B-a-a-a-a!
Drama
Thespian Theology
Lent/Easter
Thespian Theological Thoughts
This one didn't turn out the way I'd planned.
Perhaps it was my focus on the sheep ("B-a-a-a-a!"), instead of the Shepherd, which led me astray.
Or is this play astray? Perhaps we need to remember that we are, in fact, nothing more or less than dumb and dependent sheep. And that, when we start to think we're smart and independent, we stray like sheep -- didn't Isaiah say something about that? -- and we need the Good Shepherd to bring us back from our foolishness.
Cast
Narrator
Peter Proud
Sheep (2-3)
Hiram Huckster
Reverend Sebastian Spiritualife
Wilhelmina W. Wisdom
Voice of Jesus (offstage)
Props/Costumes
Hiram -- clipboard
Sebastian Spiritualife -- large Bible, bottle of oil
Wilhelmina W. Wisdom -- black robe, mortar board
(Narrator is at podium, stage left)
Narrator: Of all the animals in creation, sheep appear most frequently in the pages of the Bible. Sheep are used figuratively to represent God's people, and --
(Peter Proud enters down center aisle)
Peter Proud: Hold it right there!
Narrator: Excuse me? Who are you, and what are you doing here?
Peter Proud: I am Peter Proud -- Dr. Peter Proud, M.Div., Ph.D., LICSW, if you please -- and I am here to register a vigorous protest!
Narrator: That's nice. What are you protesting, Peter?
Peter Proud: I am protesting the church's use of all that bogus sheep-and-shepherd imagery to portray us human beings and our leaders.
Narrator: Why do you have a problem with that, Peter?
Peter Proud: Dr. Proud, if you please! I have a problem because that sheep image is demeaning. A sheep is really a low-watt bulb, you know. In fact, on the animal kingdom Christmas tree, sheep are probably the dimmest bulbs of all.
Narrator: Probably. So, what's your point?
Peter Proud: My point is that God's finest creation is man ... and woman. So why all these references to us as a bunch of stupid sheep, for-goodness'-sake? It's bad for our self-esteem!
Narrator: That may be so, Pete -- er, Dr. Proud -- but you have to admit that there are times when "God's finest creations" do, in fact, act like sheep.
Peter Proud: I take umbrage at that!
Narrator: Take whatever you want, Dr. Proud, but do us a favor and take it to a seat over there. (Points to a seat in the audience) Give a listen to what we have to say, and then we'll talk, okay?
Peter Proud: Well, all right. But you haven't heard the last from Peter Proud! (Takes a seat in audience)
Narrator: Ya know, somehow I think that's right. As I was saying, sheep are repeatedly used in the Bible to represent the people of God --Êand shepherds are used to represent our leaders. Why is that? Well, let's look at some characteristics of sheep. Our friend Dr. Proud here pointed out that sheep aren't exactly the Einsteins of the animal kingdom. Another way to say that is that sheep are helpless and dependent, in a world controlled by the forces of evil. Behold!
(Sheep, 2-3 or more, enter stage right; they walk on all fours and repeatedly bleat: "B-a-a-a-a!" Hiram Huckster enters stage left, carrying a clipboard)
Hiram: Welcome to the Hiram Huckster Minute of Mighty Moral Magnificence, mah friends! Today we're talkin' about how you -- yes, you! -- can realize all your dreams, by investing in a Hiram Huckster worm farm. You'll enhance your spiritual life; you'll get back in touch with God's good earth; and you'll earn more tax-free money than you ever dreamed of makin'! All you have to do is sign up today so that you can take advantage of Hiram's special thirty percent early-bird discount. Who among you will be the first to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a! B-a-a-a-a! (Crowd around Hiram and sign up)
Hiram: Gotchya! (Pumps his fist and exits stage left)
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a! B-a-a-a-a!
Peter Proud: (Stands up) Worm farms ... that's ridiculous! What kind of moron would sign up to buy a worm farm?
Narrator: Please, Dr. Proud, give another listen, okay?
