O Perfect Love! (Where Are You?)
Sermon
Sermons On The Gospel Readings
Series I, Cycle C
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The Bible teaches history began in a garden at a wedding between Adam and Eve. Jesus launched his public ministry at a wedding in Cana where he worked his first miracle turning water into wine. Afterwards, Christ began to call himself the groom, and the church his bride. And scripture teaches history will end one day, according to Revelation 19, at the marriage supper of the Lamb.
So, written large in scripture is the meaning of life. God is our lover who pursues us desiring a covenant relationship akin to marriage.
If one takes his date to a fancy French café, what is the little meal before the big meal called? The hors d'oeuvre. In an Italian restaurant it is called the antipasto. In an American restaurant it is the appetizer. Whatever one calls it, its purpose is to whet your appetite for the big meal that follows. And Almighty God has given us the gift of marriage as the little relationship that reflects the greater relationship between Christ and his church. Marriage is but a foretaste of glory divine!
When the Bible talks about love, it often uses the Greek word agape. This love is more than a feeling, more than a friendship. It is a love of the human will. Indeed! It is a choice to act in the other person's best interest.
This sort of love is required in any marriage relationship. Sure, love sometimes feels good. And it can often become a friendship. But over the long haul, marriage requires agape love, a choice to act in the other person's best interest.
A symbol of this love is embodied in the wedding reception custom of cutting the wedding cake. The man slices a piece of the cake, bread with icing, basic nurture with sweetness, and he offers it to his wife, who receives it. It is like saying, "I will nurture you and we shall have bread and married love, the sweetness of life." And by taking it, the bride says, "And I will receive it from you."
Then the love is returned. For the wife takes cake and offers it to her husband. "And I will receive from you." So it is that the newly married couple starts married life with a powerful symbol of what it means to love and be loved by God and by one another.
In the text, Jesus reminds us, "Those who belong to this age marry and are given in marriage, but those who are considered worthy of a place in that age and in the resurrection from the dead may neither marry nor are given in marriage." That's because we, in heaven, become the bride of Christ.
Now, be perfectly clear as to what the Bible is saying here. Earthly marriage is but a foretaste. It is a lesser relationship that one day must give way to the greater relationship. It is a trial run that will give way to the real thing, life eternal with Christ our groom, and a love that nurtures us to wholeness.
With this in mind, what Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:25 is very motivating! He urged husbands: "Love your wives as Christ loved the church."
Communication
Certainly one way that Christ loved and continues to love the church is by communication. Jesus came in the flesh. He spent time with us. He speaks to us in scripture and listens to us in prayer. O perfect love, where are you? One place is in communication.
A cartoon in a sports magazine showed a picture of a man with his hand on a television knob. He was saying to his wife, "Martha, do you have anything to say before the baseball season starts?" Why is it that married couples stop talking? Sometimes the man works too long and hard. Troubles start in a marriage when a man is so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar. Then there is a wife who's never home. She's out shopping, carpooling the kids, or attending some club meeting. And before you know it, each mate has changed. They've gone off in separate directions. Their values have changed. Their goals are different. And they are waking up each morning next to a stranger!
Listen to this: What blood is to the body, communication is to love. Stop talking and love dies. An ice age sets in! You become strangers.
A lady wrote the following letter to her pastor. "Dear pastor, you've heard of the sphinx? Well, I married him. My husband never talks to me. He just comes home, slumps in a chair, doesn't move or make a sound until bedtime, unless he wants his drink refilled or a snack." Is that your marriage? What can you do to get the lifeblood flowing again? Take some walks together. Join a couples' club and eat out, go to the movies, and dance. Read some of the same books or take up the same hobby, perhaps something like fishing or bicycling. Put your kids to bed earlier. Get a pair of rocking chairs and sit down beside one another and watch the sun go down. Spend time with your mate like Christ spent time with his church. Communicate!
Courting
O perfect love, where are you? It's in the way Jesus loved the church. It's in communication. And it is also in courtship. God wrote love letters to the church. They are printed in the Bible. God wooed us with the prophets, with gifts, and he came and knocked on our door and introduced himself personally in Bethlehem so long ago.
