The Marriage Covenant
Sermon
Britney Spears can now claim the shortest marriage on record. Apparently she and her childhood sweetheart Jason Alexander, went out for a drink together in Las Vegas. By the end of the evening they were searching for a convenient wedding chapel, then came the hunt for a licence followed immediately by the wedding ceremony itself at 5.30am. But in the cold light of day as soon as the courts opened, the two of them were granted an annulment.
It's an extreme example of the lack of importance attached to marriage in our modern Western society. Divorce has become so much easier that for some young couples, divorce is the solution of choice at the very first problem in the marriage. And many don't bother with marriage at all, so that if they should part, there are no legal difficulties in the way.
The Church teaches that marriage is an important institution which is preferable to living together without marriage, but is the Church right? Is marriage ordained by God or is it merely an institution dreamt up by human beings, which has outlived its usefulness?
Until the mid--18th century, marriage could be quite informal. Although most couples were married in church, many of them had already been living together in a private arrangement which was accepted by everybody as a bona fide marriage. As much as anything, the ceremony in church was to provide proof of the union so that any children who were born would be legitimate and they and the widow could inherit property without a huge legal battle to prove their entitlements. If the husband died before the church ceremony, any child of the union would be considered illegitimate even though the parents might have married privately.
It's clear from the Bible that marriage has been around for a long time and was regarded as the normal condition for adult life. Today's Old Testament reading from Isaiah 62 talks about a young man marrying a young woman. And when Jesus spoke about divorce some four centuries later, he spoke about God's arrangements at the beginning of time, when a man and a woman left their parents and became one flesh. But marriage in the Bible was rather different to a wedding in the Church of England today.
During Old Testament times polygamy was acceptable and practised by many men, especially high ranking officials. In addition to several wives, many men had concubines who enjoyed both a conjugal relationship with the head of the household and a certain social status.
The bride and groom were generally very young. Eventually the minimum age of twelve for girls and thirteen for boys became fixed, and marriages were arranged by the young couple's parents. Love was expected to grow after the marriage was consummated. The betrothal period usually lasted for a year, after a ceremony to make it official. During the betrothal the couple were regarded as husband and wife, but weren't expected to live together. The betrothal period was mainly for settling the finances, and so was largely about negotiating the size of the girl's dowry.
The wedding ceremony often lasted for a week or more and was an occasion for whole villages to have a wonderful party. The marriage was finally sealed by sexual intercourse, which took place in a special bridal chamber while the party continued all around. The bride and groom were then expected to emerge from the chamber with a blood--stained cloth as evidence of the bride's virginity and the consummation of the marriage.
Marriage was considered a life--long covenant, although there was provision for divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1). In fact, by the time of Jesus men had almost unlimited freedom to divorce their wives, although wives were virtually powerless to divorce their husbands. But women who had been divorced by their husbands were at least free to remarry and a part of the dowry had to be repaid.
In Biblical times and in the history of our own country, whether marriage was a private arrangement or initiated by a huge ceremony, it was basically expected to be for life. But life expectancy was very different until the latter part of the last century. Childbirth was hazardous for women and many women died during or shortly after giving birth, so marriages tended to be much shorter than they are today with much less need for divorce. But the commitment was regarded as so important that it's often used in the Bible as an analogy for faithfulness, and the use of prostitutes and harlots is regarded as the opposite, as an analogy for faithlessness.
In today's reading from Isaiah, God uses the analogy of marriage to express his deep feelings of love and faithfulness towards Israel. He says, "You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate; but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land Married; for the LORD delights in you, and your land shall be married. For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your builder marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you." God the builder, the Creator, regards himself as being in such a binding covenant with Israel that it's as though God is married to Israel.
Although today a marriage covenant may be regarded by some as a kind of imprisonment which is best avoided, the intention of the marriage covenant is to provide the strength of a bond when times are hard. Without a covenant it's too easy just to walk out when things become tough. With a covenant providing a framework to prevent a quick and easy walkout, it becomes easier to start the work of healing and repairing a marriage which has fallen on difficult times.
But the important thing in family relationships isn't really about going through a ceremony or signing a contract. It's about commitment and faithfulness. If a wedding ceremony make that commitment easier for a couple they should marry. If a wedding ceremony makes that commitment harder for a couple, perhaps they're better not to marry as long as they realise that they are committed to each other for life.
