Billy Belief And Donald Doubt
Drama
Thespian Theology
Lent/Easter
Thespian Theological Thoughts
Pastors, in my humble opinion, have the nastiest job in all of Christendom. Underpaid and overworked, they are often unappreciated as well. But most pastors I have met like the Rev'rend Billy Belief, wouldn't trade their jobs for anything.
Why is that, I wonder?
Maybe it's because they have "come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and through believing ... have life in his name" (John 20:31).
Don't doubt, Donald ... only believe!
Cast
Narrator
Billy Belief
Elder Elwood
Donald Doubt
Props/Costumes
Elwood --Êoffering plate
(Narrator is at podium, stage left)
Narrator: In the letter we read today, John the beloved disciple asks an interesting rhetorical question: Who is it that conquers the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? We'd love to think that believers are conquerors, wouldn't we? But sometimes, it just seems that it ain't necessarily so. (Billy Belief enters stage right)
For example, consider my man Billy Belief here. Billy is the pastor of a small church in the small town of FearoftheLord, Florida. Billy and his tiny congregation are faithful folks -- but things just don't seem to be working out for them.
(Elder Elwood enters stage left; carrying an offering plate)
Elwood: Oh, Rev'rend Billy, I'm glad I found you. Look at this pitiful offering we collected today! If this keeps up, we're not going to be able to pay the mortgage, much less heat the building.
Billy: Now, now, Elder Elwood: We must trust that God will provide.
(Donald Doubt enters stage right)
Donald: Yeah, right: Trust that God will provide. That's a bunch of baloney, Billy, and you know it!
Elwood: My goodness! Who is this uncouth person, Rev'rend Billy?
Billy: Elder Elwood, this is my boyhood buddy, Donald Doubt. Donald, meet Elder Elwood.
Donald: (Shakes his hand perfunctorily) Please-ta-meet-cha. Listen, Billy, I don't have much time here. Are you gonna give up this God-stuff and come to work for me, or not?
Billy: I'm afraid not, Donald. The Lord needs me here, and I trust that he will provide for me.
Donald: I doubt it!
Billy: Don't doubt, Donald ... only believe!
Donald: Billy, I believe that you're an idiot to turn down an opportunity to get in on the ground floor of Donald Doubt's Dazzling Diner. With your culinary skills and my business sense, we can make a killing! If you stay in this godforsaken little church, you and your family are gonna starve! (Exits stage right)
Elwood: Oh, Rev'rend Billy, whatever is gonna become of us?
Billy: (Puts his arm around Elwood) Now, Elwood. Let's stop worrying and start praying, okay? (Exits with Elwood stage left)
Narrator: Well, here's the good news: The Lord pulled Billy and his church out of their financial crisis. But the bad news is: The way out involved re-mortgaging the church building, and the little congregation had to continue barely surviving from one Sunday to the next. And Billy had to take a cut in salary.
(Billy and Elwood enter stage left)
Elwood: Rev'rend Billy, I just don't know what's gonna become of us! This congregation is so divided I don't think we'll ever come together again.
Billy: There's a lot of gossip and rumor going around, Elwood, and we've got to put a stop to it! I'm going to call the whole congregation together, and --
Elwood: Beggin' your pardon, Rev'rend Billy, but I don't see how you're gonna manage that!
Billy: What do you mean, Elwood?
(Donald enters stage right; he remains upstage, listening to Elwood)
Elwood: Wellsir, everybody's so mad at each other, they won't even set foot in the same room! The Ladies' Guild is mad at the Property Committee; the Property Committee's mad at the Worship Team; the Worship Team's mad at the choir ... and the choir -- which considers itself an autonomous body unto itself -- is mad at everybody!
Donald: Billy, Billy, Billy! When are you gonna see the light, man? These morons aren't worth the hassle! C'mon, bro' ... I still have a place for you at Donald Doubt's Dazzling Diner.
Billy: No, Donald. Thank you, but my place is here in this church family. With God's help, I believe that we can come together in love.
Donald: I doubt it!
Billy: Don't doubt, Donald ... only believe!
Donald: Billy, I believe that you're a moron, just like the rest of your little flock. They've cut your salary, and now they're consumed with petty bickering. What's the point of staying here with these bozos?
Billy: The point is that I believe God wants me here, Donald, and I'm trusting him to help us grow into the loving Christian family he created us to be.
Donald: Well, I think you're crazy ... but my job offer is still open. Give me a call, before they hang you out to dry! (Exits stage right)
Billy: Now, Elwood, come along, and let's get busy calling our family together. (Leads Elwood stage left) Do you think Wednesday night would be a good time? We can meet at my house if our people would be more comfortable there -- and my wife will make a batch of her wonderful oatmeal cookies. (Exits stage left with Elwood)
Narrator: Well, despite Elwood's dire predictions, the meeting went off as planned ... and most of the congregation attended! After much prayer, folks began really listening to one another in love and -- praise the Lord! -- the divisions began to heal. But now, our hero is about to face a really big test.
