Ooo Boy!
Sermon
Time's Up!
Sermons For Advent, Christmas And Epiphany
I don't know what started the argument. I don't know if anyone really knows what started the argument. In all honesty, it doesn't matter. I think we all know that most arguments never end up where they end up because of where they started. It might have started over some disagreement over the children. It might have begun over something about the in-laws, or perhaps it was her cooking again. Who knows. But it really doesn't matter how it started, what matters is that it has suddenly gotten very quiet in the room.
They sit staring at each other across the table with a lOok in their eyes that frightens them both. He takes a deep breath, pushes himself back from the table, stands and walks out the door. Not a word is spoken. Minutes later he comes back in the door, this time with two of his friends. He walks over, sits down at the table, takes a piece of paper and a pencil from his pocket and begins to write. When he is finished, he puts the pencil back in his pocket and slides the note across the table to his wife. She opens it and reads, "I, Reuben, divorce you, Elizabeth." Their eyes meet again, just for a second, and he stands. And it is done. It is over. It is legal. They are divorced.
According to the old law, as we can still read in the Mishnah, a man can divorce his wife simply by writing the words of divorce on a piece of paper and handing it to his wife in the presence of two witnesses. And it is done.
Oh, it is sad. It ended for them so differently than it had begun. It is sad because the Jewish people of the first century had such a high regard for marriage. Marriage between man and woman was something that was in God's hands. It was sacred, holy and good.
What has happened? How has it come to a point where all a man need do is scribble words on paper and it is done? If marriage is so sacred, what has happened?
Rome has happened. But in all honesty, I can't blame it all on Rome because the Roman Empire began with a vision of marriage almost higher than that of the Jewish nation. To the Romans, in the beginning, marriage was so sacred that for the first 500 years of the empire, there was not one recorded divorce. Five hundred years, no divorce. But then something began to change.
What happened was the Greeks. The Roman Empire militarily defeated the Greek Empire. The richness of the old Greek culture began to assimilate into the young Roman Empire. The Greeks were defeated militarily, but not morally. It was the Greek viewpoint toward marriage that began to bring change.
To the Greeks there were three kinds of women. There were the courtesans, the concubines and the wives. Top of the line were the courtesans. They were the most highly respected of women. They were the finest dressed, finest educated, the finest companion for a man. These were the women you would take with you to a business convention and wanted to make a good impression. Take your beautiful courtesan with you and enjoy her beauty, wit and intelligence. She was there to make you happy and successful. But she was not your wife.
Secondly was the concubine. She was there to live with. She was for pleasure at home and to bring you a smile after a long, difficult day. She was entertainment. She did not carry the status of the courtesan, yet was an important woman in her man's life. But she was not your wife.
Finally, ranking somewhere below the other two, was the wife. The wife was the most highly protected and treasured of the three. She was so highly protected and treasured that she was rarely ever allowed to leave the home and risk contamination by the outside world. She stayed at home in her role of caring for the household. She raised the children. She kept things together. She was the center of it all, but the center of it all is not always a good place to be.
It was not only accepted, but expected, that in addition to a wife, the Greek husband would have the concubines and the courtesan. It was expected that the Greek husband would be unfaithful to his wife. But it wasn't really unfaithfulness, it was "just the way things were done."
The Greeks had the ideal of marriage that every husband would be loyal to one wife. That was the ideal, the way it should be done. But they all knew it just wasn't reality. That was just not the way it was being done, and even if it was the way it ought to be, sometimes reality isn't ideal. Could we really expect people to change to fit some dream? There were years and years of tradition behind this. Rome defeated the Greeks militarily, but not morally. The longer the Greek Empire touched the Roman Empire, the more the morals of the Greeks became the morals of the Romans. And as Rome spread its authority over the Israelites, the more the morals of the Romans became the morals of the Jews. The Jews had their ideals of marriage. They remembered the old laws. The rabbis still taught the old laws to their disciples, who would teach them to theirs. They all knew the ideal "One husband has one wife, for life." They believed in the ideal. But, they also knew that ideals are seldom really attained.
So within this very loyal Jewish theology, two schools began to develop. The followers of Rabbi Shammai believed that the ideal was worth fighting for, and that the only possible ground for divorce was unfaithfulness. If husband or wife was ever unfaithful to the other, then the other partner was free to divorce. That was the only ground. This group was respected for their idealistic views, but laughed at as unrealistic and old fashioned.
