Antidotes For "Perfectionism"
Sermon
Life Injections
Connecting Scripture to the Human Experience
Object:
... shake off the dust that is on your feet...
It is one thing to seek perfection but it is another thing to make it an obsession.
_________
A man was searching for the perfect wife. He moved in circles where he could meet a lot of women and every once in a while he came upon someone whom he thought fit the bill, only to discover that she wasn't quite up to snuff. One could cook, but her looks weren't all that great. One was pretty, but she wasn't all that wholesome. One was talented, but her personality left much to be desired. Finally, he came upon someone whom he deemed the perfect wife. He was ecstatic. His search was finally over. With great haste, he asked her to marry him. To his great horror, she refused. When he asked her why, she said it was simple. She was looking for the perfect husband.
That story, told by Doctor Bernie Siegel, touches upon something about which we're often preoccupied -- perfection. Far too many of us have an intense notion that we have to be perfect, that everything has to be perfect, that we can't make a mistake, that to fail is anathema, that winning is everything. Certainly it's admirable and good that we seek perfection, but unfortunately for many of us it has become an obsession; it has made us intolerant of mistakes or failures in ourselves or in others. Here are some antidotes to the growing disease of "perfectionism."
First of all we need to realize that perfection is beyond us. Antique oriental carpets have a small flaw woven into them by their Muslim makers. They purposely leave a stitch undone because perfection, they say, belongs only to God. Orthodox Jews leave a small patch unpainted in a freshly painted room because they believe to be perfect is not of this world. Because those are practices not of our culture, we seldom have that point driven home to us as often as it should be. The reality is that perfection is indeed reserved for God.
Secondly, we need to remember that things of exquisite beauty, things we call great, are often not perfect. Not too long ago in Detroit, two Rembrandt paintings were shown. One of the local reviewers said that he thought one of them was a fake. Experts were called to examine it, and it was determined that one picture was in fact a fake, not a genuine Rembrandt. When the experts were asked how they could arrive at that conclusion, they said, "Well, when Rembrandt painted, there were many mistakes in his pictures which he then covered over. There were no mistakes in the one we looked at. It was too perfect to be a Rembrandt."
We often deem masterpieces as perfect paintings, but the reality is that although they may seem perfect at first glance, a closer examination will often reveal the little mistakes the painter covered over before unveiling the finished product.
That leads to the third antidote for "perfectionism." Anyone who has achieved any success in life, anyone who has achieved any sort of alleged perfection in life, did so only on the heels of multiple mistakes and failures.
A story is told about a boy named Sparky. For Sparky, school was all but impossible. He failed every subject in the eighth grade. He flunked physics in high school. Receiving a flat zero in the course, he distinguished himself as the worst physics student in the school's history. Sparky also flunked Latin, Algebra, and English. He didn't do much better in sports. Although he did manage to make the school's golf team, he promptly lost the only important match of the season. There was a consolation match. He lost that, too. You could call Sparky a first-class loser, and so he was tabbed by those who knew him.
Now Sparky had one talent, and he knew it. That was drawing. Not letting the loser label get him down, he pursued a career in drawing, only to meet with further failure. One studio after another rejected his drawings. Finally he received some interest from Walt Disney who suggested that he draw a series of cartoons. He did so, but they were ultimately rejected. Exasperated but undaunted, he decided to write his own autobiography in cartoon. He described his childhood self, a little boy loser. He sent it to a publisher who decided to print it. The cartoon character would soon become famous worldwide. Sparky, the boy who failed every subject in grade school, was none other than Charles Schulz; the cartoon boy he painted was Charlie Brown of Peanuts fame whose kite never could fly and who never seemed to succeed in kicking a football.
And if you think Charles Schulz had a track record of failure and rejection, check out this person's dossier:
When he was 22 years old, a business he started went broke. The following year he tried his hand at politics but was defeated in his attempt to win a seat in the state legislature. He attempted again to start a business. It failed. The following year he finally was elected only to have a girl he was fond of and planning to marry get sick and eventually die. He lost his re-election bid.
I could go on with other failures and rejections. The person I'm talking about is Abraham Lincoln, one of the greatest presidents this nation has ever known.
Of course, we all know that elderly gentleman who drove around the country sleeping in his car looking for someone to back him in a business venture. He received 1,009 "no's," before he finally got a "yes." It was then that Colonel Sanders opened up a restaurant that sold fried chicken. If you were to pull the files on the most successful people this country has known, you would find a track record of multiple mistakes and failures.