Peter Proud: W-e-e-e-l-l-l, all right. But you'd better get real!
Narrator: Behold ... the Reverend Sebastian Spiritualife!
(Reverend Sebastian Spiritualife enters stage right; he carries a big Bible, which he continually thumps)
Sebastian: (To Sheep) Mah brethren 'n' sistern: Ye must be born again.
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a!
Sebastian: And if thou wouldst be born again, thou must turn thine hearts unto the Lord Jesus Christ.
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a!
Sebastian: And if thou wouldst turn thine hearts unto Jesus, thou must read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest his Holy Word.
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a!
Sebastian: And if thou wouldst understand the Only and Ineffable and Infallible Word of God ... ya gotta have the Reverend Sebastian Spiritualife's Single-Source Study of Scripture (Pounds Bible) ... the spiritual seeker's source of sincere spirituality! And for a limited time, this top-quality leather-bound edition of God's Holy Word, together with my special Spiritualife Study Notes, is available for only $49.95, plus shipping and handling. And if you order today, you'll get -- at no extra charge -- your very own bottle of this here now (Holds up a bottle) holy anointing oil, refined from olive groves in the Garden of Gethsemane. Now, who is gonna be the first to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime offer?
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a! B-a-a-a-a! (Flock to Sebastian and order)
Sebastian: Gotchya. Praise the Lord! (Pumps fist and exits stage left)
Peter Proud: (Stands up) Unction of a mountebank! What kind of moron would fall for that preposterous piece of poppycock?
(Wilhelmina W. Wisdom enters stage right; she goes to Peter and leads him up on stage)
Wilhelmina: Exactly, Dr. Proud! Come with me, and let's theologize.
Peter Proud: And who are you, my dear?
Wilhelmina: I am Wilhelmina W. Wisdom, M.Div., Ph.D.
Peter Proud: Ah, a kindred spirit! Then you agree with me, Dr. Wisdom?
Wilhelmina: Indeed I do, Dr. Proud. These antiquated biblical images from an agrarian past need to be replaced by something more relevant to the twenty-first-century consumers. Come with me, Dr. Proud. I'd like to invite you to be the keynote speaker at my First Annual Biblical Revisionists' Conference. Our theme is "Biblical Truth? ... Whatever!" My colleagues and I eagerly await your articulate contribution to our deliberations.
Peter Proud: B-a-a-a-a! (Follows Wilhelmina, and they exit together stage right)
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a!
Narrator: Well, that was an interesting turn of events, wasn't it? Now, I wonder if our pompous pal Dr. Proud has learned anything about sheep.
(Peter Proud enters stage right)
Peter Proud: I'm b-a-a-a-c-k, and I heard what you s-a-a-a-i-d!
Narrator: Yes? And do you understand the sheep image now, Dr. Proud?
Peter Proud: I have a-a-always understood it, dear boy. But I still think it's a b-a-a-a-d image. I am most assuredly not a ... b-a-a-a! ... I'm not a ... b-a-a-a-a! I'm not ... b-a-a-a! Hey, what's the matter with me?
Narrator: Perhaps your true nature is beginning to reveal itself, Pete.
Peter Proud: Doctor -- b-a-a-a! -- Proud, if you pl-e-e-e-a-se. But what do you m-e-e-a-n by that comment about my true n-a-a-ature?
Narrator: You are a sheep, Peter -- like the rest of us! When Wilhelmina Wisdom anointed your ears with the right kind of snake oil, you followed her, like the sheep you really are.
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a. Join the human r-a-a-a-ce, Peter!
Peter Proud: Woe is m-e-e-e-e! What am I to d-o-o-o-o? I am nothing but a sh-e-e-p! Whom can I turn t-o-o-o?
Voice of Jesus: (Offstage) Turn to the Good Shepherd, my little lamb!
Peter Proud: Who's that?
Sheep: J-e-e-e-sus! (Stand up and recite Psalm 23)
(After the recitation, Peter joins Sheep at center stage)
Peter/Sheep: B-a-a-a-a! Praise you, Jesus!
