Dealing With The Changes Of Growing Up
Bible Study
A Faith For All Seasons
A Small Group Bible Study Of Life’s Changes
Object:
"We are fearfully and wonderfully made!" So say Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey in a book by that title. God ushers us into this world as screaming infants, but he surrounds us with people to love us and care for us. At birth, we are totally dependent upon our family for survival, but almost immediately, we begin the process of becoming independent. It is the very nature of childhood and adolescence.
There was a time when growing up was rather easy and uncomplicated. Everyone in the neighborhood knew us, and many pairs of eyes monitored our activities (remember the African proverb "It takes a village to raise a child"?). Most children spent all of their childhood years in the same house, and grandparents lived nearby. Many of us grew up wanting to follow in our parents' footsteps; boys wanted to pursue their fathers' occupations and girls wanted to grow up and be whatever their moms were. Our options were limited, our choices were few, and our futures were somewhat prescribed, but there was a sense of security about our lives.
Hello! It's a different world today! Children grow up faster now. They are certainly exposed to more temptations, and at a younger age, than ever before. Today's youth are generally not influenced by extended family, observant neighbors, or the guidance of school, church, and community, as they once were. Today, independence is accelerated by the fact of parents working away from home, and the unique schedules single-parent and blended families create. Finally, the availability of information through the internet has dramatically changed what adolescence is.
The purpose of this session is not to nostalgically reminisce about the good old days. Rather, it is an opportunity to recount the transitions we encountered in those formative years, and to understand how those changes shaped us. Also, this discussion is designed to grasp the transitions that today's young people endure (perhaps your children or your grandchildren?), and how we might draw near to them, and help them weather the storms of these potentially tumultuous years.
Graham Nash wrote some powerful lyrics concerning parenthood in his song, "Teach Your Children." His plea to "hippie" parents was to maintain a standard, a code, for their offspring. The plea was also to the children to be more tolerant and accepting of their parents, knowing that in the end they are loved.
Opening Prayer
God, you know the joy and delight of the growing up years; every day is filled with wonder and exciting new things. But these years can also be filled with frustration, loneliness, disobedience, and doubt. As we gather to reflect on our own childhoods, remind us of the people and events that made a difference, and then fill us with the desire to make the difference in the lives of young people today. Amen.
For Starters
Take a moment and think back to junior high school. Remember the house or apartment where you lived in those years? Now, describe your favorite room in that house. What were the colors, the smells; what was the lighting like? And finally, what made it so comfortable for you?
Or ... What was your favorite time of day when you were in high school? Why?
Or ... Who was the most influential person in your life when you were sixteen years old?
Isn't it amazing how vivid the details can become when we think about the past? It is an indication of just how impressionable we are at a very young age. Some of the thumbprints are positive; some are painful to recall. But many of them have contributed to who we are today. Now, consider the young ones in your circle today; they are equally impressionable. How significant to them is a word of encouragement, or an unsolicited note, or even a gentle word of correction at the appropriate time?
A Word From Others
His life began with all the classic handicaps and disadvantages. His mother had been married three times; his father died before he was born. His mother gave him no affection, no love, no discipline, and no training in those early years. She even forbade him to call her at work. Other children would have nothing to do with him. At the age of thirteen, a school psychologist commented that the boy probably didn't know the meaning of the word "love." During adolescence, the girls would have nothing to do with him and he fought with the boys.
As a young adult, he failed academically and then dropped out of high school. He joined the Marines but the other Marines laughed at him and made fun of him. In time, he was court-martialed and thrown out of the military. When he eventually married, his wife belittled him, ridiculed his sexual impotence, and ultimately divorced him.
Finally, in silence, he pleaded no more. No one wanted him. No one had ever wanted him. He was perhaps the most rejected man of our time. Then, one day, he arose, went to the garage and took down a rifle he had hidden there, and brought it to his newly-acquired job at a book storage building. And shortly after noon on November 22, 1963, he sent two shells crashing into the head of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy. That "most rejected man of our time" was, of course, Lee Harvey Oswald.