(Billy and Elwood enter stage left)
Billy: Elwood, I can't believe Mrs. Murphy said that! You don't believe it's true, do you?
Elwood: Of course not, Rev'rend Billy. I know that you would never do a thing like that. You're a happily married man!
Billy: Elwood, I swear to you: Mrs. Murphy asked if she could talk to me in my office about a very personal matter. We talked for almost an hour, and she left. I won't tell you what we talked about, but that's all we did: we talked!
(Donald enters stage right; he remains upstage, listening to Elwood)
Elwood: Well, I do believe you, Rev'rend Billy. But Mrs. Murphy filed charges against you for -- Lord, I hate to use the word! -- sexual harassment, and the Board of Elders wants to talk to you.
Donald: That's it, Billy. They really are hanging you out to dry, my man! Give it up, bro'!
Billy: No! I am not guilty of this, and I won't just give up. Come on, Elwood, let's go confront this.
Donald: (Grabs Billy's arms) Billy, I can't let you do this to yourself, man! You know what's gonna happen in that kangaroo court of theirs: It'll be the old "she-said-he-said" number ... and she will win!
Billy: No, Donald. I have to confront this -- and I will be vindicated, I know it!
Donald: I sincerely doubt it, my friend.
Billy: Don't doubt, Donald ... only believe! (Exits stage left with Elwood; Donald moves downstage right)
Donald: What an idiot that guy is! He passes up the opportunity of a lifetime with my Dazzling Diner ... and what for? For financial hassles, for gossip and rumor-mongering and petty bickering ... and now, for a sexual harassment setup! After all that's happened to him, how in the name of all that's holy can Billy still believe?
(Billy and Elwood enter stage left)
Billy: I can believe, because I do believe in the name of all that's holy, Donald: I believe in the name of Jesus, the Son of God!
Donald: Oh, and I suppose you're gonna tell me now that your Jesus saved you from Mrs. Murphy, huh?
Billy: I am going to tell you that when Mrs. Murphy was confronted with the truth, she confessed that she had lied. I have forgiven her; she will seek counseling; I am vindicated by the truth. And all the glory goes to my Lord Jesus, who is the Truth ... and the Way and the Life! (Moves with Elwood to center stage where they recite the following from Psalm 111)
Billy/Elwood: "I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart, in the company of the upright ... Great are the works of the Lord ... Full of honor and majesty is his work, and his righteousness endures forever. He has gained renown by his wonderful deeds; the Lord is gracious and merciful ... The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding."
(Billy and Elwood go to Donald; they put their arms around him)
Billy/Elwood: Don't doubt, Donald ... only believe!
Pastors, in my humble opinion, have the nastiest job in all of Christendom. Underpaid and overworked, they are often unappreciated as well. But most pastors I have met like the Rev'rend Billy Belief, wouldn't trade their jobs for anything.
Why is that, I wonder?
Maybe it's because they have "come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and through believing ... have life in his name" (John 20:31).
Don't doubt, Donald ... only believe!
Cast
Narrator
Billy Belief
Elder Elwood
Donald Doubt
Props/Costumes
Elwood --Êoffering plate
(Narrator is at podium, stage left)
Narrator: In the letter we read today, John the beloved disciple asks an interesting rhetorical question: Who is it that conquers the world but the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? We'd love to think that believers are conquerors, wouldn't we? But sometimes, it just seems that it ain't necessarily so. (Billy Belief enters stage right)
For example, consider my man Billy Belief here. Billy is the pastor of a small church in the small town of FearoftheLord, Florida. Billy and his tiny congregation are faithful folks -- but things just don't seem to be working out for them.
(Elder Elwood enters stage left; carrying an offering plate)
Elwood: Oh, Rev'rend Billy, I'm glad I found you. Look at this pitiful offering we collected today! If this keeps up, we're not going to be able to pay the mortgage, much less heat the building.
Billy: Now, now, Elder Elwood: We must trust that God will provide.
(Donald Doubt enters stage right)
Donald: Yeah, right: Trust that God will provide. That's a bunch of baloney, Billy, and you know it!
Elwood: My goodness! Who is this uncouth person, Rev'rend Billy?
Billy: Elder Elwood, this is my boyhood buddy, Donald Doubt. Donald, meet Elder Elwood.
Donald: (Shakes his hand perfunctorily) Please-ta-meet-cha. Listen, Billy, I don't have much time here. Are you gonna give up this God-stuff and come to work for me, or not?
Billy: I'm afraid not, Donald. The Lord needs me here, and I trust that he will provide for me.
Donald: I doubt it!
Billy: Don't doubt, Donald ... only believe!
Donald: Billy, I believe that you're an idiot to turn down an opportunity to get in on the ground floor of Donald Doubt's Dazzling Diner. With your culinary skills and my business sense, we can make a killing! If you stay in this godforsaken little church, you and your family are gonna starve! (Exits stage right)
Elwood: Oh, Rev'rend Billy, whatever is gonna become of us?