That leads to the fourth antidote for "perfectionism" -- the realization that it is far better to risk a mistake or to chance a failure than it is to be perfect or successful.
A few years ago, Thomas Peters and Robert Waterman went exploring America's best-run companies. They would later pen the book In Search of Excellence.1 One of their paradoxical discoveries was that those companies which are most demanding of success and least tolerant of failure are companies with rather mediocre records. The best-run companies, on the other hand, encourage failure. One top-rated CEO had among his commandments for employees: "Make sure you generate a reasonable amount of mistakes." Think about it: If nine out of ten experimental products are failures, the company must generate 27 blunders to place three profitable products on the market.
Carrying that thought to another area of competition, think for a moment about that famous "Dream Basketball Team" of the 1992 Olympics when Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, and a whole host of NBA all-stars rolled over all the competition. They had a perfect record. They were successful. They won the gold. But I doubt if many of us thought much about that success or perfection. Their competition was a joke. There was no team they couldn't destroy without working up a sweat. We would have thought more of them if they played talent of similar caliber and lost.
Some of us have never failed. We've been perfect. But that is only because we have not attempted much, only because we've never been stretched. Like that "Dream Team," all of our accomplishments have been well within our capability. Some of us would be better human beings if we failed, if we had given our efforts to something beyond our reach, if we had given our efforts to something so demanding that it took all we had and then asked for more. Yes, it is far better to risk a mistake, to chance a failure, than it is to be perfect or successful. At least you can hold your head high.
The fifth antidote for "perfectionism" is keeping things in perspective. The Buffalo Bills are about to break training camp and isn't it a pity that so many people only seem to dwell on the four Super Bowl losses and not the tremendous achievement of getting there four consecutive times. We have a bad habit of obsessing over a failure and not seeing all that was accomplished over and above the failure.
M. Scott Peck talks about his counseling sessions with people who have divorced after a long marriage. He says they always have a habit of thinking themselves a failure. They berate themselves for having made the wrong choice of a mate. They feel that all those years have been wasted. What Peck tries to remind them is that they leave their marriage with far greater mental and psychological strength than when they began their marriage. They learned to become loving parents to children with whom they still have a good relationship. Although they may have failed, a lot of good was accomplished.
That brings me at long last to the inspiration for my antidotes to perfectionism, and that's our Gospel. Jesus is sending his disciples out to preach the gospel. In his instructions he tells them up front not to expect perfection. He says there will be towns and villages where they're going to flop, where they will bungle the operation, where things aren't going to go well. He said if that happens, "Don't worry about it! It's not the end of the world. Shake the dust from your feet and move on." What he wanted his disciples to realize is that it's okay to strike out in their efforts to preach the gospel.
For all you perfectionists out there, we welcome your thirst for perfection, but if it's gone too far, here are some antidotes: First of all, keep uppermost in your minds the fact known by Muslim carpet makers and Jewish painters -- true perfection is beyond this world. It is reserved only for God. Second, remember that things of exquisite beauty, things labeled great, often are not perfect. If a painting is too perfect, it can't be a Rembrandt. Third, realize that the Charles Schulzs, the Abraham Lincolns, the Colonel Sanders of this world, those who have enjoyed much success, realize that most, if not all, have had track records of multiple mistakes and failures and rejections. Fourth, if you're obsessed with perfection, remember that it is better to risk a failure, to chance a mistake, than it is to be perfect or successful. Companies which enjoy excellence today live by that standard. People who can lift their heads high are more often those who have tried and failed than those whose success comes easy. Fifth, keep things in perspective. Don't discount the work and achievement prior to the failure. Lastly, remember that when all is said and done, you'll make your mark not by whether or not you were perfect but on how you lived your life.
Harry Emerson Fosdick put it well when he compared men and women to flagstaffs. Some flagstaffs are very tall and prominent, and some are small, but the glory of a flagstaff is not its size but the colors that it flies. A very small flagstaff flying the right colors is far more valuable than a very tall one with the wrong flag. When a man or woman is altogether done with life, the most satisfying thing would be the ability to say, "I'm ashamed that I was not a better, taller, straighter, more perfect flagstaff, but I'm not ashamed of the colors that I flew."
It is okay to seek perfection, but it is not okay to be obsessed with perfection. You're going to make mistakes and you're going to fail. Live with that reality. Shake the dust from your feet and move on. Remember, God is not interested in your won and lost record; God is interested in the colors that you fly.
