Barbecue Bob And The Fresh Wineskins
Drama
Thespian Theology
Advent, Christmas, Epiphany -- Cycle B
Thespian Theological Thoughts
I love to cook on my gas barbecue grill -- it's a guy thing! After every culinary marvel has been served, I clean the grill carefully, because I really don't like swordfish-flavored steak. Over the years, my family and friends have made fun of this early-toilet-training fastidiousness with my greasy grill, but I don't mind. My culinary marvels (yeah, right!) are the better for it, I believe.
Over the years, I've had trouble understanding and articulating what Jesus is really saying in the new wineskins parable. I was thinking about this play as I was preparing another culinary marvel last night, and Barbecue Bob just came to me. I hope you enjoy him!
And don't ya think "Barbecue Bob and the Fresh Wineskins" would be a great name for a Country group?
Cast
Narrator
Barbecue Bob
Believers (3 or more)
Props/Costumes
Bob -- grill, apron, wire brush
(Narrator is at podium, stage left. Barbecue Bob enters stage right, wearing an apron and carrying a grill and a wire brush)
Narrator: Behold my man, Barbecue Bob. Bob is a bit of a fanatic about barbecuing.
Bob: Oh, get off my case, fer-Pete's-sake! Just like to run a tight ship around here, okay?
Narrator: My, aren't we the touchy one this morning! What's up with you, Bob? Who put a burr under your saddle?
Bob: Well, if you must know, it's all those darn goofy "born-agains," know-what'm-sayin'?
Narrator: No, I'm afraid I don't know what you're saying, Bob. What's wrong with the "born-agains," as you call them?
Bob: Oh, man, you know -- all those folks go around shoutin' "You must be born again!" and talkin' about Jesus all the time. They give me a sweet pain where I sit!
Narrator: So, you don't believe in God, huh, Bob?
Bob: I didn't say that. I believe in God, and I'm just as religious as the next guy. But these "born-agains" are so fanatical, man! They're always runnin' around, wavin' their hands in the air, and shoutin', "Praise the Lord!" and "Thank you, Jesus."
Narrator: Well, what's wrong with that, Bob?
Bob: Well, I think worship and religion ought to be orderly and dignified, don't you?
Narrator: I don't know, Bob.
(A group of Believers enters, stage left. They greet Bob)
Believer #1: God bless you, my brother! (Tries to hug Bob)
Bob: Whoa, back off there, bub! (To Narrator) See what I mean? They're always tryin'Òto hug ya, an' stuff. Gives me the heebie-jeebies!
Believer #1: I'm sorry I offended you, my brother.
Believer #2: We're just trying to show you the love of Jesus.
Bob: Well, give it a rest, okay? I'm busy right now.
Believer #3: Can we give you a hand, brother? You look stressed-out!
Bob: I am stressed-out, fer-Pete's-sake! I've got the bowling league barbecue at my house this afternoon, and I haven't even started gettin' ready, so ...
Believers: So we'll help you, brother!
Bob: (Starts moving stage left) Well, I dunno.
(Believers and Bob exit together, stage left)
Narrator: Well, that was an interesting little encounter! I wonder if those believers will be able to make a dent in ol' Bob's armor. Let's fast-forward a few hours (Runs in place) and see.
(Bob enters stage left; he is tired. He still carries his grill and his wire brush)
Bob: Man, I'm pooped. Those bowling league dudes can sure eat a lotta ribs and chicken! (Sits down center stage and starts cleaning the grill with his wire brush)
Narrator: Did your "born-again" (Makes quote signs with fingers) friends help out, Bob?
Bob: Yeah. I don't know what I woulda done without 'em, quite frankly.
Narrator: So, did you learn something about these "born-agains," Bob?
Bob: W-e-e-e-l-l ... they're nice folks, all right. But I still think they're kinda weird.
(Believers enter stage left)
Believer #1: Hey, Bob! Why don't you join us at church this Sunday?
Bob: Oh, I dunno, I ...
Believer #2: Oh, come on, Bob. It's a real friendly church. You'll love it!
Bob: W-e-e-e-l-l ...
Believer #3: Okay, then. We'll pick you up about quarter to ten.
Believers: See ya then, Bob! (Exit stage right)
Bob: Oh, maaaan! Now what've I gotten myself into?
Narrator: It could be the best thing you've ever gotten yourself into, Bob.
Bob: (Stands up and exits stage right) I dunno, man, I dunno.
Narrator: (Runs in place) Time to fast-forward again. It's Sunday afternoon, and Bob is home from church. (Bob enters stage right; he's still cleaning his grill) So, Bob, I see you're still cleaning that barbecue grill of yours.
Bob: Yup. The wife's having her bridge club ladies over. Yuk!
Narrator: How was church this morning, Bob?
Bob: It was okay.
Narrator: Were the people friendly?
Bob: Yup.
Narrator: Did you like the music?
Bob: It was okay.
