In his book Healing the...
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In his book Healing the Shame that Binds You, author and lecturer John Bradshaw explores the basis for shame. Shame, he says, informs us of our limitations; it guides us to a sense of boundaries, of places we cannot go. Healthy shame tells us when we have done wrong, or failed. Healthy shame reminds us not to get carried away, to remember that we are not God, but human. "Toxic shame," on the other hand, turns us against ourselves. We hear everything that is said to us as an attack upon ourselves. A message that the boss wants to see us is immediately translated into, "I'm going to be fired!" Co-workers whispering to each other over the watercooler are interpreted as gossiping about me. A man's wife remarks on the rising cost of food, and he believes she is chiding him on not being able to earn a good enough living. It is this latter shame that robs us of peace. -- Herrmann