-- Dr. James Dobson
Hide or Seek: How to Build Self-esteem in Your Child
Children, it is your Christian duty to obey your parents always, for that is what pleases God. Parents, do not irritate your children, or they will become discouraged.
-- Colossians 3:20-21 (GNB)
Getting Personal
It's a story I've told many times. When I was growing up, my father was part-owner of a family business; a century-old construction firm. Since I was my father's oldest son, he had carried with him the dream that I would one day continue the tradition handed down from his grandfather. He was certain that I would be a fourth generation contractor.
It was my senior year of high school when I told my dad of my plans to go to college. He knew that I wanted to get an education, but he thought it was merely a pre-curser to coming to work at "the plant." However, his plans were not my plans; I wanted to be a high school physical education teacher. "A teacher! A teacher? Why don't you come out to the plant to work?" "Because I want to be a physical education teacher."
Several years later, after some unplanned twists and turns in my life, I felt the call to go to seminary. Now, it was my senior year in college, and I went to my dad to tell him of my new dream. "Dad, I am going to be a minister." "A minister! A minister? Why don't you be a physical education teacher?"
My dad never told me in so many words that he was disappointed in me, but I felt it. I lived with the realization that his hopes and dreams for me were never realized. For the longest time, I felt like I had failed my dad, but late in his life, he confided in me that he was very proud of my career path. On one hand, I was overjoyed with his affirmation. But on the other hand, I wish he had told me earlier. I wanted to please him, but I went through many of my adult years feeling like the prodigal son, wasting my life in my dad's eyes.
Discuss This
1. In what ways is it more difficult to grow up today than when you were a youth? In what ways is it easier?
2. Did you experience any "changes" during childhood that affected your growing up? (for example, divorce, a family death, moving, a childhood illness)
3. Listen carefully to the words of the Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young song, "Teach Your Children." What do you make of the line "... And so, become yourself ..."?
Looking At Scripture
And He said, "A man had two sons. The younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the share of the estate that falls to me.' So he divided his wealth between them. And not many days later, the younger son gathered everything together and went on a journey into a distant country, and there he squandered his estate with loose living.
"Now when he had spent everything, a severe famine occurred in that country and he began to be impoverished. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would have gladly filled his stomach with the pods that the swine were eating, and no one was giving anything to him. But when he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have more than enough bread, but I am dying here with hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me as one of your hired men.'
"So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son." But the father said to his slaves, "Quickly bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet; and bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.' And they began to celebrate.
"Now his older son was in the field, and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. And he summoned one of the servants and began inquiring what these things could be. And he said to him, 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has received him back safe and sound.'
"But he became angry and was not willing to go in; and his father came out and began pleading with him. But he answered and said to his father, 'Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you have never given me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends; but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him." And he said to him, 'Son, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found.' "
-- Luke 15:11-32 (NASB)
About The Text
1. Are you the oldest child or a younger child in your family? Which is it easier to be?
2. How would you describe the younger son in the parable?
3. How would you describe the older brother?
4. Did the father do the right thing, giving the younger son his inheritance early and letting him go off? What do you think would have occurred if the father had refused and made his son stay home?
5. What would have been the greater display of love: letting the son go, or making him stay?
6. Did the older brother have a point or did the older brother have "issues"?
7. If the story continued, or we revisited the family a year later, what do you imagine would be happening?
Going A Bit Deeper
This is the "optional" portion of the study. You are invited to participate, but not required to do so.
1. If you could magically change one aspect of your growing up years, what would that be? How would your life be different today?
2. Is there an "emerging adolescent" in your family right now? Can you share any observations you have made about the journey they are on?
3. What can the group pray for as you close?
Closing Prayer
Though some may be uncomfortable with "group prayer," it is a wonderful way to join in prayer, and build community at the same time. The leader will open with a brief prayer and anyone who wishes may add one sentence to his/her prayer.