Why is it that once we get married we stop courting and romancing? When we were wooing our wives we opened the door for her. That sweet delicate thing didn't have the strength to do that for herself. Then we got married and stopped. It's as if after she wed us she got strength to do a lot of things for herself. And what about you wives and your hair? Do you still fix it up for him special like you used to do for a date? I've been in most of your homes and I've seen the Emily Post book on etiquette on your shelves. If I told you that you didn't have any manners, you'd get mad. Yet one Sunday not too long ago I stood out front of the church and watched you leaving and very few of you fellows escorted your wives to the door. Very few of you women even held hands with your man! O perfect love, where are you? In romancing! And many marriages would be happier if the man tried as hard to keep his wife as he did to win her, and vice versa!
Did you hear about the fellow who was driving home from work listening to the radio preacher suggest that his listeners surprise their mates? "How long has it been since you took your wife a gift? How long has it been since you made her feel special?" he asked. "Tonight when you arrive home, instead of growling, 'When will supper be ready?' why not surprise her with a gift?" The fellow thought to himself that that sounded like a good idea, so he stopped and bought some candy and a bouquet of flowers. He also bought himself a dashing new hat. When he got home, instead of going in the back door, he rang the front doorbell. His wife, in hair curlers, opened the door and saw him standing there wearing a radiant smile and a new hat, with candy in one hand and flowers in the other. She said, "Listen, buster, the baby has colic, the washing machine has broken down, and your son and another boy got into a fight at school and were expelled. And now you make my day by coming home drunk!" It's been a long time, men. It's been so long since we've courted our wives that they've forgotten the meaning of the word.
Why not take one night a week and have a date with your wife? Call her up from the office and ask her out. Hold the door open for her. Make it a habit. And some day for no reason at all, bring her a gift. Say, "Honey, I saw this in the store window and it was lovely. It made me think of you! So I bought it for you!"
Complimenting
Passing on from communication and courting, let's ask the question again. O perfect love, where are you? In complimenting. Do you see how Jesus affirmed the church? He looked at Peter, a big, burly, swaggering, cursing, impulsive hothead, a man he knew would thrice deny him, and the Lord complimented him. Of all things! Jesus said, "Peter, you are a rock, and I'll build my church on you!"
Men, ladies, how's the complimenting going in your marriage? Are comments like these frequent in your home? "What! Leftovers again!" "Don't you ever clean up?" "Nobody can cook like my wife, but they come pretty close in the Army." "Who does your hair? Nobody!" "Why can't you bring home more money?" Listen, all those put-downs will get you nowhere. What you want to do is build up a person's ego, not tear it down. Make a person feel worthy and they will be worthy. Treat your wife like a queen and you'll get to be the king. But if you treat her like a slave, guess who gets to be the other slave?
A father-in-law gave his new son-in-law a gift on his wedding day. He said, "Son, right here is all you'll ever need." The boy opened it and found a watch. Across the crystal were the words, "Have you complimented your wife today?" Have you, men? Have you, ladies? Is affirmation becoming habitual in your relationship?
Commitment
O perfect love, where are you? It's in the way Jesus loved his church. It's in communication and courting and complimenting. But according to the Bible, it's also in commitment. Jesus gave it all for his love of the church. He endured criticism, loneliness, blood, sweat, and tears. He didn't even stop short of death. He was totally committed! Your marriage, for it to work and last, must be this way, too. There's no magic in marriage, just hard work and commitment.
A tomcat and a tabby were courting on the back fence when the tomcat leaned over to her and said, "I'd die for you, beautiful thing!" The tabby gazed at him longingly and asked, "How many times?" You might not have nine lives to offer, but you've got one! And that's what it takes for wedlock to work. A young couple came to me not long ago to make arrangements for a wedding. I was delighted that they both asked to read their wedding vows in advance. But after they heard them I was disappointed when they wanted to change them. She wanted to leave out the phrase, "As long as you both shall live," and substitute in its place, "As long as you both shall love." I very firmly declined. I told them that I performed no trial weddings, and that marriage required a lifetime commitment "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
Americans today have lost the meaning of the word commitment. They're little committed to their education, the church, their jobs, the country, even their mate. The only thing a lot of people today are committed to is themselves! We seem to go into everything with a parachute on. "If it doesn't work out, if I don't like it, or if it gets boring or hard, all I have to do is bail out." Listen, Christian marriage is for life! It has no parachute! It's a lifetime commitment! The Bible says, "Therefore a man leaves his mother and father and cleaves unto his wife and the two become one flesh. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."
Cancellation
O perfect love, where are you? In communication, courting, complimenting, and commitment. It's in Christ's example of love for the church. Perfect love is also in cancellation. It's in forgiveness. Men rough-handled Christ. They whipped him, denied him, and betrayed him. They crucified him. And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."