The second school, that of Rabbi Hillel, focused on a passage from Deuteronomy 24 which says that a man shall divorce his wife on the grounds of unchastity, or "if she finds no favor in his eyes." It is a small line in chapter 24, but it was not little to Rabbi Hillel. From there it is pure interpretation. Divorce is acceptable in the case of unfaithfulness, or if the wife happened to put a bit too much salt in the evening meal. A woman using too much salt may not find favor in the eyes of her husband. Or perhaps, one afternoon during his walk through the marketplace, the husband sees an attractive young woman standing over by the oranges and tangerines. As he looks at her, he pictures in his mind his wife of 23 years who has given him seven children, and looks nothing like the young thing before him. In his mind, his wife no longer holds the favor that this new vision holds. So, those are grounds for divorce. Oh, there were the old laws. But there were also loopholes. There were always loopholes.
Marriage became something different. It became something difficult, something uncertain. If the only way to end a marriage was unfaithfulness then you could remain faithful and feel fairly secure in your marriage, but if your marriage revolved around whether the husband happened to see some attractive, new young thing down the road, where is the security? Marriage became so uncertain that many young girls of the first century chose not to get married, rather than risk the uncertain future. It was believed that marriage was almost doomed to fail. "Most marriages fail, so why even begin?" The very tradition of family began to shake at its foundations. And it was more than that. Where do we teach the old stories of the faith? At the family table. Where do they hear of Abraham and Isaac? At the family table. The foundations of the family, and of the kingdom itself, were being threatened with destruction.
Into that Jesus walks to the side of a hill one sunny morning. As he talks and explains his beliefs and understandings, he says, "You have heard it said that whoever divorces his wife let him give her a certificate of divorce and it is done. But I say to you, that whoever, anyone, who divorces his wife, except on the grounds of unchastity, makes her an adultress."
Ooo boy! Now, the question. Is he serious? This is difficult preaching here. There are people in every congregation that this touches. Is he really saying what I think he's saying? We might be better off to just skip this passage, and many times we have done just that. Other times we have used this passage as a club to pound people over the head with guilt. Most of the time we simply shake our heads and walk away, confused.
But I believe there is an answer. To find it you have to listen a little longer to what Jesus says. He doesn't stop talking and sit down after he talks about marriage. He goes on to say, "And the same goes for all those other oaths and promises you make. You make vows in the name of Jerusalem, or in the name of Israel, or in the name of Abraham. No more! Don't swear by these." Everyone knew very well that any vow made in one of these names could be broken. They were promises that were kept unless something else, more favorable, came up. He said, "Forget all this breaking of vows and promises, whether it is in business, or in marriage. Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No' be 'No.' In my Father's kingdom anything else is simply unacceptable."
The issue here is not only marriage, but your "word." In a marriage relationship, or in business, or in living day-to-day with the people around you, your "word" must stand. Relationships will be broken and end, that is reality. But the follower of Jesus Christ will not be the cause.
Difficult words!
They sit staring at each other across the table with a lOok in their eyes that frightens them both. He takes a deep breath, pushes himself back from the table, stands and walks out the door. Not a word is spoken. Minutes later he comes back in the door, this time with two of his friends. He walks over, sits down at the table, takes a piece of paper and a pencil from his pocket and begins to write. When he is finished, he puts the pencil back in his pocket and slides the note across the table to his wife. She opens it and reads, "I, Reuben, divorce you, Elizabeth." Their eyes meet again, just for a second, and he stands. And it is done. It is over. It is legal. They are divorced.
According to the old law, as we can still read in the Mishnah, a man can divorce his wife simply by writing the words of divorce on a piece of paper and handing it to his wife in the presence of two witnesses. And it is done.
Oh, it is sad. It ended for them so differently than it had begun. It is sad because the Jewish people of the first century had such a high regard for marriage. Marriage between man and woman was something that was in God's hands. It was sacred, holy and good.
What has happened? How has it come to a point where all a man need do is scribble words on paper and it is done? If marriage is so sacred, what has happened?
Rome has happened. But in all honesty, I can't blame it all on Rome because the Roman Empire began with a vision of marriage almost higher than that of the Jewish nation. To the Romans, in the beginning, marriage was so sacred that for the first 500 years of the empire, there was not one recorded divorce. Five hundred years, no divorce. But then something began to change.
What happened was the Greeks. The Roman Empire militarily defeated the Greek Empire. The richness of the old Greek culture began to assimilate into the young Roman Empire. The Greeks were defeated militarily, but not morally. It was the Greek viewpoint toward marriage that began to bring change.
To the Greeks there were three kinds of women. There were the courtesans, the concubines and the wives. Top of the line were the courtesans. They were the most highly respected of women. They were the finest dressed, finest educated, the finest companion for a man. These were the women you would take with you to a business convention and wanted to make a good impression. Take your beautiful courtesan with you and enjoy her beauty, wit and intelligence. She was there to make you happy and successful. But she was not your wife.
Secondly was the concubine. She was there to live with. She was for pleasure at home and to bring you a smile after a long, difficult day. She was entertainment. She did not carry the status of the courtesan, yet was an important woman in her man's life. But she was not your wife.