For Further Reading
Dobson, James. Hide or Seek. Old Tappan, New Jersey: Fleming H. Revel, 1974.
Thielicke, Helmut. The Waiting Game. New York: Harper And Row, 1959.
There was a time when growing up was rather easy and uncomplicated. Everyone in the neighborhood knew us, and many pairs of eyes monitored our activities (remember the African proverb "It takes a village to raise a child"?). Most children spent all of their childhood years in the same house, and grandparents lived nearby. Many of us grew up wanting to follow in our parents' footsteps; boys wanted to pursue their fathers' occupations and girls wanted to grow up and be whatever their moms were. Our options were limited, our choices were few, and our futures were somewhat prescribed, but there was a sense of security about our lives.
Hello! It's a different world today! Children grow up faster now. They are certainly exposed to more temptations, and at a younger age, than ever before. Today's youth are generally not influenced by extended family, observant neighbors, or the guidance of school, church, and community, as they once were. Today, independence is accelerated by the fact of parents working away from home, and the unique schedules single-parent and blended families create. Finally, the availability of information through the internet has dramatically changed what adolescence is.
The purpose of this session is not to nostalgically reminisce about the good old days. Rather, it is an opportunity to recount the transitions we encountered in those formative years, and to understand how those changes shaped us. Also, this discussion is designed to grasp the transitions that today's young people endure (perhaps your children or your grandchildren?), and how we might draw near to them, and help them weather the storms of these potentially tumultuous years.
Graham Nash wrote some powerful lyrics concerning parenthood in his song, "Teach Your Children." His plea to "hippie" parents was to maintain a standard, a code, for their offspring. The plea was also to the children to be more tolerant and accepting of their parents, knowing that in the end they are loved.
Opening Prayer
God, you know the joy and delight of the growing up years; every day is filled with wonder and exciting new things. But these years can also be filled with frustration, loneliness, disobedience, and doubt. As we gather to reflect on our own childhoods, remind us of the people and events that made a difference, and then fill us with the desire to make the difference in the lives of young people today. Amen.
For Starters
Take a moment and think back to junior high school. Remember the house or apartment where you lived in those years? Now, describe your favorite room in that house. What were the colors, the smells; what was the lighting like? And finally, what made it so comfortable for you?
Or ... What was your favorite time of day when you were in high school? Why?
Or ... Who was the most influential person in your life when you were sixteen years old?
Isn't it amazing how vivid the details can become when we think about the past? It is an indication of just how impressionable we are at a very young age. Some of the thumbprints are positive; some are painful to recall. But many of them have contributed to who we are today. Now, consider the young ones in your circle today; they are equally impressionable. How significant to them is a word of encouragement, or an unsolicited note, or even a gentle word of correction at the appropriate time?
A Word From Others
His life began with all the classic handicaps and disadvantages. His mother had been married three times; his father died before he was born. His mother gave him no affection, no love, no discipline, and no training in those early years. She even forbade him to call her at work. Other children would have nothing to do with him. At the age of thirteen, a school psychologist commented that the boy probably didn't know the meaning of the word "love." During adolescence, the girls would have nothing to do with him and he fought with the boys.
As a young adult, he failed academically and then dropped out of high school. He joined the Marines but the other Marines laughed at him and made fun of him. In time, he was court-martialed and thrown out of the military. When he eventually married, his wife belittled him, ridiculed his sexual impotence, and ultimately divorced him.
Finally, in silence, he pleaded no more. No one wanted him. No one had ever wanted him. He was perhaps the most rejected man of our time. Then, one day, he arose, went to the garage and took down a rifle he had hidden there, and brought it to his newly-acquired job at a book storage building. And shortly after noon on November 22, 1963, he sent two shells crashing into the head of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy. That "most rejected man of our time" was, of course, Lee Harvey Oswald.
-- Dr. James Dobson
Hide or Seek: How to Build Self-esteem in Your Child
Children, it is your Christian duty to obey your parents always, for that is what pleases God. Parents, do not irritate your children, or they will become discouraged.
