spring and liked watching the Canada geese. Maybe she liked to hear their honking as they flew overhead, and maybe she admired their symmetry as they flew in their "V" formation.
Over the years, one of the poems Diane and I discussed together was written about Canada geese. This poem pointed out that Canada geese instinctively know that they can fly farther and with less effort by flying together, in formation, than they can if they fly individually. They know that they can get there more easily and faster if they fly in formation, and so they do it. They've learned that one goose on its own meets more resistance and tires too quickly. Geese have learned that they need encouragement from behind to strengthen them for what lies ahead. They have also learned that when one is hurting, it needs support, not just for a limited time but until that goose dies or until it is well enough to fly.
I know it can be dangerous to make too many comparisons between how the geese relate to each other and how we live, but I'm going to anyway because I am awed at all the geese have to teach us about dealing with our grief and living life fully. Each of us is here today because we have been touched, in some way, by Diane's death. We share something in common. We know what it means to experience loss. We know what it feels like to hurt inside. Each of us deals with our grief in our own way. There is no one right way to deal with the death of a loved one. There is no time limit placed on how long we grieve. Coming to terms is a solitary, personal experience but it need not be a journey we make alone. That's where the geese come in.
Think of geese. Each goose has to flap its wings for itself, but instinctively they knew that if they flew in formation, they'd fly farther, faster. We have to do our own grieving, but our grieving can be made easier if we take advantage of the people and the resources around us.
No matter how hard we try to cope on our own, there will be times we need to talk to others. There will be times when we need to know that someone else understands what we're going through - times when we need the encouragement of the voice, honking behind us, reminding us that what we're feeling is okay, telling us that we are loved, encouraging us so that we can deal with our grief. Ron, you and your family will be able to discover that kind of support amongst your family and friends. You will find that kind of support, should you choose to do so, with a church family, through one of the many bereavement groups which meet on a regular basis within our communities, through Diane's family and friends. You have to do your own grieving, but you can be helped through this process by the choices you make along the way.
There's yet another lesson to be learned from the geese. When a goose is hurting, it falls out until it is able to fly again. There is no time limit on how long it needs to heal. It simply takes all the time necessary. It is so easy for us to say to ourselves, "Well, that's silly. I should be over this by now." Be good to yourself. Don't deny your grief. Say, "This is how I'm feeling right now and that's okay." Allow yourself to grieve and enable yourself to heal.
If you are one of the geese that stays back to help and protect during the healing process, then the geese also have a message for you. Your support isn't for one week, or even one month. Your support is needed until the healing is complete - however long that takes. You are needed to help your friend or relative bear the burden they are carrying.
One of the many cards Diane received and saved read, "Have faith, God watches over you, He has you in his care. Have hope, for He is always near to hear your every prayer. Have trust that always, come what may, He'll help to see you through." Ron, Marty, and Amy, I pray that you and all of Diane's family and friends will be able to share in the same faith, hope, and trust in God that Diane held, so that you too may one day enjoy eternal life. May God's healing presence and peace carry you through the difficult days to come. Amen.
Ordained in 1989, Elizabeth E. Conroy is the pastor of Trinity Lutheran Church, Walkerton, Ontario.
