Whatever ...
Drama
Thespian Theology
Advent, Christmas, Epiphany -- Cycle B
Thespian Theological Thoughts
"Whatever."
That was Archie Bunker's response to every challenge he faced. And "Whatever" became a mantra for a generation of Americans who grew up believing that there were no absolutes. And if there are no absolutes, then America has 270 million individual standards of right and wrong. And that's called anarchy.
The Christian faith, on the other hand, holds that there are absolutes, that it does matter what we believe. It matters very much. Becoming "all things to all people" does not -- and must not -- reflect a "whatever" mindset. We must not compromise the gospel. There is an objective standard of right and wrong. However, in presenting the gospel message of God's love in Christ, we "become all things to all people" by being sensitive to the particular attitudes and needs of each person we meet. In an article in re:generation magazine, Richard Kew answers those who say that the church should "accommodate" its beliefs to the culture, in an effort to be relevant. Kew responds, "Others of us believe that the church would be far better off to take its historic message seriously, translate that message into terms the culture can understand, and live it out credibly."
This is not "whatever."
Cast
Narrator
Peter Politics
Rev. Albert Allthings
Crowd (2-5 people)
Paul the Apostle
Props/Costumes
Crowd Signs -- "Citizens Against Whatever"
"Citizens For Whatever"
"The Church Of Whatever"
(Narrator is at podium, stage left)
Narrator: Paul the Apostle says that he became all things to all people. What does that mean, exactly?
(Peter Politics enters stage right, followed by Crowd carrying signs: "Citizens Against Whatever")
Narrator: Take Peter Politics, for instance ... please take him!
Peter: Mah fellow Amer'cans, I'm here to tell you that I am solidly, four-square against "Whatever"! If I am elected, I promise that I will be your bulwark and shield against "Whatever." Vote for Peter Politics, and you'll be safe from that godless "Whatever"! Remember: Peter Politics is God's Man in Washington.
Crowd: Pee-ter! Pee-ter! Pee-ter!
(Crowd exits stage left; Peter remains on stage)
Peter: Whew! I guess I got rid of those fanatics!
(Crowd enters stage left, carrying signs: "Citizens For Whatever")
Crowd: Whatever Forever! Whatever Forever! Whatever Forever!
Peter: Oooops! Um ... Mah fellow Amer'cans, I have one word for you (Spreads out his arms, as if looking for a hug) ... "Whatever!"
Crowd: Whatever Forever! Whatever Forever! Whatever Forever! (Members hug Peter and slap him on the back approvingly)
Narrator: Yo, Pete! Didn't you just get through saying you would be "the bulwark and shield against Whatever"?
Peter: Yeah. So what's your point?
Narrator: Isn't the point kind of obvious? In the last minute and a half you have completely contradicted yourself. You made a 180-degree turn on Whatever. Doesn't that bother you, Peter?
Peter: Shoot, no! I am "all things to all people," whatever it takes to get me elected -- so I can serve the people of my district. Know-what-I'm-sayin'?
Narrator: Oh, we do know what you're sayin', Peter.
Peter: Well, then ...
(Peter moves upstage left; Crowd exits stage right)
Narrator: Well, I'm not sure that is what the Apostle meant when he said he was "all things to all people."
(Rev. Albert Allthings enters stage left; Crowd enters stage right)
Narrator: But here's another proponent of "all things." It's the Reverend Albert Allthings, an evangelical legend in his own mind.
Rev. Albert: Brethren and sistern, hear the word of God from the Reverend Albert Allthings. Jesus said, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." And I'm here to tell you, brethren and sistern, I take Jesus very seriously!
Crowd: Praise the Lord! Preach it, brother! Ay-men!
Rev. Albert: Yes, indeed! I'm here to tell you that, if a man (or a woman) will not confess Jesus as Lord and Savior, then, on that great gettin' up morning when that man (or that woman) stands before the Lord at his judgment seat, Jesus is gonna say, "I do not know you, sinner! Depart from me into the hellfire of eternal damnation."
Crowd: Ay-men! Bless you, Reverend Albert! You da man!
(Crowd exits stage right)
Rev. Albert: Whew! Well, I guess I satisfied them ol' fundamentalists.
(Crowd enters stage right, carrying signs: "The Church Of Whatever")
Rev. Albert: What ho? Who you be, friends?
Crowd Member #1: We be the Church of Whatever, that's who we be! And we're here to ask you about this Jesus of yours, who says he is the only way to God.
Rev. Albert: Well, now, hold on there a minute, my man. I didn't exactly say that.
Crowd Member #2: You didn't? Well, I could swear that's what I just heard you say, bro'.