Finally, ranking somewhere below the other two, was the wife. The wife was the most highly protected and treasured of the three. She was so highly protected and treasured that she was rarely ever allowed to leave the home and risk contamination by the outside world. She stayed at home in her role of caring for the household. She raised the children. She kept things together. She was the center of it all, but the center of it all is not always a good place to be.
It was not only accepted, but expected, that in addition to a wife, the Greek husband would have the concubines and the courtesan. It was expected that the Greek husband would be unfaithful to his wife. But it wasn't really unfaithfulness, it was "just the way things were done."
The Greeks had the ideal of marriage that every husband would be loyal to one wife. That was the ideal, the way it should be done. But they all knew it just wasn't reality. That was just not the way it was being done, and even if it was the way it ought to be, sometimes reality isn't ideal. Could we really expect people to change to fit some dream? There were years and years of tradition behind this. Rome defeated the Greeks militarily, but not morally. The longer the Greek Empire touched the Roman Empire, the more the morals of the Greeks became the morals of the Romans. And as Rome spread its authority over the Israelites, the more the morals of the Romans became the morals of the Jews. The Jews had their ideals of marriage. They remembered the old laws. The rabbis still taught the old laws to their disciples, who would teach them to theirs. They all knew the ideal "One husband has one wife, for life." They believed in the ideal. But, they also knew that ideals are seldom really attained.
So within this very loyal Jewish theology, two schools began to develop. The followers of Rabbi Shammai believed that the ideal was worth fighting for, and that the only possible ground for divorce was unfaithfulness. If husband or wife was ever unfaithful to the other, then the other partner was free to divorce. That was the only ground. This group was respected for their idealistic views, but laughed at as unrealistic and old fashioned.
The second school, that of Rabbi Hillel, focused on a passage from Deuteronomy 24 which says that a man shall divorce his wife on the grounds of unchastity, or "if she finds no favor in his eyes." It is a small line in chapter 24, but it was not little to Rabbi Hillel. From there it is pure interpretation. Divorce is acceptable in the case of unfaithfulness, or if the wife happened to put a bit too much salt in the evening meal. A woman using too much salt may not find favor in the eyes of her husband. Or perhaps, one afternoon during his walk through the marketplace, the husband sees an attractive young woman standing over by the oranges and tangerines. As he looks at her, he pictures in his mind his wife of 23 years who has given him seven children, and looks nothing like the young thing before him. In his mind, his wife no longer holds the favor that this new vision holds. So, those are grounds for divorce. Oh, there were the old laws. But there were also loopholes. There were always loopholes.
Marriage became something different. It became something difficult, something uncertain. If the only way to end a marriage was unfaithfulness then you could remain faithful and feel fairly secure in your marriage, but if your marriage revolved around whether the husband happened to see some attractive, new young thing down the road, where is the security? Marriage became so uncertain that many young girls of the first century chose not to get married, rather than risk the uncertain future. It was believed that marriage was almost doomed to fail. "Most marriages fail, so why even begin?" The very tradition of family began to shake at its foundations. And it was more than that. Where do we teach the old stories of the faith? At the family table. Where do they hear of Abraham and Isaac? At the family table. The foundations of the family, and of the kingdom itself, were being threatened with destruction.
Into that Jesus walks to the side of a hill one sunny morning. As he talks and explains his beliefs and understandings, he says, "You have heard it said that whoever divorces his wife let him give her a certificate of divorce and it is done. But I say to you, that whoever, anyone, who divorces his wife, except on the grounds of unchastity, makes her an adultress."
Ooo boy! Now, the question. Is he serious? This is difficult preaching here. There are people in every congregation that this touches. Is he really saying what I think he's saying? We might be better off to just skip this passage, and many times we have done just that. Other times we have used this passage as a club to pound people over the head with guilt. Most of the time we simply shake our heads and walk away, confused.
But I believe there is an answer. To find it you have to listen a little longer to what Jesus says. He doesn't stop talking and sit down after he talks about marriage. He goes on to say, "And the same goes for all those other oaths and promises you make. You make vows in the name of Jerusalem, or in the name of Israel, or in the name of Abraham. No more! Don't swear by these." Everyone knew very well that any vow made in one of these names could be broken. They were promises that were kept unless something else, more favorable, came up. He said, "Forget all this breaking of vows and promises, whether it is in business, or in marriage. Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No' be 'No.' In my Father's kingdom anything else is simply unacceptable."
The issue here is not only marriage, but your "word." In a marriage relationship, or in business, or in living day-to-day with the people around you, your "word" must stand. Relationships will be broken and end, that is reality. But the follower of Jesus Christ will not be the cause.
Difficult words!