This one didn't turn out the way I'd planned.
Perhaps it was my focus on the sheep ("B-a-a-a-a!"), instead of the Shepherd, which led me astray.
Or is this play astray? Perhaps we need to remember that we are, in fact, nothing more or less than dumb and dependent sheep. And that, when we start to think we're smart and independent, we stray like sheep -- didn't Isaiah say something about that? -- and we need the Good Shepherd to bring us back from our foolishness.
Cast
Narrator
Peter Proud
Sheep (2-3)
Hiram Huckster
Reverend Sebastian Spiritualife
Wilhelmina W. Wisdom
Voice of Jesus (offstage)
Props/Costumes
Hiram -- clipboard
Sebastian Spiritualife -- large Bible, bottle of oil
Wilhelmina W. Wisdom -- black robe, mortar board
(Narrator is at podium, stage left)
Narrator: Of all the animals in creation, sheep appear most frequently in the pages of the Bible. Sheep are used figuratively to represent God's people, and --
(Peter Proud enters down center aisle)
Peter Proud: Hold it right there!
Narrator: Excuse me? Who are you, and what are you doing here?
Peter Proud: I am Peter Proud -- Dr. Peter Proud, M.Div., Ph.D., LICSW, if you please -- and I am here to register a vigorous protest!
Narrator: That's nice. What are you protesting, Peter?
Peter Proud: I am protesting the church's use of all that bogus sheep-and-shepherd imagery to portray us human beings and our leaders.
Narrator: Why do you have a problem with that, Peter?
Peter Proud: Dr. Proud, if you please! I have a problem because that sheep image is demeaning. A sheep is really a low-watt bulb, you know. In fact, on the animal kingdom Christmas tree, sheep are probably the dimmest bulbs of all.
Narrator: Probably. So, what's your point?
Peter Proud: My point is that God's finest creation is man ... and woman. So why all these references to us as a bunch of stupid sheep, for-goodness'-sake? It's bad for our self-esteem!
Narrator: That may be so, Pete -- er, Dr. Proud -- but you have to admit that there are times when "God's finest creations" do, in fact, act like sheep.
Peter Proud: I take umbrage at that!
Narrator: Take whatever you want, Dr. Proud, but do us a favor and take it to a seat over there. (Points to a seat in the audience) Give a listen to what we have to say, and then we'll talk, okay?
Peter Proud: Well, all right. But you haven't heard the last from Peter Proud! (Takes a seat in audience)
Narrator: Ya know, somehow I think that's right. As I was saying, sheep are repeatedly used in the Bible to represent the people of God --Êand shepherds are used to represent our leaders. Why is that? Well, let's look at some characteristics of sheep. Our friend Dr. Proud here pointed out that sheep aren't exactly the Einsteins of the animal kingdom. Another way to say that is that sheep are helpless and dependent, in a world controlled by the forces of evil. Behold!
(Sheep, 2-3 or more, enter stage right; they walk on all fours and repeatedly bleat: "B-a-a-a-a!" Hiram Huckster enters stage left, carrying a clipboard)
Hiram: Welcome to the Hiram Huckster Minute of Mighty Moral Magnificence, mah friends! Today we're talkin' about how you -- yes, you! -- can realize all your dreams, by investing in a Hiram Huckster worm farm. You'll enhance your spiritual life; you'll get back in touch with God's good earth; and you'll earn more tax-free money than you ever dreamed of makin'! All you have to do is sign up today so that you can take advantage of Hiram's special thirty percent early-bird discount. Who among you will be the first to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a! B-a-a-a-a! (Crowd around Hiram and sign up)
Hiram: Gotchya! (Pumps his fist and exits stage left)
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a! B-a-a-a-a!
Peter Proud: (Stands up) Worm farms ... that's ridiculous! What kind of moron would sign up to buy a worm farm?
Narrator: Please, Dr. Proud, give another listen, okay?
Peter Proud: W-e-e-e-l-l-l, all right. But you'd better get real!