Rev. Albert: W-e-e-e-e-l-l, now, that's not really what I meant, you know.
Crowd: It's not?
Rev. Albert: W-e-e-l-l ... not exactly. What I meant was, er ... What I meant was ... (rapidly) God loves you, okay?
Crowd: Okay!
Rev. Albert: Right! And God wants you to love him, okay?
Crowd: Okay!
Rev. Albert: And ... (Speaks this very quickly) Whatever-ya-do-to-say-ya-love-God-is-cool, okay?
Crowd: Okay! Way cool! Praise God. Ay-men, brother!
(Crowd gathers around Rev. Albert, slapping high-fives. Crowd then exits stage right; Rev. Albert moves upstage right)
Rev. Albert: Whew! Yeah. Praise God.
Narrator: So, is this what Saint Paul meant by "becoming all things to all people"?
(Paul the Apostle enters down center aisle)
Paul: Not!
Narrator: And you are ...?
Paul: Saul of Tarsus.
Narrator: I see. And what do you have to say to us, sir?
Paul: I have something to say to you about "becoming all things to all people."
Narrator: And what might that be?
Paul: (Points upstage to Peter and Rev. Albert) It is not "whatever"!
Peter and Rev. Albert: Huh?
Paul: When I said that I had "become all things to all people," I meant that I did this in order to work toward the salvation of all persons I met. I did not mean that I would compromise my principles in order to win favor or sell myself.
Peter and Rev. Albert: Oh.
Paul: For me -- and for all Christians -- becoming "all things to all people"Òmeans steadfastly proclaiming the gospel.
Peter and Rev. Albert: But how --
Paul: By listening and being sensitive to the particular attitudes and needs of each individual whom I encounter!
Peter: But that's just what I'm doin'!
Paul: Excuse me, Peter, but that's not what you are doing. You are changing your whole message to fit whatever you think your different audiences want to hear. We Christians become all things to all people for a reason -- to bring others to Christ -- but we never change our basic message.
Peter: Well, I'll never get elected if I do that ...
Paul: Excuse me again, Peter, but we're not really interested in getting elected.
Peter: ... and if I don't get elected, I'll never get the chance to do the good things I want to do.
Paul: And those good things are ... what, Peter?
Peter: Er, um ... well, getting my legislative agenda ... er, I mean God's agenda -- through Congress. Know-what-I'm-sayin'?
Paul: No, I guess I don't know what you're saying, Peter. Do you?
Rev. Albert: Oh, fer-Pete's-sake, don't pay any attention to him, Mr. Apostle! He's just a scumbag politician.
Paul: I'd watch the judgmental attitude if I were you, Albert.
Rev. Albert: Harrumph! Well, now I suppose you're going to tell me that I've been a bad boy, just because I'm trying to save souls.
Paul: I'm not telling you that you're a bad boy, Albert. But I am saying that compromising the gospel is not what I meant by "becoming all things to all people, that I might by all means save some."
Rev. Albert: Hey, whatever!
Paul: Whatever what, Albert?
Rev. Albert: Whatever gets the job done, Pablo.
Paul: But you're not getting the job done, Alberto!
Rev. Albert: Huh?
Paul: You're telling people that it doesn't really matter what they believe ... and the Christian faith is that it matters very much what you believe!
Rev. Albert: But how am I supposed to tell that to those "Whatever" fanatics, Paul? They don't want to hear that!
Paul: But they have to hear it!
Rev. Albert: But how?
Paul: I'll say it again: "I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some." And that means ...
First: that I will never compromise the gospel message, because my goal is to bring people to salvation; and
Second: that I will proclaim the gospel by listening and being sensitive to the particular attitudes and needs of every person I meet.
Rev. Albert: So ... if you meet a person of the Muslim faith, Paul, do you become a Muslim?
Paul: May it never be! But what I will do is to listen to that person, treat him as a brother (or sister), respond to him with the unconditional love of Jesus, and trust that God -- not Paul -- will lead him to a saving knowledge of Christ.
Peter and Rev. Albert: What does that mean for us, Paul?
Paul: It means: "Go and do likewise."
(Peter and Rev. Albert turn to leave)
Paul: And, guys?
Peter and Rev. Albert: Huh?
Paul: Think about integrity!
Peter and Rev. Albert: Huh?
Paul: "Do it all for the sake of the gospel" ... and you know what?
Peter and Rev. Albert: No, what?
Paul: You will share in its blessings! So give it a try, okay?
Peter and Rev. Albert: Okay, Paul, we'll try. (Exit stage right)
Paul: That's all God asks of us. (Bows and exits left)
"Whatever."