Marriage requires that kind of canceling forgiveness, too. If love is blind, marriage can be a real eye-opener. Arguments will come. Feelings will be hurt. Rights will be violated. Mistakes will be made. Sins will be committed. Forgiveness is important if marriage is going to work.
Two men were discussing their wives. One said that every time he and his spouse got into an argument, she became historical. "You mean hysterical, don't you?" his friend inquired. "No, historical. She keeps bringing up the past!" Many marital relationships end like that. Each mate keeps score on the other. It's a running battle on who owes whom the most. And finally a breaking point comes. And not only is the marriage broken up, the two people are pretty busted up, too.
Here is where our Christian faith can be helpful. The Lord's Prayer teaches us to pray, "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." Jesus told us to forgive 70 times 7. There's a couple who make it a practice of letting the other person know when they feel slighted. They talk it out, argue it out, and then the offender asks, "Will you forgive me? I'm sorry." The injured party looks the other in the eye and says, "Yes, I will forgive you." Then they pray the Lord's Prayer together. This kind of routine cancellation keeps the slate clean. It keeps grudges and conflict and turmoil from festering and building up steam to explode like Mount St. Helens. It's like cleaning house twice a week instead of once a year. It makes the job easier and makes the home livable.
How's the cancellation doing in your marriage? Do you forgive freely and regularly? Do you keep things clean between the two of you? One man says, "Yes, but my wife cheated on me. I know it. She committed adultery." Forgive her! And ask God to help you forget it and start over. You can go shopping in the city and forget where you parked your car. You can even forget deep, wounding sins of the past. Get some counseling and find out about the healing of the memories. The Lord has a way of minimizing the emotional impact of painful sins. He has a way of helping you with cancellation.
Conclusion: The Right Person
O perfect love, where are you? It's in the way Christ loved the church. That's the way we're supposed to love our mates. That's the way of a man with a maiden.
In an Andy Capp cartoon strip, Andy and his wife Flo are arguing. They're getting all worked up when, suddenly, harsh words start flying. They come to blows and fight out into the street. Suddenly Andy stands up, kisses his wife, and says, "I was wrong, Flo. I forgive you." And as they walk off to the soccer match together, Andy says with a wink, "Marriage is not so much finding the right person as it is being the right person." What sort of person are you? Are you the kind of person who will grow to love your mate like Christ loved the church?
The Bible teaches history began in a garden at a wedding between Adam and Eve. Jesus launched his public ministry at a wedding in Cana where he worked his first miracle turning water into wine. Afterwards, Christ began to call himself the groom, and the church his bride. And scripture teaches history will end one day, according to Revelation 19, at the marriage supper of the Lamb.
So, written large in scripture is the meaning of life. God is our lover who pursues us desiring a covenant relationship akin to marriage.
If one takes his date to a fancy French café, what is the little meal before the big meal called? The hors d'oeuvre. In an Italian restaurant it is called the antipasto. In an American restaurant it is the appetizer. Whatever one calls it, its purpose is to whet your appetite for the big meal that follows. And Almighty God has given us the gift of marriage as the little relationship that reflects the greater relationship between Christ and his church. Marriage is but a foretaste of glory divine!
When the Bible talks about love, it often uses the Greek word agape. This love is more than a feeling, more than a friendship. It is a love of the human will. Indeed! It is a choice to act in the other person's best interest.
This sort of love is required in any marriage relationship. Sure, love sometimes feels good. And it can often become a friendship. But over the long haul, marriage requires agape love, a choice to act in the other person's best interest.
A symbol of this love is embodied in the wedding reception custom of cutting the wedding cake. The man slices a piece of the cake, bread with icing, basic nurture with sweetness, and he offers it to his wife, who receives it. It is like saying, "I will nurture you and we shall have bread and married love, the sweetness of life." And by taking it, the bride says, "And I will receive it from you."
Then the love is returned. For the wife takes cake and offers it to her husband. "And I will receive from you." So it is that the newly married couple starts married life with a powerful symbol of what it means to love and be loved by God and by one another.
In the text, Jesus reminds us, "Those who belong to this age marry and are given in marriage, but those who are considered worthy of a place in that age and in the resurrection from the dead may neither marry nor are given in marriage." That's because we, in heaven, become the bride of Christ.
Now, be perfectly clear as to what the Bible is saying here. Earthly marriage is but a foretaste. It is a lesser relationship that one day must give way to the greater relationship. It is a trial run that will give way to the real thing, life eternal with Christ our groom, and a love that nurtures us to wholeness.
