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One evening, when I was 26 years old, beleagered by guilt for acknowledged sins, I was deep into an hour-long prayer of repentance. In despair, I grieved that I had broken the commandments and that I was not worthy of God's love.

Near me lay the Bible, unused and unfamiliar. I had never, ever read from the Bible. Yet my hands reached out and took the Bible to open it. I knew not where, nor why. But my hands knew the way. They opened to John 15:9-11 and as my eyes began to read, my mind knew the meaning with clarity. My eyes read verse 10 first:

"If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love."

Next I saw verse 9:

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you: Continue ye in my love."

Then I continued with verse 11:

"These things I have spoken to you that my joy might remain in you, and your joy might be complete."


Even as I was assimilating this message, I became distinctly aware of a Presence. I marveled at this feeling and my awareness became intense. Fearing that the Presence would not be real, I dared to lift my eyes from the Bible. The Presence remained and lifted my spirit until I felt an inner gladness that was wonderful.

The Presence itself was vague and human-size. I could not see it, though I looked directly at it and knew it was there. The effect of the Presence was all around me.

Still testing the reality, I looked at the Bible and read the verses of John 15:9-11 again. I tried to read verses 12 and 13 or verse 8, then verse 12 again, but those words were blurred to my vision. My eyes could see only verses 9, 10 and 11, so I reread these verses again in the order they had been presented to me, to accept and instill what I recognized as an answer to my prayers. And still the Presence was around me, absolute. I knew it was Jesus, absolutely.

My perception of the Presence remained with me for several minutes after Jesus was gone. My conception of joy was sustained.

This event changed my life. I never again have questioned whether I am forgiven. I feel secure in God's love. I trust the Spirit of Jesus' presence. I believe and trust in prayer. I try to have my prayers include listening. I live life with a comprehension of the wonder.

As I have read and studied the Bible in the many years beyond this episode, the same message seems clearly evident for all who read to see, for those who pray to know, and for all who love to be.

Through some years of spiritual drought, when I searched in vain for relief in prayer, and through a long depression, when I liked myself less and less, I never did lose my faith. That in itself is part of the wonder. I remembered the Presence I knew and the gift message I had received.

We can know God loves us. We can trust God hears our prayers. We can feel the presence of Jesus, and so we can live in joy.

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Author's note:

Dorothy Kraemer was a long-time, faithful member of Wauwatosa Avenue United Methodist Church in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin. This story, written in her own words, was read at her memorial service at the church on September 1, 1995. On July 13, a few weeks before her death, she wrote of the moon she had observed that evening through the window by her hospital bed:

... a couple of hours later the moon was still there, lower in the sky, and paled, yet ever so serene, still watching, always watching me. Or was it a lifetime that had passed in the night? And the moon represented our lives gone by together? If that is so, the end is near because a dawning blue was creeping into the heaven. It would not be long now. I looked at the low hanging moon and marveled at its peace. Then I fell asleep.