Narrator: Behold ... the Reverend Sebastian Spiritualife!
(Reverend Sebastian Spiritualife enters stage right; he carries a big Bible, which he continually thumps)
Sebastian: (To Sheep) Mah brethren 'n' sistern: Ye must be born again.
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a!
Sebastian: And if thou wouldst be born again, thou must turn thine hearts unto the Lord Jesus Christ.
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a!
Sebastian: And if thou wouldst turn thine hearts unto Jesus, thou must read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest his Holy Word.
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a!
Sebastian: And if thou wouldst understand the Only and Ineffable and Infallible Word of God ... ya gotta have the Reverend Sebastian Spiritualife's Single-Source Study of Scripture (Pounds Bible) ... the spiritual seeker's source of sincere spirituality! And for a limited time, this top-quality leather-bound edition of God's Holy Word, together with my special Spiritualife Study Notes, is available for only $49.95, plus shipping and handling. And if you order today, you'll get -- at no extra charge -- your very own bottle of this here now (Holds up a bottle) holy anointing oil, refined from olive groves in the Garden of Gethsemane. Now, who is gonna be the first to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime offer?
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a! B-a-a-a-a! (Flock to Sebastian and order)
Sebastian: Gotchya. Praise the Lord! (Pumps fist and exits stage left)
Peter Proud: (Stands up) Unction of a mountebank! What kind of moron would fall for that preposterous piece of poppycock?
(Wilhelmina W. Wisdom enters stage right; she goes to Peter and leads him up on stage)
Wilhelmina: Exactly, Dr. Proud! Come with me, and let's theologize.
Peter Proud: And who are you, my dear?
Wilhelmina: I am Wilhelmina W. Wisdom, M.Div., Ph.D.
Peter Proud: Ah, a kindred spirit! Then you agree with me, Dr. Wisdom?
Wilhelmina: Indeed I do, Dr. Proud. These antiquated biblical images from an agrarian past need to be replaced by something more relevant to the twenty-first-century consumers. Come with me, Dr. Proud. I'd like to invite you to be the keynote speaker at my First Annual Biblical Revisionists' Conference. Our theme is "Biblical Truth? ... Whatever!" My colleagues and I eagerly await your articulate contribution to our deliberations.
Peter Proud: B-a-a-a-a! (Follows Wilhelmina, and they exit together stage right)
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a!
Narrator: Well, that was an interesting turn of events, wasn't it? Now, I wonder if our pompous pal Dr. Proud has learned anything about sheep.
(Peter Proud enters stage right)
Peter Proud: I'm b-a-a-a-c-k, and I heard what you s-a-a-a-i-d!
Narrator: Yes? And do you understand the sheep image now, Dr. Proud?
Peter Proud: I have a-a-always understood it, dear boy. But I still think it's a b-a-a-a-d image. I am most assuredly not a ... b-a-a-a! ... I'm not a ... b-a-a-a-a! I'm not ... b-a-a-a! Hey, what's the matter with me?
Narrator: Perhaps your true nature is beginning to reveal itself, Pete.
Peter Proud: Doctor -- b-a-a-a! -- Proud, if you pl-e-e-e-a-se. But what do you m-e-e-a-n by that comment about my true n-a-a-ature?
Narrator: You are a sheep, Peter -- like the rest of us! When Wilhelmina Wisdom anointed your ears with the right kind of snake oil, you followed her, like the sheep you really are.
Sheep: B-a-a-a-a. Join the human r-a-a-a-ce, Peter!
Peter Proud: Woe is m-e-e-e-e! What am I to d-o-o-o-o? I am nothing but a sh-e-e-p! Whom can I turn t-o-o-o?
Voice of Jesus: (Offstage) Turn to the Good Shepherd, my little lamb!
Peter Proud: Who's that?
Sheep: J-e-e-e-sus! (Stand up and recite Psalm 23)
(After the recitation, Peter joins Sheep at center stage)
Peter/Sheep: B-a-a-a-a! Praise you, Jesus!