____________
1. Thomas Peters and Robert Waterman, In Search of Excellence (New York: Harper & Row, 1982).
It is one thing to seek perfection but it is another thing to make it an obsession.
_________
A man was searching for the perfect wife. He moved in circles where he could meet a lot of women and every once in a while he came upon someone whom he thought fit the bill, only to discover that she wasn't quite up to snuff. One could cook, but her looks weren't all that great. One was pretty, but she wasn't all that wholesome. One was talented, but her personality left much to be desired. Finally, he came upon someone whom he deemed the perfect wife. He was ecstatic. His search was finally over. With great haste, he asked her to marry him. To his great horror, she refused. When he asked her why, she said it was simple. She was looking for the perfect husband.
That story, told by Doctor Bernie Siegel, touches upon something about which we're often preoccupied -- perfection. Far too many of us have an intense notion that we have to be perfect, that everything has to be perfect, that we can't make a mistake, that to fail is anathema, that winning is everything. Certainly it's admirable and good that we seek perfection, but unfortunately for many of us it has become an obsession; it has made us intolerant of mistakes or failures in ourselves or in others. Here are some antidotes to the growing disease of "perfectionism."
First of all we need to realize that perfection is beyond us. Antique oriental carpets have a small flaw woven into them by their Muslim makers. They purposely leave a stitch undone because perfection, they say, belongs only to God. Orthodox Jews leave a small patch unpainted in a freshly painted room because they believe to be perfect is not of this world. Because those are practices not of our culture, we seldom have that point driven home to us as often as it should be. The reality is that perfection is indeed reserved for God.
Secondly, we need to remember that things of exquisite beauty, things we call great, are often not perfect. Not too long ago in Detroit, two Rembrandt paintings were shown. One of the local reviewers said that he thought one of them was a fake. Experts were called to examine it, and it was determined that one picture was in fact a fake, not a genuine Rembrandt. When the experts were asked how they could arrive at that conclusion, they said, "Well, when Rembrandt painted, there were many mistakes in his pictures which he then covered over. There were no mistakes in the one we looked at. It was too perfect to be a Rembrandt."
We often deem masterpieces as perfect paintings, but the reality is that although they may seem perfect at first glance, a closer examination will often reveal the little mistakes the painter covered over before unveiling the finished product.
That leads to the third antidote for "perfectionism." Anyone who has achieved any success in life, anyone who has achieved any sort of alleged perfection in life, did so only on the heels of multiple mistakes and failures.
A story is told about a boy named Sparky. For Sparky, school was all but impossible. He failed every subject in the eighth grade. He flunked physics in high school. Receiving a flat zero in the course, he distinguished himself as the worst physics student in the school's history. Sparky also flunked Latin, Algebra, and English. He didn't do much better in sports. Although he did manage to make the school's golf team, he promptly lost the only important match of the season. There was a consolation match. He lost that, too. You could call Sparky a first-class loser, and so he was tabbed by those who knew him.
Now Sparky had one talent, and he knew it. That was drawing. Not letting the loser label get him down, he pursued a career in drawing, only to meet with further failure. One studio after another rejected his drawings. Finally he received some interest from Walt Disney who suggested that he draw a series of cartoons. He did so, but they were ultimately rejected. Exasperated but undaunted, he decided to write his own autobiography in cartoon. He described his childhood self, a little boy loser. He sent it to a publisher who decided to print it. The cartoon character would soon become famous worldwide. Sparky, the boy who failed every subject in grade school, was none other than Charles Schulz; the cartoon boy he painted was Charlie Brown of Peanuts fame whose kite never could fly and who never seemed to succeed in kicking a football.
And if you think Charles Schulz had a track record of failure and rejection, check out this person's dossier:
When he was 22 years old, a business he started went broke. The following year he tried his hand at politics but was defeated in his attempt to win a seat in the state legislature. He attempted again to start a business. It failed. The following year he finally was elected only to have a girl he was fond of and planning to marry get sick and eventually die. He lost his re-election bid.
I could go on with other failures and rejections. The person I'm talking about is Abraham Lincoln, one of the greatest presidents this nation has ever known.
Of course, we all know that elderly gentleman who drove around the country sleeping in his car looking for someone to back him in a business venture. He received 1,009 "no's," before he finally got a "yes." It was then that Colonel Sanders opened up a restaurant that sold fried chicken. If you were to pull the files on the most successful people this country has known, you would find a track record of multiple mistakes and failures.
