Friendship Erosion
Stories
No Grazing For Sacred Cows
Tormenting Questions In A Bizarre World
Object:
Soil erosion is a condition with which many of us are familiar, but another kind of erosion is not as frequently recognized, so it seems. I refer to friendship erosion. It is puzzling to me, Leon, how through the years many formerly dynamic, meaningful friendships erode. Friendships that were once significant, enjoyable, stimulating, supportive, creative, and prized fade into the background. A ritualistic exchange of greeting cards may occur during the holidays, but direct, personal contacts are no longer experienced. The years take their toll, don't they, on what were once vibrant, lively, cherished friendships?
Why does this happen, Leon? Perhaps one condition related to this occurrence is our mobility. Not until recent times have so many people been involved in frequent changes in their residences. Distance gradually extinguishes the warm fires of many friendships. For many of us when we move we know we are leaving behind friends that will never have the same meaning for us again. Well do I remember when we moved from Williamsport, Pennsylvania, many years ago. As we were driving out of our neighborhood, one elderly couple came out and stood in front of their house and with grim faces waved good-bye. Covert communication between us at that time signaled that the chances of us ever seeing one another again were not likely. And we never saw them again. One of the tragedies of modern life, Leon? I fear so!
There is another kind of mobility that enters the scene, too. These are changes that take place in our life positions. Variations and changes in education, interests, jobs, and lifestyles also are developments that contribute to another form of distance in friendships. We are reminded, for instance, of the many changes in employment that will and do occur in one's lifetime. Good friends we once worked with are abandoned all too often when we change jobs. In the expanding cosmopolitan world in which we live, steady, enduring friendships are difficult to maintain, aren't they?
Likely the factor of commitment is another consideration one should note, isn't it? To make and keep commitments to others, whether formally or informally understood, is lacking in many of our friendships. For many of us it seems that commitments to others imply restraints upon our freedom. Such commitments can interfere with other activities and interests. They can dampen our pursuit of varied pleasures. When old friends, for instance, phone from their distant homes and ask you to attend important anniversaries, the subject of your commitment to them becomes a pressing issue. Strong, enduring friendships require commitment, and in our busy lives this hampers our comforts and complicates our present schedules.
Furthermore, disciplined effort is likely another part of the picture of fading friendships. Keeping viable friendships does necessitate disciplined efforts to engage in such practices as picking up the phone occasionally to call others; it requires taking the time to sit down and write letters; it can compel us to plan and execute a trip to visit friends. Certainly effort is involved, e-mail notwithstanding! Friendship makes demands upon our time and plans. Few of us like to admit that we are lazy, but maybe, Leon, just plain laziness is present in our neglect of maintaining meaningful friendships. Slothful behavior does not support deep-rooted friendships. Retaining friendships often means subtracting time and effort from other activities in which we might wish to engage.
How important is the matter of priorities in this problem of eroding friendships? Maybe this is the root of the problem? Just what kind of value do we place upon our friendships? Are we disturbed by the need to examine our priorities from time to time and find out just how high or low a priority we give our friendships? Such inquiries are not encouraged in our society with its emphasis upon living for the pleasures of the moment.
What do we miss in this erosion of friendships, Leon? How much are our lives diminished because of this condition? Thinking about this subject makes me uneasy.
Why does this happen, Leon? Perhaps one condition related to this occurrence is our mobility. Not until recent times have so many people been involved in frequent changes in their residences. Distance gradually extinguishes the warm fires of many friendships. For many of us when we move we know we are leaving behind friends that will never have the same meaning for us again. Well do I remember when we moved from Williamsport, Pennsylvania, many years ago. As we were driving out of our neighborhood, one elderly couple came out and stood in front of their house and with grim faces waved good-bye. Covert communication between us at that time signaled that the chances of us ever seeing one another again were not likely. And we never saw them again. One of the tragedies of modern life, Leon? I fear so!
There is another kind of mobility that enters the scene, too. These are changes that take place in our life positions. Variations and changes in education, interests, jobs, and lifestyles also are developments that contribute to another form of distance in friendships. We are reminded, for instance, of the many changes in employment that will and do occur in one's lifetime. Good friends we once worked with are abandoned all too often when we change jobs. In the expanding cosmopolitan world in which we live, steady, enduring friendships are difficult to maintain, aren't they?
Likely the factor of commitment is another consideration one should note, isn't it? To make and keep commitments to others, whether formally or informally understood, is lacking in many of our friendships. For many of us it seems that commitments to others imply restraints upon our freedom. Such commitments can interfere with other activities and interests. They can dampen our pursuit of varied pleasures. When old friends, for instance, phone from their distant homes and ask you to attend important anniversaries, the subject of your commitment to them becomes a pressing issue. Strong, enduring friendships require commitment, and in our busy lives this hampers our comforts and complicates our present schedules.
Furthermore, disciplined effort is likely another part of the picture of fading friendships. Keeping viable friendships does necessitate disciplined efforts to engage in such practices as picking up the phone occasionally to call others; it requires taking the time to sit down and write letters; it can compel us to plan and execute a trip to visit friends. Certainly effort is involved, e-mail notwithstanding! Friendship makes demands upon our time and plans. Few of us like to admit that we are lazy, but maybe, Leon, just plain laziness is present in our neglect of maintaining meaningful friendships. Slothful behavior does not support deep-rooted friendships. Retaining friendships often means subtracting time and effort from other activities in which we might wish to engage.
How important is the matter of priorities in this problem of eroding friendships? Maybe this is the root of the problem? Just what kind of value do we place upon our friendships? Are we disturbed by the need to examine our priorities from time to time and find out just how high or low a priority we give our friendships? Such inquiries are not encouraged in our society with its emphasis upon living for the pleasures of the moment.
What do we miss in this erosion of friendships, Leon? How much are our lives diminished because of this condition? Thinking about this subject makes me uneasy.