-- Colossians 3:20-21 (GNB)
Getting Personal
It's a story I've told many times. When I was growing up, my father was part-owner of a family business; a century-old construction firm. Since I was my father's oldest son, he had carried with him the dream that I would one day continue the tradition handed down from his grandfather. He was certain that I would be a fourth generation contractor.
It was my senior year of high school when I told my dad of my plans to go to college. He knew that I wanted to get an education, but he thought it was merely a pre-curser to coming to work at "the plant." However, his plans were not my plans; I wanted to be a high school physical education teacher. "A teacher! A teacher? Why don't you come out to the plant to work?" "Because I want to be a physical education teacher."
Several years later, after some unplanned twists and turns in my life, I felt the call to go to seminary. Now, it was my senior year in college, and I went to my dad to tell him of my new dream. "Dad, I am going to be a minister." "A minister! A minister? Why don't you be a physical education teacher?"
My dad never told me in so many words that he was disappointed in me, but I felt it. I lived with the realization that his hopes and dreams for me were never realized. For the longest time, I felt like I had failed my dad, but late in his life, he confided in me that he was very proud of my career path. On one hand, I was overjoyed with his affirmation. But on the other hand, I wish he had told me earlier. I wanted to please him, but I went through many of my adult years feeling like the prodigal son, wasting my life in my dad's eyes.
Discuss This
1. In what ways is it more difficult to grow up today than when you were a youth? In what ways is it easier?
2. Did you experience any "changes" during childhood that affected your growing up? (for example, divorce, a family death, moving, a childhood illness)
3. Listen carefully to the words of the Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young song, "Teach Your Children." What do you make of the line "... And so, become yourself ..."?
Looking At Scripture
And He said, "A man had two sons. The younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the share of the estate that falls to me.' So he divided his wealth between them. And not many days later, the younger son gathered everything together and went on a journey into a distant country, and there he squandered his estate with loose living.
"Now when he had spent everything, a severe famine occurred in that country and he began to be impoverished. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would have gladly filled his stomach with the pods that the swine were eating, and no one was giving anything to him. But when he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have more than enough bread, but I am dying here with hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me as one of your hired men.'
"So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight; I am no longer worthy to be called your son." But the father said to his slaves, "Quickly bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet; and bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.' And they began to celebrate.
"Now his older son was in the field, and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. And he summoned one of the servants and began inquiring what these things could be. And he said to him, 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has received him back safe and sound.'
"But he became angry and was not willing to go in; and his father came out and began pleading with him. But he answered and said to his father, 'Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you have never given me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends; but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him." And he said to him, 'Son, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found.' "
-- Luke 15:11-32 (NASB)
About The Text
1. Are you the oldest child or a younger child in your family? Which is it easier to be?
2. How would you describe the younger son in the parable?
3. How would you describe the older brother?
4. Did the father do the right thing, giving the younger son his inheritance early and letting him go off? What do you think would have occurred if the father had refused and made his son stay home?
5. What would have been the greater display of love: letting the son go, or making him stay?
6. Did the older brother have a point or did the older brother have "issues"?
7. If the story continued, or we revisited the family a year later, what do you imagine would be happening?
Going A Bit Deeper
This is the "optional" portion of the study. You are invited to participate, but not required to do so.
1. If you could magically change one aspect of your growing up years, what would that be? How would your life be different today?
2. Is there an "emerging adolescent" in your family right now? Can you share any observations you have made about the journey they are on?
3. What can the group pray for as you close?
Closing Prayer
Though some may be uncomfortable with "group prayer," it is a wonderful way to join in prayer, and build community at the same time. The leader will open with a brief prayer and anyone who wishes may add one sentence to his/her prayer.
For Further Reading
Dobson, James. Hide or Seek. Old Tappan, New Jersey: Fleming H. Revel, 1974.
Thielicke, Helmut. The Waiting Game. New York: Harper And Row, 1959.