Narrator: How about the sermon? Did you like that?
Bob: A-i-n-h-h! (Makes a "wishy-washy" sign with his hand)
Narrator: What does "a-i-n-h-h" mean, Bob?
Bob: Well, the preacher said somethin' about new wine in fresh wineskins, and I didn't really get it. I mean, what's up with that?
(Believers enter stage right)
Believer #1: Bob, God is doing a new thing, in Jesus Christ! And he's telling you to open your heart to him, and ...
Bob: No, he's not. He's telling me I gotta put new wine in fresh wineskins. All I know about wineskins is that they're a pain in the patoot! I used to take a wineskin full of Annie Green Springs Chablis (Pronounces it with a hard "ch" and ending "s") with me to the ski slopes. Lemme tell ya, I know about wineskins bursting! I caught an edge and did a face-plant one day on "Suicide Slope," and my stupid wineskin broke. Man. I smelled like cheap Chablis for the rest of the weekend!
Believer #2: Bob, my brother, let me try this on you, okay? I notice that you are always cleaning your barbecue grill. Now, why is that?
Bob: 'Cuz I want it to be clean, dummy! Why else would I clean it?
Believer #2: But why do you want it to be clean? Isn't it so that the steak you're cooking today won't smell and taste like the swordfish you cooked yesterday?
Bob: Well, yeah.
Believer #3: It's the same thing with God, Bob. He has done a wonderful, life-changing new thing, in Jesus Christ the Lord.
Believer #1: And he won't pour this wine of new life into an old wineskin that is stale and hard ... or else that wineskin will burst.
Believer #3: Or, looking at it from a barbecuer's perspective, Bob, God won't cook the steak of new life on a grill that still smells and tastes like old dead fish!
Bob: Hmmmmm. Hey, are you saying I smell like a dead fish?
Believer #2: No, Bob, not at all! But we are asking you to open your heart, mind, and soul to new life in Jesus.
Bob: Does that mean I gotta run around like a ninny, wavin' my arms in the air?
Believer #3: Not at all, Bob.
Bob: Does it mean I gotta go grabbin' and huggin' every jamoke I meet?
Believer #1: Nope, not at all.
Bob: What does it mean?
Believer #2: It just means that Jesus is inviting you to let him cook a fantastic heavenly barbecue on the new grill of a heart, mind, and soul which will remain open to accept him.
Believers: Taste and see that the Lord is good!
Bob: (Puts down wire brush and hands grill to Believers) Okay, here you are. I guess I'm kinda hungry!
Cast: Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!
I love to cook on my gas barbecue grill -- it's a guy thing! After every culinary marvel has been served, I clean the grill carefully, because I really don't like swordfish-flavored steak. Over the years, my family and friends have made fun of this early-toilet-training fastidiousness with my greasy grill, but I don't mind. My culinary marvels (yeah, right!) are the better for it, I believe.
Over the years, I've had trouble understanding and articulating what Jesus is really saying in the new wineskins parable. I was thinking about this play as I was preparing another culinary marvel last night, and Barbecue Bob just came to me. I hope you enjoy him!
And don't ya think "Barbecue Bob and the Fresh Wineskins" would be a great name for a Country group?
Cast
Narrator
Barbecue Bob
Believers (3 or more)
Props/Costumes
Bob -- grill, apron, wire brush
(Narrator is at podium, stage left. Barbecue Bob enters stage right, wearing an apron and carrying a grill and a wire brush)
Narrator: Behold my man, Barbecue Bob. Bob is a bit of a fanatic about barbecuing.
Bob: Oh, get off my case, fer-Pete's-sake! Just like to run a tight ship around here, okay?
Narrator: My, aren't we the touchy one this morning! What's up with you, Bob? Who put a burr under your saddle?
Bob: Well, if you must know, it's all those darn goofy "born-agains," know-what'm-sayin'?
Narrator: No, I'm afraid I don't know what you're saying, Bob. What's wrong with the "born-agains," as you call them?
Bob: Oh, man, you know -- all those folks go around shoutin' "You must be born again!" and talkin' about Jesus all the time. They give me a sweet pain where I sit!
Narrator: So, you don't believe in God, huh, Bob?
Bob: I didn't say that. I believe in God, and I'm just as religious as the next guy. But these "born-agains" are so fanatical, man! They're always runnin' around, wavin' their hands in the air, and shoutin', "Praise the Lord!" and "Thank you, Jesus."
Narrator: Well, what's wrong with that, Bob?
Bob: Well, I think worship and religion ought to be orderly and dignified, don't you?
Narrator: I don't know, Bob.
(A group of Believers enters, stage left. They greet Bob)
Believer #1: God bless you, my brother! (Tries to hug Bob)
Bob: Whoa, back off there, bub! (To Narrator) See what I mean? They're always tryin'Òto hug ya, an' stuff. Gives me the heebie-jeebies!