Billy: (Puts his arm around Elwood) Now, Elwood. Let's stop worrying and start praying, okay? (Exits with Elwood stage left)
Narrator: Well, here's the good news: The Lord pulled Billy and his church out of their financial crisis. But the bad news is: The way out involved re-mortgaging the church building, and the little congregation had to continue barely surviving from one Sunday to the next. And Billy had to take a cut in salary.
(Billy and Elwood enter stage left)
Elwood: Rev'rend Billy, I just don't know what's gonna become of us! This congregation is so divided I don't think we'll ever come together again.
Billy: There's a lot of gossip and rumor going around, Elwood, and we've got to put a stop to it! I'm going to call the whole congregation together, and --
Elwood: Beggin' your pardon, Rev'rend Billy, but I don't see how you're gonna manage that!
Billy: What do you mean, Elwood?
(Donald enters stage right; he remains upstage, listening to Elwood)
Elwood: Wellsir, everybody's so mad at each other, they won't even set foot in the same room! The Ladies' Guild is mad at the Property Committee; the Property Committee's mad at the Worship Team; the Worship Team's mad at the choir ... and the choir -- which considers itself an autonomous body unto itself -- is mad at everybody!
Donald: Billy, Billy, Billy! When are you gonna see the light, man? These morons aren't worth the hassle! C'mon, bro' ... I still have a place for you at Donald Doubt's Dazzling Diner.
Billy: No, Donald. Thank you, but my place is here in this church family. With God's help, I believe that we can come together in love.
Donald: I doubt it!
Billy: Don't doubt, Donald ... only believe!
Donald: Billy, I believe that you're a moron, just like the rest of your little flock. They've cut your salary, and now they're consumed with petty bickering. What's the point of staying here with these bozos?
Billy: The point is that I believe God wants me here, Donald, and I'm trusting him to help us grow into the loving Christian family he created us to be.
Donald: Well, I think you're crazy ... but my job offer is still open. Give me a call, before they hang you out to dry! (Exits stage right)
Billy: Now, Elwood, come along, and let's get busy calling our family together. (Leads Elwood stage left) Do you think Wednesday night would be a good time? We can meet at my house if our people would be more comfortable there -- and my wife will make a batch of her wonderful oatmeal cookies. (Exits stage left with Elwood)
Narrator: Well, despite Elwood's dire predictions, the meeting went off as planned ... and most of the congregation attended! After much prayer, folks began really listening to one another in love and -- praise the Lord! -- the divisions began to heal. But now, our hero is about to face a really big test.
(Billy and Elwood enter stage left)
Billy: Elwood, I can't believe Mrs. Murphy said that! You don't believe it's true, do you?
Elwood: Of course not, Rev'rend Billy. I know that you would never do a thing like that. You're a happily married man!
Billy: Elwood, I swear to you: Mrs. Murphy asked if she could talk to me in my office about a very personal matter. We talked for almost an hour, and she left. I won't tell you what we talked about, but that's all we did: we talked!
(Donald enters stage right; he remains upstage, listening to Elwood)
Elwood: Well, I do believe you, Rev'rend Billy. But Mrs. Murphy filed charges against you for -- Lord, I hate to use the word! -- sexual harassment, and the Board of Elders wants to talk to you.
Donald: That's it, Billy. They really are hanging you out to dry, my man! Give it up, bro'!
Billy: No! I am not guilty of this, and I won't just give up. Come on, Elwood, let's go confront this.
Donald: (Grabs Billy's arms) Billy, I can't let you do this to yourself, man! You know what's gonna happen in that kangaroo court of theirs: It'll be the old "she-said-he-said" number ... and she will win!
Billy: No, Donald. I have to confront this -- and I will be vindicated, I know it!
Donald: I sincerely doubt it, my friend.
Billy: Don't doubt, Donald ... only believe! (Exits stage left with Elwood; Donald moves downstage right)
Donald: What an idiot that guy is! He passes up the opportunity of a lifetime with my Dazzling Diner ... and what for? For financial hassles, for gossip and rumor-mongering and petty bickering ... and now, for a sexual harassment setup! After all that's happened to him, how in the name of all that's holy can Billy still believe?
(Billy and Elwood enter stage left)
Billy: I can believe, because I do believe in the name of all that's holy, Donald: I believe in the name of Jesus, the Son of God!
Donald: Oh, and I suppose you're gonna tell me now that your Jesus saved you from Mrs. Murphy, huh?
Billy: I am going to tell you that when Mrs. Murphy was confronted with the truth, she confessed that she had lied. I have forgiven her; she will seek counseling; I am vindicated by the truth. And all the glory goes to my Lord Jesus, who is the Truth ... and the Way and the Life! (Moves with Elwood to center stage where they recite the following from Psalm 111)
Billy/Elwood: "I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart, in the company of the upright ... Great are the works of the Lord ... Full of honor and majesty is his work, and his righteousness endures forever. He has gained renown by his wonderful deeds; the Lord is gracious and merciful ... The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding."
(Billy and Elwood go to Donald; they put their arms around him)
Billy/Elwood: Don't doubt, Donald ... only believe!