With this in mind, what Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:25 is very motivating! He urged husbands: "Love your wives as Christ loved the church."
Communication
Certainly one way that Christ loved and continues to love the church is by communication. Jesus came in the flesh. He spent time with us. He speaks to us in scripture and listens to us in prayer. O perfect love, where are you? One place is in communication.
A cartoon in a sports magazine showed a picture of a man with his hand on a television knob. He was saying to his wife, "Martha, do you have anything to say before the baseball season starts?" Why is it that married couples stop talking? Sometimes the man works too long and hard. Troubles start in a marriage when a man is so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar. Then there is a wife who's never home. She's out shopping, carpooling the kids, or attending some club meeting. And before you know it, each mate has changed. They've gone off in separate directions. Their values have changed. Their goals are different. And they are waking up each morning next to a stranger!
Listen to this: What blood is to the body, communication is to love. Stop talking and love dies. An ice age sets in! You become strangers.
A lady wrote the following letter to her pastor. "Dear pastor, you've heard of the sphinx? Well, I married him. My husband never talks to me. He just comes home, slumps in a chair, doesn't move or make a sound until bedtime, unless he wants his drink refilled or a snack." Is that your marriage? What can you do to get the lifeblood flowing again? Take some walks together. Join a couples' club and eat out, go to the movies, and dance. Read some of the same books or take up the same hobby, perhaps something like fishing or bicycling. Put your kids to bed earlier. Get a pair of rocking chairs and sit down beside one another and watch the sun go down. Spend time with your mate like Christ spent time with his church. Communicate!
Courting
O perfect love, where are you? It's in the way Jesus loved the church. It's in communication. And it is also in courtship. God wrote love letters to the church. They are printed in the Bible. God wooed us with the prophets, with gifts, and he came and knocked on our door and introduced himself personally in Bethlehem so long ago.
Why is it that once we get married we stop courting and romancing? When we were wooing our wives we opened the door for her. That sweet delicate thing didn't have the strength to do that for herself. Then we got married and stopped. It's as if after she wed us she got strength to do a lot of things for herself. And what about you wives and your hair? Do you still fix it up for him special like you used to do for a date? I've been in most of your homes and I've seen the Emily Post book on etiquette on your shelves. If I told you that you didn't have any manners, you'd get mad. Yet one Sunday not too long ago I stood out front of the church and watched you leaving and very few of you fellows escorted your wives to the door. Very few of you women even held hands with your man! O perfect love, where are you? In romancing! And many marriages would be happier if the man tried as hard to keep his wife as he did to win her, and vice versa!
Did you hear about the fellow who was driving home from work listening to the radio preacher suggest that his listeners surprise their mates? "How long has it been since you took your wife a gift? How long has it been since you made her feel special?" he asked. "Tonight when you arrive home, instead of growling, 'When will supper be ready?' why not surprise her with a gift?" The fellow thought to himself that that sounded like a good idea, so he stopped and bought some candy and a bouquet of flowers. He also bought himself a dashing new hat. When he got home, instead of going in the back door, he rang the front doorbell. His wife, in hair curlers, opened the door and saw him standing there wearing a radiant smile and a new hat, with candy in one hand and flowers in the other. She said, "Listen, buster, the baby has colic, the washing machine has broken down, and your son and another boy got into a fight at school and were expelled. And now you make my day by coming home drunk!" It's been a long time, men. It's been so long since we've courted our wives that they've forgotten the meaning of the word.
Why not take one night a week and have a date with your wife? Call her up from the office and ask her out. Hold the door open for her. Make it a habit. And some day for no reason at all, bring her a gift. Say, "Honey, I saw this in the store window and it was lovely. It made me think of you! So I bought it for you!"
Complimenting
Passing on from communication and courting, let's ask the question again. O perfect love, where are you? In complimenting. Do you see how Jesus affirmed the church? He looked at Peter, a big, burly, swaggering, cursing, impulsive hothead, a man he knew would thrice deny him, and the Lord complimented him. Of all things! Jesus said, "Peter, you are a rock, and I'll build my church on you!"
Men, ladies, how's the complimenting going in your marriage? Are comments like these frequent in your home? "What! Leftovers again!" "Don't you ever clean up?" "Nobody can cook like my wife, but they come pretty close in the Army." "Who does your hair? Nobody!" "Why can't you bring home more money?" Listen, all those put-downs will get you nowhere. What you want to do is build up a person's ego, not tear it down. Make a person feel worthy and they will be worthy. Treat your wife like a queen and you'll get to be the king. But if you treat her like a slave, guess who gets to be the other slave?