God is committed to human beings for life and God used marriage as an analogy of that commitment. If we are to enjoy the best out of life and out of our relationships, we too need to be fully committed to each other, and to God. Maybe one day, even Britney Spears will discover that.
It's an extreme example of the lack of importance attached to marriage in our modern Western society. Divorce has become so much easier that for some young couples, divorce is the solution of choice at the very first problem in the marriage. And many don't bother with marriage at all, so that if they should part, there are no legal difficulties in the way.
The Church teaches that marriage is an important institution which is preferable to living together without marriage, but is the Church right? Is marriage ordained by God or is it merely an institution dreamt up by human beings, which has outlived its usefulness?
Until the mid--18th century, marriage could be quite informal. Although most couples were married in church, many of them had already been living together in a private arrangement which was accepted by everybody as a bona fide marriage. As much as anything, the ceremony in church was to provide proof of the union so that any children who were born would be legitimate and they and the widow could inherit property without a huge legal battle to prove their entitlements. If the husband died before the church ceremony, any child of the union would be considered illegitimate even though the parents might have married privately.
It's clear from the Bible that marriage has been around for a long time and was regarded as the normal condition for adult life. Today's Old Testament reading from Isaiah 62 talks about a young man marrying a young woman. And when Jesus spoke about divorce some four centuries later, he spoke about God's arrangements at the beginning of time, when a man and a woman left their parents and became one flesh. But marriage in the Bible was rather different to a wedding in the Church of England today.
During Old Testament times polygamy was acceptable and practised by many men, especially high ranking officials. In addition to several wives, many men had concubines who enjoyed both a conjugal relationship with the head of the household and a certain social status.
The bride and groom were generally very young. Eventually the minimum age of twelve for girls and thirteen for boys became fixed, and marriages were arranged by the young couple's parents. Love was expected to grow after the marriage was consummated. The betrothal period usually lasted for a year, after a ceremony to make it official. During the betrothal the couple were regarded as husband and wife, but weren't expected to live together. The betrothal period was mainly for settling the finances, and so was largely about negotiating the size of the girl's dowry.
The wedding ceremony often lasted for a week or more and was an occasion for whole villages to have a wonderful party. The marriage was finally sealed by sexual intercourse, which took place in a special bridal chamber while the party continued all around. The bride and groom were then expected to emerge from the chamber with a blood--stained cloth as evidence of the bride's virginity and the consummation of the marriage.
Marriage was considered a life--long covenant, although there was provision for divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1). In fact, by the time of Jesus men had almost unlimited freedom to divorce their wives, although wives were virtually powerless to divorce their husbands. But women who had been divorced by their husbands were at least free to remarry and a part of the dowry had to be repaid.
In Biblical times and in the history of our own country, whether marriage was a private arrangement or initiated by a huge ceremony, it was basically expected to be for life. But life expectancy was very different until the latter part of the last century. Childbirth was hazardous for women and many women died during or shortly after giving birth, so marriages tended to be much shorter than they are today with much less need for divorce. But the commitment was regarded as so important that it's often used in the Bible as an analogy for faithfulness, and the use of prostitutes and harlots is regarded as the opposite, as an analogy for faithlessness.
In today's reading from Isaiah, God uses the analogy of marriage to express his deep feelings of love and faithfulness towards Israel. He says, "You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate; but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land Married; for the LORD delights in you, and your land shall be married. For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your builder marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you." God the builder, the Creator, regards himself as being in such a binding covenant with Israel that it's as though God is married to Israel.
Although today a marriage covenant may be regarded by some as a kind of imprisonment which is best avoided, the intention of the marriage covenant is to provide the strength of a bond when times are hard. Without a covenant it's too easy just to walk out when things become tough. With a covenant providing a framework to prevent a quick and easy walkout, it becomes easier to start the work of healing and repairing a marriage which has fallen on difficult times.
But the important thing in family relationships isn't really about going through a ceremony or signing a contract. It's about commitment and faithfulness. If a wedding ceremony make that commitment easier for a couple they should marry. If a wedding ceremony makes that commitment harder for a couple, perhaps they're better not to marry as long as they realise that they are committed to each other for life.
God is committed to human beings for life and God used marriage as an analogy of that commitment. If we are to enjoy the best out of life and out of our relationships, we too need to be fully committed to each other, and to God. Maybe one day, even Britney Spears will discover that.