That was Archie Bunker's response to every challenge he faced. And "Whatever" became a mantra for a generation of Americans who grew up believing that there were no absolutes. And if there are no absolutes, then America has 270 million individual standards of right and wrong. And that's called anarchy.
The Christian faith, on the other hand, holds that there are absolutes, that it does matter what we believe. It matters very much. Becoming "all things to all people" does not -- and must not -- reflect a "whatever" mindset. We must not compromise the gospel. There is an objective standard of right and wrong. However, in presenting the gospel message of God's love in Christ, we "become all things to all people" by being sensitive to the particular attitudes and needs of each person we meet. In an article in re:generation magazine, Richard Kew answers those who say that the church should "accommodate" its beliefs to the culture, in an effort to be relevant. Kew responds, "Others of us believe that the church would be far better off to take its historic message seriously, translate that message into terms the culture can understand, and live it out credibly."
This is not "whatever."
Cast
Narrator
Peter Politics
Rev. Albert Allthings
Crowd (2-5 people)
Paul the Apostle
Props/Costumes
Crowd Signs -- "Citizens Against Whatever"
"Citizens For Whatever"
"The Church Of Whatever"
(Narrator is at podium, stage left)
Narrator: Paul the Apostle says that he became all things to all people. What does that mean, exactly?
(Peter Politics enters stage right, followed by Crowd carrying signs: "Citizens Against Whatever")
Narrator: Take Peter Politics, for instance ... please take him!
Peter: Mah fellow Amer'cans, I'm here to tell you that I am solidly, four-square against "Whatever"! If I am elected, I promise that I will be your bulwark and shield against "Whatever." Vote for Peter Politics, and you'll be safe from that godless "Whatever"! Remember: Peter Politics is God's Man in Washington.
Crowd: Pee-ter! Pee-ter! Pee-ter!
(Crowd exits stage left; Peter remains on stage)
Peter: Whew! I guess I got rid of those fanatics!
(Crowd enters stage left, carrying signs: "Citizens For Whatever")
Crowd: Whatever Forever! Whatever Forever! Whatever Forever!
Peter: Oooops! Um ... Mah fellow Amer'cans, I have one word for you (Spreads out his arms, as if looking for a hug) ... "Whatever!"
Crowd: Whatever Forever! Whatever Forever! Whatever Forever! (Members hug Peter and slap him on the back approvingly)
Narrator: Yo, Pete! Didn't you just get through saying you would be "the bulwark and shield against Whatever"?
Peter: Yeah. So what's your point?
Narrator: Isn't the point kind of obvious? In the last minute and a half you have completely contradicted yourself. You made a 180-degree turn on Whatever. Doesn't that bother you, Peter?
Peter: Shoot, no! I am "all things to all people," whatever it takes to get me elected -- so I can serve the people of my district. Know-what-I'm-sayin'?
Narrator: Oh, we do know what you're sayin', Peter.
Peter: Well, then ...
(Peter moves upstage left; Crowd exits stage right)
Narrator: Well, I'm not sure that is what the Apostle meant when he said he was "all things to all people."
(Rev. Albert Allthings enters stage left; Crowd enters stage right)
Narrator: But here's another proponent of "all things." It's the Reverend Albert Allthings, an evangelical legend in his own mind.
Rev. Albert: Brethren and sistern, hear the word of God from the Reverend Albert Allthings. Jesus said, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." And I'm here to tell you, brethren and sistern, I take Jesus very seriously!
Crowd: Praise the Lord! Preach it, brother! Ay-men!
Rev. Albert: Yes, indeed! I'm here to tell you that, if a man (or a woman) will not confess Jesus as Lord and Savior, then, on that great gettin' up morning when that man (or that woman) stands before the Lord at his judgment seat, Jesus is gonna say, "I do not know you, sinner! Depart from me into the hellfire of eternal damnation."
Crowd: Ay-men! Bless you, Reverend Albert! You da man!
(Crowd exits stage right)
Rev. Albert: Whew! Well, I guess I satisfied them ol' fundamentalists.
(Crowd enters stage right, carrying signs: "The Church Of Whatever")
Rev. Albert: What ho? Who you be, friends?
Crowd Member #1: We be the Church of Whatever, that's who we be! And we're here to ask you about this Jesus of yours, who says he is the only way to God.
Rev. Albert: Well, now, hold on there a minute, my man. I didn't exactly say that.
Crowd Member #2: You didn't? Well, I could swear that's what I just heard you say, bro'.