That leads to the fourth antidote for "perfectionism" -- the realization that it is far better to risk a mistake or to chance a failure than it is to be perfect or successful.
A few years ago, Thomas Peters and Robert Waterman went exploring America's best-run companies. They would later pen the book In Search of Excellence.1 One of their paradoxical discoveries was that those companies which are most demanding of success and least tolerant of failure are companies with rather mediocre records. The best-run companies, on the other hand, encourage failure. One top-rated CEO had among his commandments for employees: "Make sure you generate a reasonable amount of mistakes." Think about it: If nine out of ten experimental products are failures, the company must generate 27 blunders to place three profitable products on the market.
Carrying that thought to another area of competition, think for a moment about that famous "Dream Basketball Team" of the 1992 Olympics when Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, and a whole host of NBA all-stars rolled over all the competition. They had a perfect record. They were successful. They won the gold. But I doubt if many of us thought much about that success or perfection. Their competition was a joke. There was no team they couldn't destroy without working up a sweat. We would have thought more of them if they played talent of similar caliber and lost.
Some of us have never failed. We've been perfect. But that is only because we have not attempted much, only because we've never been stretched. Like that "Dream Team," all of our accomplishments have been well within our capability. Some of us would be better human beings if we failed, if we had given our efforts to something beyond our reach, if we had given our efforts to something so demanding that it took all we had and then asked for more. Yes, it is far better to risk a mistake, to chance a failure, than it is to be perfect or successful. At least you can hold your head high.
The fifth antidote for "perfectionism" is keeping things in perspective. The Buffalo Bills are about to break training camp and isn't it a pity that so many people only seem to dwell on the four Super Bowl losses and not the tremendous achievement of getting there four consecutive times. We have a bad habit of obsessing over a failure and not seeing all that was accomplished over and above the failure.
M. Scott Peck talks about his counseling sessions with people who have divorced after a long marriage. He says they always have a habit of thinking themselves a failure. They berate themselves for having made the wrong choice of a mate. They feel that all those years have been wasted. What Peck tries to remind them is that they leave their marriage with far greater mental and psychological strength than when they began their marriage. They learned to become loving parents to children with whom they still have a good relationship. Although they may have failed, a lot of good was accomplished.
That brings me at long last to the inspiration for my antidotes to perfectionism, and that's our Gospel. Jesus is sending his disciples out to preach the gospel. In his instructions he tells them up front not to expect perfection. He says there will be towns and villages where they're going to flop, where they will bungle the operation, where things aren't going to go well. He said if that happens, "Don't worry about it! It's not the end of the world. Shake the dust from your feet and move on." What he wanted his disciples to realize is that it's okay to strike out in their efforts to preach the gospel.
For all you perfectionists out there, we welcome your thirst for perfection, but if it's gone too far, here are some antidotes: First of all, keep uppermost in your minds the fact known by Muslim carpet makers and Jewish painters -- true perfection is beyond this world. It is reserved only for God. Second, remember that things of exquisite beauty, things labeled great, often are not perfect. If a painting is too perfect, it can't be a Rembrandt. Third, realize that the Charles Schulzs, the Abraham Lincolns, the Colonel Sanders of this world, those who have enjoyed much success, realize that most, if not all, have had track records of multiple mistakes and failures and rejections. Fourth, if you're obsessed with perfection, remember that it is better to risk a failure, to chance a mistake, than it is to be perfect or successful. Companies which enjoy excellence today live by that standard. People who can lift their heads high are more often those who have tried and failed than those whose success comes easy. Fifth, keep things in perspective. Don't discount the work and achievement prior to the failure. Lastly, remember that when all is said and done, you'll make your mark not by whether or not you were perfect but on how you lived your life.
Harry Emerson Fosdick put it well when he compared men and women to flagstaffs. Some flagstaffs are very tall and prominent, and some are small, but the glory of a flagstaff is not its size but the colors that it flies. A very small flagstaff flying the right colors is far more valuable than a very tall one with the wrong flag. When a man or woman is altogether done with life, the most satisfying thing would be the ability to say, "I'm ashamed that I was not a better, taller, straighter, more perfect flagstaff, but I'm not ashamed of the colors that I flew."
It is okay to seek perfection, but it is not okay to be obsessed with perfection. You're going to make mistakes and you're going to fail. Live with that reality. Shake the dust from your feet and move on. Remember, God is not interested in your won and lost record; God is interested in the colors that you fly.
____________
1. Thomas Peters and Robert Waterman, In Search of Excellence (New York: Harper & Row, 1982).