A father-in-law gave his new son-in-law a gift on his wedding day. He said, "Son, right here is all you'll ever need." The boy opened it and found a watch. Across the crystal were the words, "Have you complimented your wife today?" Have you, men? Have you, ladies? Is affirmation becoming habitual in your relationship?
Commitment
O perfect love, where are you? It's in the way Jesus loved his church. It's in communication and courting and complimenting. But according to the Bible, it's also in commitment. Jesus gave it all for his love of the church. He endured criticism, loneliness, blood, sweat, and tears. He didn't even stop short of death. He was totally committed! Your marriage, for it to work and last, must be this way, too. There's no magic in marriage, just hard work and commitment.
A tomcat and a tabby were courting on the back fence when the tomcat leaned over to her and said, "I'd die for you, beautiful thing!" The tabby gazed at him longingly and asked, "How many times?" You might not have nine lives to offer, but you've got one! And that's what it takes for wedlock to work. A young couple came to me not long ago to make arrangements for a wedding. I was delighted that they both asked to read their wedding vows in advance. But after they heard them I was disappointed when they wanted to change them. She wanted to leave out the phrase, "As long as you both shall live," and substitute in its place, "As long as you both shall love." I very firmly declined. I told them that I performed no trial weddings, and that marriage required a lifetime commitment "for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
Americans today have lost the meaning of the word commitment. They're little committed to their education, the church, their jobs, the country, even their mate. The only thing a lot of people today are committed to is themselves! We seem to go into everything with a parachute on. "If it doesn't work out, if I don't like it, or if it gets boring or hard, all I have to do is bail out." Listen, Christian marriage is for life! It has no parachute! It's a lifetime commitment! The Bible says, "Therefore a man leaves his mother and father and cleaves unto his wife and the two become one flesh. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."
Cancellation
O perfect love, where are you? In communication, courting, complimenting, and commitment. It's in Christ's example of love for the church. Perfect love is also in cancellation. It's in forgiveness. Men rough-handled Christ. They whipped him, denied him, and betrayed him. They crucified him. And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."
Marriage requires that kind of canceling forgiveness, too. If love is blind, marriage can be a real eye-opener. Arguments will come. Feelings will be hurt. Rights will be violated. Mistakes will be made. Sins will be committed. Forgiveness is important if marriage is going to work.
Two men were discussing their wives. One said that every time he and his spouse got into an argument, she became historical. "You mean hysterical, don't you?" his friend inquired. "No, historical. She keeps bringing up the past!" Many marital relationships end like that. Each mate keeps score on the other. It's a running battle on who owes whom the most. And finally a breaking point comes. And not only is the marriage broken up, the two people are pretty busted up, too.
Here is where our Christian faith can be helpful. The Lord's Prayer teaches us to pray, "Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." Jesus told us to forgive 70 times 7. There's a couple who make it a practice of letting the other person know when they feel slighted. They talk it out, argue it out, and then the offender asks, "Will you forgive me? I'm sorry." The injured party looks the other in the eye and says, "Yes, I will forgive you." Then they pray the Lord's Prayer together. This kind of routine cancellation keeps the slate clean. It keeps grudges and conflict and turmoil from festering and building up steam to explode like Mount St. Helens. It's like cleaning house twice a week instead of once a year. It makes the job easier and makes the home livable.
How's the cancellation doing in your marriage? Do you forgive freely and regularly? Do you keep things clean between the two of you? One man says, "Yes, but my wife cheated on me. I know it. She committed adultery." Forgive her! And ask God to help you forget it and start over. You can go shopping in the city and forget where you parked your car. You can even forget deep, wounding sins of the past. Get some counseling and find out about the healing of the memories. The Lord has a way of minimizing the emotional impact of painful sins. He has a way of helping you with cancellation.
Conclusion: The Right Person
O perfect love, where are you? It's in the way Christ loved the church. That's the way we're supposed to love our mates. That's the way of a man with a maiden.
In an Andy Capp cartoon strip, Andy and his wife Flo are arguing. They're getting all worked up when, suddenly, harsh words start flying. They come to blows and fight out into the street. Suddenly Andy stands up, kisses his wife, and says, "I was wrong, Flo. I forgive you." And as they walk off to the soccer match together, Andy says with a wink, "Marriage is not so much finding the right person as it is being the right person." What sort of person are you? Are you the kind of person who will grow to love your mate like Christ loved the church?