Rev. Albert: W-e-e-e-e-l-l, now, that's not really what I meant, you know.
Crowd: It's not?
Rev. Albert: W-e-e-l-l ... not exactly. What I meant was, er ... What I meant was ... (rapidly) God loves you, okay?
Crowd: Okay!
Rev. Albert: Right! And God wants you to love him, okay?
Crowd: Okay!
Rev. Albert: And ... (Speaks this very quickly) Whatever-ya-do-to-say-ya-love-God-is-cool, okay?
Crowd: Okay! Way cool! Praise God. Ay-men, brother!
(Crowd gathers around Rev. Albert, slapping high-fives. Crowd then exits stage right; Rev. Albert moves upstage right)
Rev. Albert: Whew! Yeah. Praise God.
Narrator: So, is this what Saint Paul meant by "becoming all things to all people"?
(Paul the Apostle enters down center aisle)
Paul: Not!
Narrator: And you are ...?
Paul: Saul of Tarsus.
Narrator: I see. And what do you have to say to us, sir?
Paul: I have something to say to you about "becoming all things to all people."
Narrator: And what might that be?
Paul: (Points upstage to Peter and Rev. Albert) It is not "whatever"!
Peter and Rev. Albert: Huh?
Paul: When I said that I had "become all things to all people," I meant that I did this in order to work toward the salvation of all persons I met. I did not mean that I would compromise my principles in order to win favor or sell myself.
Peter and Rev. Albert: Oh.
Paul: For me -- and for all Christians -- becoming "all things to all people"Òmeans steadfastly proclaiming the gospel.
Peter and Rev. Albert: But how --
Paul: By listening and being sensitive to the particular attitudes and needs of each individual whom I encounter!
Peter: But that's just what I'm doin'!
Paul: Excuse me, Peter, but that's not what you are doing. You are changing your whole message to fit whatever you think your different audiences want to hear. We Christians become all things to all people for a reason -- to bring others to Christ -- but we never change our basic message.
Peter: Well, I'll never get elected if I do that ...
Paul: Excuse me again, Peter, but we're not really interested in getting elected.
Peter: ... and if I don't get elected, I'll never get the chance to do the good things I want to do.
Paul: And those good things are ... what, Peter?
Peter: Er, um ... well, getting my legislative agenda ... er, I mean God's agenda -- through Congress. Know-what-I'm-sayin'?
Paul: No, I guess I don't know what you're saying, Peter. Do you?
Rev. Albert: Oh, fer-Pete's-sake, don't pay any attention to him, Mr. Apostle! He's just a scumbag politician.
Paul: I'd watch the judgmental attitude if I were you, Albert.
Rev. Albert: Harrumph! Well, now I suppose you're going to tell me that I've been a bad boy, just because I'm trying to save souls.
Paul: I'm not telling you that you're a bad boy, Albert. But I am saying that compromising the gospel is not what I meant by "becoming all things to all people, that I might by all means save some."
Rev. Albert: Hey, whatever!
Paul: Whatever what, Albert?
Rev. Albert: Whatever gets the job done, Pablo.
Paul: But you're not getting the job done, Alberto!
Rev. Albert: Huh?
Paul: You're telling people that it doesn't really matter what they believe ... and the Christian faith is that it matters very much what you believe!
Rev. Albert: But how am I supposed to tell that to those "Whatever" fanatics, Paul? They don't want to hear that!
Paul: But they have to hear it!
Rev. Albert: But how?
Paul: I'll say it again: "I have become all things to all people, that I might by all means save some." And that means ...
First: that I will never compromise the gospel message, because my goal is to bring people to salvation; and
Second: that I will proclaim the gospel by listening and being sensitive to the particular attitudes and needs of every person I meet.
Rev. Albert: So ... if you meet a person of the Muslim faith, Paul, do you become a Muslim?
Paul: May it never be! But what I will do is to listen to that person, treat him as a brother (or sister), respond to him with the unconditional love of Jesus, and trust that God -- not Paul -- will lead him to a saving knowledge of Christ.
Peter and Rev. Albert: What does that mean for us, Paul?
Paul: It means: "Go and do likewise."
(Peter and Rev. Albert turn to leave)
Paul: And, guys?
Peter and Rev. Albert: Huh?
Paul: Think about integrity!
Peter and Rev. Albert: Huh?
Paul: "Do it all for the sake of the gospel" ... and you know what?
Peter and Rev. Albert: No, what?
Paul: You will share in its blessings! So give it a try, okay?
Peter and Rev. Albert: Okay, Paul, we'll try. (Exit stage right)
Paul: That's all God asks of us. (Bows and exits left)