Believer #1: I'm sorry I offended you, my brother.
Believer #2: We're just trying to show you the love of Jesus.
Bob: Well, give it a rest, okay? I'm busy right now.
Believer #3: Can we give you a hand, brother? You look stressed-out!
Bob: I am stressed-out, fer-Pete's-sake! I've got the bowling league barbecue at my house this afternoon, and I haven't even started gettin' ready, so ...
Believers: So we'll help you, brother!
Bob: (Starts moving stage left) Well, I dunno.
(Believers and Bob exit together, stage left)
Narrator: Well, that was an interesting little encounter! I wonder if those believers will be able to make a dent in ol' Bob's armor. Let's fast-forward a few hours (Runs in place) and see.
(Bob enters stage left; he is tired. He still carries his grill and his wire brush)
Bob: Man, I'm pooped. Those bowling league dudes can sure eat a lotta ribs and chicken! (Sits down center stage and starts cleaning the grill with his wire brush)
Narrator: Did your "born-again" (Makes quote signs with fingers) friends help out, Bob?
Bob: Yeah. I don't know what I woulda done without 'em, quite frankly.
Narrator: So, did you learn something about these "born-agains," Bob?
Bob: W-e-e-e-l-l ... they're nice folks, all right. But I still think they're kinda weird.
(Believers enter stage left)
Believer #1: Hey, Bob! Why don't you join us at church this Sunday?
Bob: Oh, I dunno, I ...
Believer #2: Oh, come on, Bob. It's a real friendly church. You'll love it!
Bob: W-e-e-e-l-l ...
Believer #3: Okay, then. We'll pick you up about quarter to ten.
Believers: See ya then, Bob! (Exit stage right)
Bob: Oh, maaaan! Now what've I gotten myself into?
Narrator: It could be the best thing you've ever gotten yourself into, Bob.
Bob: (Stands up and exits stage right) I dunno, man, I dunno.
Narrator: (Runs in place) Time to fast-forward again. It's Sunday afternoon, and Bob is home from church. (Bob enters stage right; he's still cleaning his grill) So, Bob, I see you're still cleaning that barbecue grill of yours.
Bob: Yup. The wife's having her bridge club ladies over. Yuk!
Narrator: How was church this morning, Bob?
Bob: It was okay.
Narrator: Were the people friendly?
Bob: Yup.
Narrator: Did you like the music?
Bob: It was okay.
Narrator: How about the sermon? Did you like that?
Bob: A-i-n-h-h! (Makes a "wishy-washy" sign with his hand)
Narrator: What does "a-i-n-h-h" mean, Bob?
Bob: Well, the preacher said somethin' about new wine in fresh wineskins, and I didn't really get it. I mean, what's up with that?
(Believers enter stage right)
Believer #1: Bob, God is doing a new thing, in Jesus Christ! And he's telling you to open your heart to him, and ...
Bob: No, he's not. He's telling me I gotta put new wine in fresh wineskins. All I know about wineskins is that they're a pain in the patoot! I used to take a wineskin full of Annie Green Springs Chablis (Pronounces it with a hard "ch" and ending "s") with me to the ski slopes. Lemme tell ya, I know about wineskins bursting! I caught an edge and did a face-plant one day on "Suicide Slope," and my stupid wineskin broke. Man. I smelled like cheap Chablis for the rest of the weekend!
Believer #2: Bob, my brother, let me try this on you, okay? I notice that you are always cleaning your barbecue grill. Now, why is that?
Bob: 'Cuz I want it to be clean, dummy! Why else would I clean it?
Believer #2: But why do you want it to be clean? Isn't it so that the steak you're cooking today won't smell and taste like the swordfish you cooked yesterday?
Bob: Well, yeah.
Believer #3: It's the same thing with God, Bob. He has done a wonderful, life-changing new thing, in Jesus Christ the Lord.
Believer #1: And he won't pour this wine of new life into an old wineskin that is stale and hard ... or else that wineskin will burst.
Believer #3: Or, looking at it from a barbecuer's perspective, Bob, God won't cook the steak of new life on a grill that still smells and tastes like old dead fish!
Bob: Hmmmmm. Hey, are you saying I smell like a dead fish?
Believer #2: No, Bob, not at all! But we are asking you to open your heart, mind, and soul to new life in Jesus.
Bob: Does that mean I gotta run around like a ninny, wavin' my arms in the air?
Believer #3: Not at all, Bob.
Bob: Does it mean I gotta go grabbin' and huggin' every jamoke I meet?
Believer #1: Nope, not at all.
Bob: What does it mean?
Believer #2: It just means that Jesus is inviting you to let him cook a fantastic heavenly barbecue on the new grill of a heart, mind, and soul which will remain open to accept him.
Believers: Taste and see that the Lord is good!
Bob: (Puts down wire brush and hands grill to Believers) Okay, here you are. I guess I'm kinda hungry!
Cast: Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!
