Offering
Humor
Why Didn't Noah Swat Both Mosquitoes?
Plus Other Humorous Stories For Clergy
A certain church was taking a missionary offering. As the
plate was passed to one dour-faced man, he growled, "I don't
believe in missions."
The usher replied, "Well, then take some out, brother, this
offering is for the heathen."
Lynn H. Rupert
They were taking the annual pre-Christmas offering for the
poor and needy. The pastor took one look at the offering plate as
it was returning to the altar, then he looked over the people and
inquired, "Will the real Ebenezer Scrooge please stand up?"
Charles Cartwright had a cartoon which showed the minister
about to receive the offering. He said, "And now, brothers and
sisters, let us all give in accordance with what we reported on
Form 1040, IRS."
I heard this well-travelled story about the Roman Catholic
Bishop of Akron, Ohio. He was seated next to an IRS official at a
banquet. The man said to the bishop, "It must bring you a lot of
joy and satisfaction to receive such large contributions as Mr
____________ gives your diocese." He named a high official in one
of the rubber companies.
The bishop looked a bit startled, and asked who did he say it
was.
69
The IRS man again named the man, and said, "He did give you
diocese $10,000 last year, didn't he?"
"No," said the bishop, "but he will, he will!"
H.R.
The pastor walked into the vestry and was shocked to find his
wife with both hands in the collection plate.
"Ethel," he shouted, "what in the world do you think you're
doing?"
His wife replied, "I'm looking for a button to sew on your
coat."
A story out of my boyhood as a PK: four boys were bragging
about their father's income. The doctor's son said that his
father would work a few minutes in the operating room and receive
a thousand dollars. The investment banker's son said that his
father could take a few minutes in making some stock purchases
and he would get $2,000 profit within the hour. The lawyer's son
said his father could go to court for a few days and come out
with $10,000. But the preacher's kid said that every Sunday his
father stood up and made a little speech and then took an
offering and it took eight men to carry it out."
H.R.
Church sign: "The Lord loveth a cheerful giver, but he also
accepteth from a mean old grouch."
Grit
Before the offering, the minister announced, "I have noticed a
man in the congregation who has been flirting with a member of
the choir throughout the service. Unless I find a $5 bill in the
offering plate, I will be tempted to tell his wife." When they
counted the offering in the little church, there were seven $5
bills.
Several versions of this
plate was passed to one dour-faced man, he growled, "I don't
believe in missions."
The usher replied, "Well, then take some out, brother, this
offering is for the heathen."
Lynn H. Rupert
They were taking the annual pre-Christmas offering for the
poor and needy. The pastor took one look at the offering plate as
it was returning to the altar, then he looked over the people and
inquired, "Will the real Ebenezer Scrooge please stand up?"
Charles Cartwright had a cartoon which showed the minister
about to receive the offering. He said, "And now, brothers and
sisters, let us all give in accordance with what we reported on
Form 1040, IRS."
I heard this well-travelled story about the Roman Catholic
Bishop of Akron, Ohio. He was seated next to an IRS official at a
banquet. The man said to the bishop, "It must bring you a lot of
joy and satisfaction to receive such large contributions as Mr
____________ gives your diocese." He named a high official in one
of the rubber companies.
The bishop looked a bit startled, and asked who did he say it
was.
69
The IRS man again named the man, and said, "He did give you
diocese $10,000 last year, didn't he?"
"No," said the bishop, "but he will, he will!"
H.R.
The pastor walked into the vestry and was shocked to find his
wife with both hands in the collection plate.
"Ethel," he shouted, "what in the world do you think you're
doing?"
His wife replied, "I'm looking for a button to sew on your
coat."
A story out of my boyhood as a PK: four boys were bragging
about their father's income. The doctor's son said that his
father would work a few minutes in the operating room and receive
a thousand dollars. The investment banker's son said that his
father could take a few minutes in making some stock purchases
and he would get $2,000 profit within the hour. The lawyer's son
said his father could go to court for a few days and come out
with $10,000. But the preacher's kid said that every Sunday his
father stood up and made a little speech and then took an
offering and it took eight men to carry it out."
H.R.
Church sign: "The Lord loveth a cheerful giver, but he also
accepteth from a mean old grouch."
Grit
Before the offering, the minister announced, "I have noticed a
man in the congregation who has been flirting with a member of
the choir throughout the service. Unless I find a $5 bill in the
offering plate, I will be tempted to tell his wife." When they
counted the offering in the little church, there were seven $5
bills.
Several versions of this
